So I will be a new mom in September. Our due date is Sept 15th. I am not the one carrying the child. My wife is. But she can be so irritable. I feel like I can. Of please her she is just so miserable and it is so hard for me to see her suffer. Even harder to feel as tho I'm suffering too with all this anxiety its causing me. When we first decided to become parents and she would carry the child it sounded like Christmas. Well there is no snow flakes or candy canes here. Just high tension and a bad first trimester. I'm just at my Witt's end. I feel like she hates me and regrets that we even wanted Family. We are going on our 12th week now. Does it get any better? There has been no intimacy what's so ever thru this entire pregnancy. Literally since Implantation nothing. I feel like I've been hanging out with my buddy. I get frustrated because I feel like her friend and her response to that is "well I feel sick all the time" I !mean is it too much to ask for a kiss or a hug. Maybe ho!d my hand or tell me you love me without me initiating it every single time? Does any one have any advise or simulr experiences? Or is our relationship doomed?
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01-03-2014 09:27 #1Junior Member
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- Mar 2014
I'm the lesbian mom not carrying the baby...
01-03-2014 10:19 #2
I'm not a lesbian so I can't help there. I am however 29 weeks pregnant with my 4th child. Pregnancy is tough, especially the first and in my experience the last trimester.
I'm sure your partner is just exhausted and feels like crap. My husband feels rejected too. It's nothing personal, I still love him very much, I'm just worn out.
I'm sure things will start to improve soon
01-03-2014 10:55 #3
Sorry you're having a hard time
Also not a lesbian here, but I do relate to where your wife is at right now. When I was pregnant with my son I craved intimacy and that didn't stop right up until I gave birth. This time around is so, so different. I can't stand to have him near me and I can't even explain why. I love him, but the thought of being touched is just too much. I have been more reactive to smells, etc this time around so maybe that contributes too? I am due in less than a week and hoping I don't still feel like this after. Dh has thankfully been very understanding, and he knows it is not my intention to make him feel rejected.
Hormones can suck sometimes
01-03-2014 10:56 #4
As far as anxiety, DP was very stressed about things possibly going wrong, she couldn't feel the baby or her body and know that things were ok like I could. It's much easier now that bub moves around and she can lay her hand on my belly and feel everything she is up to. Again the biggest thing that helped was talking to each other about everything we both felt.
I have been hormonal the entire time, I find I get crankier at things more easily these days. For the first 18ish weeks I was very sick with OHSS and morning sickness and that just added to how I felt. I don't know how DP has put up with me to be honest. Sometimes I can see how irrational I am being but I just can't stop myself. It got much better when I started feeling better and we could share special moments together. Try to remember how it feels to be sick yourself and support your wife, she probably feels just as bad as you do. Sometimes all I needed to feel a little better was a hug. For fear of repeating myself over and over again, the biggest thing that got us through was talking and being understanding of each others feelings. Sometimes that's easier said than done but remember there was a reason you decided to start a family together and a reason you fell in love, try to remember the good things and make the most of the things that are happening.. It's something amazing to be able to lay around talking about your future together and feeling your little bub kicking around. Things will get better.
01-03-2014 11:41 #5
Again, not in a same sex relationship, but I can see both sides to your OP. Intimacy is like oxygen to me, and I know how hurtful it can be to feel like it's being withheld. I get that feeling of 'it's really not that hard to make an effort when you know how meaningful it is to me'.
On the other hand, when I was pregnant I was exhausted. I didn't really get morning sickness at all but I was just...so achy and uncomfortable almost from the start. Getting out of bed in the morning, going to work, and eating and showering took everything I had for the first 15 or so weeks. Some days the eating and showering part didn't even really get a look in. You sound like you are doing your best to be supportive and caring, and I'm sure your partner knows that. But it can be so hard to show your appreciation when it takes everything you have to just function!
To be honest, even after my pregnancy and into the first 12 weeks of DS' life I didn't have energy to do anything but look after my son. It's a very difficult time for most relationships to adjust to a house of three, particularly when that tiny third person is only interested in their own needs! So, to answer your question, I don't think your relationship is doomed. It's worth talking through your feelings if you can do so without placing pressure on your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, and try and remember this is a stage that will come to an end, it just might not be for a while longer. If you both try and treat each other with love, even if that is expressed differently from usual for now, then I can see no reason to think that there will be problems.
01-03-2014 11:55 #6
19-09-2014 19:17 #7
Hey I was going to reply but I see this is an old post - how did everything work out? Had your bub come along yet?
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