So my hubby has been having problems with alcohol for many years, and about 12 months ago he turned to drugs too... things have been crazy up and down for the last 12 months, pretty much since his dad died. He's got a lot of issues that he needs to deal with and obviously the drugs are totally screwing him up!! he blames me for everything though, he's up and down - never in the middle... I've called drug and alcohol help lines and got advice etc... i'm pretty educated with the whole deal... the last few months though, he's been a lot better, and we were really happy and things just seemed good - finally.... then I found out I was pregnant... i'm now 7 weeks... and the last 3 weeks, he's been on it all again... going out for days at a time, getting high, drinking himself into a coma... total downhill spiral.... except he said he was happy about the baby, and i'm happy about the baby.... except on the weekend, he just totally lost it, we went to a party, he was dissing me to everyone, telling everyone how much of a b*tch I am and how we should get a divorce... everyone started saying that he's acting really different and he's personality and behaviour has changed... I explained to them what was happening and they said they'd help where they can... except yesterday, he moved out, it's all my fault and he's had enough... he said he's at his wits end with everything and dealing with me,, ... so now i'm absolutely lost... DS1 is 13, DS2 is 20months and now i'm pregnant with #3.... we both wanted it only a few weeks ago and now he's telling me i'm going to be doing it all on my own.... I don't know what to do :-( I can't drink my sorrows away... lol... I can't go on anti depressants to help me get through this time... and i'm stressed and constantly on the verge on tears, i'm still working full time and now i'm home with a 13yr old who doesn't care about anyone but himself lol and a toddler... and I don't know how i'm supposed to do everything on my own.. include have another baby..... I think having an abortion is totally out of the question, I don't think I could live with myself... and I would never forgive hubby either... can anyone give me any advice... even maybe tell me how to get through this time... is there anything I can take to keep me calm? I'm totally lost and emotional and I just don't know what to think or feel.....
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26-02-2014 20:31 #1
My life is falling apart... please give me some advice
26-02-2014 20:39 #2
Oh sweetie I have no advice but big hugs to you and I hope someone with some experience can offer you some good advice.
I guess all I can say is you sound like a strong amazing woman for withstanding all you have so far.
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26-02-2014 20:45 #3
Do you have family close by to help you?
I am so sorry for you having to go through this. I know it's hard to see now but I would think you're far better off without him.
Have you looked into counselling or al-anon? I hope you can get help to get through this tough time. Big hugs.
26-02-2014 21:02 #4
Big hugs Webby. I agree that counselling would help alot to muddle through the emotions. I would head to your GP to ask for a referral.
I know you are really hurting right now but maybe being apart is the best right now, to allow you space to make long term decisions for your family xx
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26-02-2014 21:04 #5
I should of mentioned, he is a great dad. He loves his kids. Hes a hard worker and hell do anyyhing for anyone... its just the drugs that are f*&king him up and totally changing him... his personality and behaviour... hes not the man I married.. but I still love him and I cant bear to thinkabout not being with him.. all because of drugs :-(
26-02-2014 21:06 #6
I don't have much advice either but just wanted to offer support. That sounds unbelievably stressful and I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Hugs And strength to you xx
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26-02-2014 21:30 #7
Sorry you are going through this.
How much of your dh's behaviour are the kids seeing? I hope they don't see their dad under the influence of anything. Speaking as a child whose main memories of my dad growing up where him being absolutely sh!t ar$e drunk, it's a horrible thing for kids too see and process.
26-02-2014 22:08 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
'So my hubby has been having problems with alcohol for many years, and about 12 months ago he turned to drugs too... things have been crazy up and down for the last 12 months, pretty much since his dad died. He's got a lot of issues that he needs to deal with and obviously the drugs are totally screwing him up!! he blames me for everything though, he's up and down - never in the middle... I've called drug and alcohol help lines and got advice etc... i'm pretty educated with the whole deal...'
I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like a loving dad who will do anything for his kids. If that was the case, surely the first this would be to not abuse substances for YEARS? You mentioned in the first sentence of your post that he has 'been having problems with alcohol for many years, and about 12 months ago he turned to drugs too…'. This isn't anything new for you and you have had 2 children with him and are expecting a 3rd and are still there. Why? Is this really 'love' or a high dependency on him? Maybe you can't imagine living without him, but frankly I'm horrified at that, as your children must be exposed to a lot of instability. There is nothing more frightening to children then them seeing daddy out of control and abusing mummy
Please start to put yourself and your children first. Your husband has made his choice (again and again over the years) and you need to let him get on with his journey (and life lessons) and start taking personal responsibility for taking control of your own life (and putting your dependant, vulnerable children first).
I'm sorry if this is a bit blunt for you, but as a woman who has had a long term substance abuser in my family, I know that it is a long repeat cycle and at the end of the day by staying and doing nothing you are normalising the behaviour and stopping them from addressing it (which makes you an enabler). Get counselling to help give you the strength to do what you need to do for your children/family. Your hubby can seek help when he is ready to admit he needs it.
26-02-2014 22:27 #9
My husband was a drug addict for the first 3 years of our relationship, so I can relate sort of to what you are going through. You can blame it on 'the drugs' and I totally get that he might be a great guys without 'the drugs' BUT he is the one CHOOSING to take them. That is his fault. No one else's. Not the drugs fault. HIS!
I really hope he magically cleans up his act for you and your kids I'm so sorry to hear that someone else is having to suffer through this. It took my husband to go to jail for over a year (forced rehab basically) to clean his act up and he has been 100% drug free since 2008. He can't imagine going back to them, so it can be done but I couldn't stop him and he couldn't even stop himself, it took the police to stop him
Hope things get better for you soon xx
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