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  1. #1
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    Default Behavioral issues, any help appreciated!

    My apologies in advance if this topic has already been discussed ladies, but I want to post my own thread to give you specifics about my situation.

    My son Taylor is 4 years old, he will be 5 at the beginning of June.
    We have always had issues with his behavior, but recently I am finding it more difficult to cope. I have been a single mother since he was 13 months old, and also have an 8 month old daughter.

    The first thing I want to address is his sleep. There is absolutley nothing I can do to make this child sleep before 10pm, no matter what! It leaves me with no down time and his mood during the day is atrocious. I have tried no TV, reading stories, no light, new bedding, nightlights, everything! He goes to bed 6:30-7pm, and still wont sleep.

    Next, his little sister. Taylor gets a lot more attention than his sister because of his bad behavior yet as soon as I turn my back, he hurts her. Steps on her legs as she is crawling, throws toys.. anything! He even speaks really nastily to her, telling her things like be quiet but in a horrid way.

    Along similar lines, we have had a dog for 18 months, and recently got a kitten. yesterday I caught him trying to literally strangle the cat!! And no matter how upset or angry I get when I tell him not to put his hands on the cat, he has about a 10 second rebound rate til he is right back at it, holding the cat down etc. He is not the same with the dog as the dog is a large breed but he will kick or hit the dog anytime he passes it.

    Now for discipline, I use the naughty corner, sending him to his bedroom, and sometimes it even leaves me resorting to smacking his behind (in which I make him lower his own trousers, as harsh as this sounds, he just laughs without that little bit of humiliation, if that's even what he is feeling at the time) or shouting. My stress levels are enormous.

    There have been occasions where I have sent him to his room and he's kicked the wall until there are holes in it. I almost lost my lounge room window a few days ago!

    His anger is insane. If I tell him NO to ANYTHING he screams and shouts and tells me he hates me, throws things, hits me, etc! He will go bright red and sweat from the amount hes shouting and im surprised that the neighbors are yet to call the police for domestic abuse with the noises he makes, and this will go on for up to 90 min before he runs out of steam.

    OKay, so here's the kicker, Taylor is the absolute most polite and well mannered boy you will ever meet. I have tried my hardest to instill good habits into his personality. Its just like he snaps! and this 'snapping' happens at least 5 times a day!

    I am so drained, any advice on how to cope would be AMAZING

  2. #2
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Try reading "The explosive child" by Dr Greene.

    I had the hurting issue with my two youngest sons, and as hard as it is, I simply had to make sure my middle boy was NEVER left alone with my youngest for a long time, until he stopped hurting him. It sucked, it was really hard, but I just had to do it.

    Same with a kitten really, it needs to have a safe place away from your son, and only comes out when you can totally supervise 'gentle play' with the kitten. That situation usually resolves fairly fast, as kittens get pretty quick at dashing out of the way as they grow bigger.

    All the best, I have a son who has just turned 5 (my youngest) and he is extremely hard work, lots of explosions over seemingly not much, and 2 older brothers who get less time from me as I'm constantly dealing with the youngest. And same as you, solo mum.

    Hang in there.

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    I think it's this innate behavior streak in older kids which somehow manifests itself once they feel the younger one is getting more attention. My son also started behaving weirdly when my daughter was barely three months old, but thankfully, I have a husband who is hands-on involved full-time with the kids so I didn't have to take all the stress myself! Still, it was a trying time, since I hadn't even recovered fully from a complicated second pregnancy and my supposedly elder and 'more mature' son was acting like he was. Like you're explaining, we tried everything we could. He was exhibiting all traits except the one about trying to be mean/hurt the baby (thank God for small mercies!). And then, after numerous round-table talks (my husband and me) and analyzing his behavior over months on end, we came to this simple conclusion: As long as he was gainfully engaged with something, he behaved like a totally sane person. My husband found these online - http://www.mathblaster.com/parents/math-games - I know it sounds strange but Jake loves playing around with numbers and as long as he was sitting on the computer playing these games, we had a relatively peaceful household and could concentrate on our regular activities. Thankfully, he never seemed to tire of them! And then in an year or so he began cooling down slowly but steadily and permanently (we hope, fingers crossed!) lost his so-called 'violent streak' which had scared the wits out of us once upon a time!

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    I would be taking him to see a good doctor. A friend recently put her son on melatonin for sleep - she gives it to him half an hr before bedtime and it helps him wind down and tells his brain it's sleep time. Also we recently put my DS on zinc supplements, has really helped with his anger and sleep. Good luck!


 

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