I've known many (definitely not all!) natural/attachment parents who by 12 to 18 months feel and look utterly exhausted, frustrated and run down... they start to be resentful and respond with much less patience towards their little ones and many end up with depression and anxiety...
How do you keep some sort of balance and not lose yourself in giving all to your little one?
I realise support will be a huge factor and not feeling isolated or trying to keep my expectations up too high but any tips for taking the pressure off and not feeling suffocated?
How often do you get some down time when you're breast feeding, co-sleeping and baby wearing?
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18-02-2014 11:34 #1
A Balancing act with attachment parenting?
18-02-2014 11:45 #2
Subbing for responses...though my baby doesnt seem very clingy and i havent had much luck with baby wearing so far but he's only 4 weeks so we're working on it.
The hardest thing I find is breastfeeding on demand so far when I feel like I want to do something (cook lunch, put washing out) but I think I need to learn that sometimes during the day my bub needs to come first and i need to delay other things.
Cosleeping has been great so far.
Eta: for me following baby's lead makes it less stressful for me because I'm not trying to make him fit my routine which I think would br harder than me adjusting to what he wants.
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18-02-2014 11:46 #3
I agree it is so demanding on a parent and also I found it hard on my marriage. I could only keep it up until dd was 7 weeks and then I said okay sleeping is in your cot. I still baby wear, breastfeed on demand and often we will have a co-sleep daytime nap. We also have her in our room. She is very happy and settles perfectly to sleep on her own. In fact she often gets cranky when she is tired and being held. She likes to have her own space to put herself to sleep. Anyway, this is what worked for us I also needed time alone with hubby he was being very neglected and it wasn't healthy for our marriage.
Addit: I also found having my own space even for 20-30mins while she napped meant that I was so much brighter to play and talk to her and actually missed her!
Last edited by BeeSam; 18-02-2014 at 11:50.
18-02-2014 11:53 #4
Tbh, I just resigned myself to it, iykwim? I just accept that there will be no downtime or metime, once I stop pining for it or expecting it, I just get back to enjoying being a mummy.
Having said that, dd2 is now 21 months, and I am hanging out to wean her! I've been nearly starting a thread begging for advice on weaning for about 2 weeks now. I fed her about 1 million times over the past couple of weeks and I have no idea why she wants to feed all the time.
Oh, and when I feel tired and rundown, I go to bed earlier and really focus on my diet, adding extra fresh vegetables and some more protein until I feel better again.
Gosh I haven't made attachment parenting sound very glamorous, have I?!
18-02-2014 12:19 #5
Attachment parenting involves both parents. So when mum is tired/needs a break - hand over to dad.
I've always had 1/2-1 day a week off. I'd express milk and hand bub off to Dh and disappear for a few hours.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
18-02-2014 12:39 #6
Dh travels a lot so often isn't around and we don't live near family.. So does that mean what I am doing is not attached parenting? (Not being rude, as I want to follow this philosophy as much as I can)
18-02-2014 12:51 #7
I'll be a single mum so having a DP help 50-50 wont be an option for me either.
I think in some ways AP will be easier... co-sleeping means I won't be getting up out of bed all night & breastfeeding will save a lot of time on washing, sterilizing and making up bottles... but on the other hand I really worry I will feel too drained like so many friends of mine I see... I guess it may be something to make adjustments along the way depending on how I feel...
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18-02-2014 12:54 #8Senior Member
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Hmmm... well many of the things I'm reading here just didn't apply to me... I just don't know how to explain it... oh and I also know not a single AP style mother who has anxiety and/or depression, most seem to be quite happy
Anyway, I guess I just didn't find the AP style hard work with babies/toddlers/preschoolers? Much of the reason I got into it (besides the philosophy) was that it was so easy, so relaxing, bub and I just seemed to 'fit' with each other so well, when I'm not trying to force him into routine, separation etc. I found that my bub was so much happier and content all the time, so tending to him wasn't hard. If he was up in the sling with me he was always happy, easily slept, wasn't trying to escape a stroller, if he wanted attention I was already there.
Again at night, I slept so so well, because he was with me, no getting up and fetching bottles. So I wasn't tired at all.
With bf on demand, again he was always content, there was no work in making bottles, he didn't have to wait for me to heat a bottle.
Gentle discipline when he was older, it appealed to me, there was a lot of explanation, little yelling, just treating him with respect and educating him on behaviour.
Down time, well I guess I didn't find such a high importance on it because as I've been saying, I was so relaxed all the time, I didn't *need* de-stressing. Sometimes I would have 'me-time' by going to the mall- with him in the sling! but again he was so content it was like he wasn't there some of the time, and then the rest of the time it was nice to have someone to chatter to. There was also evenings when he was asleep, to get baby-free time.
I dunno, I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well, I just never ever thought anyone would get 'burnt out' or anxious or depressed from such a natural style of parenting. I found it all really easy tbh.
18-02-2014 13:01 #9
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18-02-2014 13:11 #10
I don't think it would be any harder than not attachment parenting for myself. In fact I chose to follow my babies less partly due to the fact they have all been very vocal and upset when their needs weren't being met. To have had to try to break them into my own supposed schedule would have been a nightmare.
I did try briefly with my first but it wasn't happening!
Look at it this way, it's 2 years maximum, usually only 1 really, that you put yourself second a bit. When you're in your 70s looking back at your life I think those are the years you will wish were longer and remember most fondly. It can get tough but it's really a short time.
I totally don't think ap mums are any more frazzled than mums setting their own routines. The biggest thing that can frazzle ap mums is being made to second guess by so called experts I think.
By Ecooper87 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & ChatReplies: 14Last Post: 11-09-2013, 17:50
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