I have lovely inlaws, they live 2 mins away and my parents and family live 6 hrs away.
My SIL also lives 2 mins away and the MIL Always has her kids. I find I struggle somedays ( today) I'm 35 wks pregnant and feel so sick and dizzy I can barely get out of bed to take DD to swimming lessons, if my mum or sister lived close I wouldn't even hesitate to ask for help but I have never once asked my MIL for help with DD.
I just feel funny asking her to help, she never offers to help but I know sometimes she might if I asked but I just don't.... Is anyone else the same?
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17-02-2014 16:25 #1
Do you treat your inlaws the same as your parents?
17-02-2014 16:29 #2
Kind of. i live close to both my parents and my in laws, and they're lovely and all but I won't pop in to see them off the cuff and I will with mum and dad. I also have no problem asking mum to hold him while I eat dinner or take him for a walk while I sleep, but I wouldn't ask of my in laws, I'd accept if they offered though.
17-02-2014 17:01 #3
No, I don't. However my DH and I come from families that are so incredibly different. My parents are full on, involved and excited to be a part of my children's lives on a regular basis. My mum wants to retire primarily because she wants to be more involved in their lives. They even love to be involved in the lives of my bff's kids. I am also really close to my parents, as is my DH.
DH's parents are less full-on in their involvement. My MIL lives too far away to be really involved, and my FIL is involved, but he is just not the type who wants that close relationship with the kids. He loves them, and he is happy to spend time with them and have them on special occasions, but he wants to have his own independent life too, which is probably a bigger priority for him. Which is totally fine, not every parent wants their grandkids to be their life. He was not a very involved parent either, so I guess it is more comfortable for him to stay on the outer.
17-02-2014 17:08 #4
No. The relationships are both different.
We live closer to my parents, which means they've seen DS much more often. We are comfortable with them minding DS for us for a few hours. We are all fairly close.
IL's live 5 hours away. We wouldn't utilise them as babysitters even if they did live closer. This was cemented when MIL came down on her own to visit recently and DH couldn't bring himself to leave DS alone with her. His choice, not mine.
FIL (who is not DH's bio father) is a chain smoking booze hound who makes passive aggressive jibes and has no regard for others. Enough said.
17-02-2014 17:34 #5
I don't, it's a different relationship, but my inlaws are as much grandparents as my parents are. If I was in your shoes - I'd probably either ask OR I'd tell my partner to tell them they should offer.
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17-02-2014 17:38 #6
No. I can't tell my in-laws off if they do silly stuff.
But I can tell my folks.
With the kids. My mother is the most hands on but mainly cos she lives the closest. My in-laws live interstate and whilst here they are here are hands on they don't like being taken for granted. My mother tho doesn't mind.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
17-02-2014 17:48 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
Both our families live in nz but my parents when visiting would love to help out with the children I don't even need to ask. But my mil is a cranky type that loves to discipline her grandkids but in her eyes all children naughty but honestly they are just being curious well contented kids. So luckily we don't see that side of the family often.
But being 35 weeks preggers and all maybe it will be easier once your new baby arrives for the mil to offer to help. Or she is still constantly being dumped on by the other members of the family.
17-02-2014 18:15 #8
I treat them the same, but I have a great relationship with my inlaws. We live 5 minutes from my dad so he sees the children a lot more than my inlaws but it makes no difference. My inlaws live 2 hours away and we usually see them every month.
My dad and my inlaws are all very involved in the childrens lives.
17-02-2014 20:03 #9
I am not close to my parents nor my IL's so I would say yes, I treat them the same
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17-02-2014 20:07 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I have ex-IL's, and I'm more comfortable asking MIL to mind the kids than I am asking my mum! MIL minds the kids at least 3 times per fortnight, my mum only once. My mum works fulltime and MIL doesn't work at all, so that plays a big part in it, but MIL just seems happier to mind them, she loves it and has a lot of fun, whereas it seems my mum thinks it's a bit more of a chore. Which is a shame as I like the way my mum looks after them more than how my MIL looks after them (food choices, discipline, interfering with my house stuff etc).
I also like my other IL family members better, in terms of being around the kids, my SIL and BIL dotes on the kids. My brothers are dropkicks that I want far away from my kids as possible.
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