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  1. #1
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    Default Sperm donation to a friend

    Hi all

    We have a friend (distant) who is wanting to become a mum and has for a while she hasn't met mr right an is financial able to provide for a child on her own. She is now on the waiting list for sperm donations and was telling us about how long the wait is and how people aren't donation because of new laws in WA that requires information to be released to the child at 18 seems to have slowed it down.

    My partner and I are soon to have our second and last baby and my other half stated to me he would do it, I was so touched that he cares about it.

    We are umming and arring about telling her that he is happy to be a private donar we just want some info or opinions of people who have done it.

    Our only concern is she is a friend who granted we hardly see but is close to other close friends. We wouldn't want everyone to know as it's not for recognition, just would like to know how people have felt/reacted etc after donating to a friend

    Thank you

  2. #2
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    I would never be comfortable with my husband sharing his sperm with a friend of mine, and him having that special bond and essentially another family with her. All power to you if you think it's fine though!

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Zephyr3 For This Useful Post:

    Emmakin  (23-02-2014)

  4. #3
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    It would all be done legally through fertility clinics etc all the council long that's involved testing etc it would be a clinical thing as an actual donar just bump her up the list .. We are just wanting to have a long think as we know how muh we wanted to be parents and it seems a bit rough that purely because she hasn't met me right she would be denied that

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephyr3 View Post
    I would never be comfortable with my husband sharing his sperm with a friend of mine, and him having that special bond and essentially another family with her. All power to you if you think it's fine though!
    Was going to write the same thing.
    What if you don't agree with her parenting style, what if she comes after child support, what if your kids and hers ( when older) "experiment".

  6. #5
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    Would you tell your children about their other sibling or keep it from them? To me, ethically the whole thing is a can of worms (but that's just me 😜💖)

  7. #6
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    I haven't been involved with sperm donation personally, but know a couple of people who have. Just thought I'd bump up your thread.

    From what others have said, my only real suggestion would be to have a LOT of discussion about it. First with your husband, then with the friend as well should she accept the offer. Try to come up with all sorts of situations regarding friends/family/the child/legalities/health/living arrangements etc. that COULD arise, and what you would each be comfortable with in those situations so that, as much as possible, you're all on the same page with the same expectations.

  8. #7
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    I can only speak from the other side. My partners friend's husband donated to us. They approached us about donating as my partner and I are a same sex couple. We had several meetings where we talked about the expectations. All four of us were on the same page about what we did and didn't want. If we weren't we would not have gone through with it. We got a contract signed up and sought legal advice. It was about a year of planning and asking all sorts of questions. Such as what would they tell their children, how would they feel if the baby looked like him or one of their children etc. it is a donation so how we parent does not come into it but I am sure if they had major concerns about how we would parent they would not have offered in the first place. We are currently pregnant and have not told mutual friends of this arrangement. Although we know who they are we tell people it is a known anonymous donor. They are over the moon excited for us and it has not changed our friendship at all. I'm sure there will be things we need to discuss at different times but we are all open to that.

    Hope this has given you some things to think about. I think not only your husband but you are amazing for considering it as you are just as much apart of it. It is definitely not for everyone but can work.

  9. #8
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    Bumping, this is a very big life decision so it's great if you can get ideas.


 

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