Terrible news about your friend Jay. I'm defn more aware of the risks I think than couples who dont have trouble conceiving and keeping a baby. I have a gf who is nearly 40 and is going to try for a baby naturally. She has infertility issues, PCOS and her DP is in his 60s. I want to tell her not to waste time with natural but everyone's journey is different. Maybe she will get 'lucky'.
Annerley v interesting question. My DH says no we stop at 1 but we have 4 frosties so I think I would like to try for another. As I will be 38 soon I think I would like to try in about 10 months after baby is born. DH says we can talk about it after bubs is 6 months old. He is worried about what kind of parent he will be I think. Silly really he will be an awesome dad.
Results 111 to 120 of 941
23-02-2014 16:21 #111Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
23-02-2014 16:55 #112
Thanks ladies, really interesting reading your plans. I think it easy for me to say we will go back for more children since we have frosties but if I had to do another stim cycle, I wouldn't be as sure and would have to see how I felt at the time. It's not that I had a hard cycle and I only had the one but there's obviously a lot more involved so can definitely understand why some would stop at one.
Arlais, you definitely have to think of the financial side of more children, I do agree with you there. I went to a private school for high school and I live near one that goes from preschool to yr12 so would like to send our children there. When DH says he would be tempted to have a third child if we still have frosties left, I remind him of how my cousin has just had to make the decision to pull his 3 kids out of private school due to the costs of sending three there. We also love to travel and I have also mentioned to DH that the cost of everything you do goes up with each child you have. There are also a lot of holiday packages and accommodation that are signed at families of 4, which could make it hard.
Will be be interesting to see how we all go and how many we do end up with in the future. Looks like there may be the possibility of some ladies here ending up in future due date groups together too
23-02-2014 17:26 #113
So many sad sad stories the card is lovely Jay.
About being careful in pregnancy, I just think its sensible given all we have gone through to get to this point to make the decision not to take risks. Sure, there would be heaps of women not being careful who are fine... But it's their choice to take the risk. I've known people who have lost babies from listeria- I don't want that risk and I'm a happier person going without, so that I know my baby is safe. My DH's mum was a little confused about me being so careful, but after I explained she thought it was sensible! Sorry to hear that some if you have experienced any form if ridicule for just taking care of yourselves!!
Annerley- we will definitely go for another. I really want two as my DH's 13yo from previous marriage is so so lonely whenever we go on holidays etc. I always feel bad cause I compare it to my childhood, even though my brother and I don't always get along... I think it was better. We never got any frosties as my embryos are too light weight to survive vitrification. So we will be from scratch again. Going back to work when bub is 1 and then we will start again. Don't want to push too much and forget to enjoy our little one, if we don't get another ill still be happy with that
23-02-2014 18:03 #114
Yes the sad stories certainly are sobering. I agree it makes you appreciate the gift we have been given. And totally understand not wanting to risk what we have by going without. I think we all sound quite sensible and not over the top as some might see it. And I really like the card Jay. Your friend will appreciate the support.
In terms of another child, I always wanted to have two children. We have one frostie and I think we'd be willing to do another stim cycle if that didn't work...but like others have said, that would have its limits due to money and stress. I guess we'll have to have a goal and be willing to be flexible if the path isn't what we choose. And feel blessed to have one miracle. Saying that. I'm still a bit anxious about this little bub and can't wait to have it in our arms.
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We've spent a bit of today sorting out our "baby alcove". We're in a one bedroom and have made the best of the room we have. Pretty happy with what we've achieved. Have the movable bassinet that can be moved into our room so will have even more space, haha!
ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1393142178.501605.jpg
ImageUploadedByThe Bub Hub1393142363.727560.jpg
23-02-2014 18:37 #115
Lotsa I'm sure you've already tried every configuration and this worked best but just looking at your nursery alcove which looks great but was just a quick question is the CUBE bookcase one that stands on either end,because if it can up end then you might be able to fit it between the wall and chest of draws on the other side that way you could use it for holding you changing stuff like nappies and it might free up other side for chair etc just a thought as it looks like a decent size room perfect for a nursery but then again space might just look bigger in pic then it is in real life. Hope you don't mind me asking I'm an over organiser can't help myself even will restock shelves in grocery store haha
23-02-2014 19:20 #116
Lotsa your alcove looks about as big as our nursery :-)
I'll pop on the pc shortly and update!
Did anybody catch 60 minutes? Very interesting given what we talked about in the last couple days. Mary Coustas is one brave lady.
23-02-2014 19:35 #117
It looks great Lotsa!
I did catch the Mary Coustas interview. Both DH and I cried! I've been following their story since we started so I'm really very happy for them and found their story very touching. They have both been through so much. It's really lovely that they shared so much in the interview- the birth, everything. Very very touching!
23-02-2014 20:14 #118Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2011
Hey lotsathoughts the baby alcove looks really cute, you've worked well with the space.
Jay - such a lovely card you made for your friend but the thought is even greater.
Just wanted to say people will say all sorts of things but its you whose carrying the baby - your baby so you do what you feel comfortable doing. I have heard all sorts of comments from people close to me to people I don't really know. I have really close friend saying to me (when she asked how you going and I replied one of those days you aren't comfortable in any position) -"why were you dying to have this baby..... This is what you get for getting pregnant in old age..."someone else very close to me said to someone else she's got two kids already why does she want to get in all of this....and she's old...." mostly its taunts due to my age. Baby shower was the topic and I joked to my close friend aren't you going give me one and she replied its not for oldies like you, your time has passed its for younger ones". I always just laugh it off and never let them know that sometimes it does hurt and I definitely don't tell dh as I don't want to dampen his joy that he had longed for. On a positive note another friend offered to do a baby shower for me but I feel a bit bad like i am imposing but she's excited and wants to!
Do they even realise DH doesn't have any bio children and how much we want to have a baby between us? But then there are those who are just so happy for us. I have two kids not planned at all and yes those pregnancies were different I was quite young and didnt know half the bad things that can happen that I know now. I just thought iam pregnant and iam going to have a baby and I did. This pregnancy is totally different, every scan, every week everyday is a milestone. Iam so excited and dream of meeting this baby then I did in my previous pregnancies not because I love my children any less but because I never knew the pain of ttc, ivf and hanging onto a pregnancy like I do now.
Will tx frostie as soon as Drs give me the go ahead - if I had time ony my side I wld wait a bit but unfort iam being judged already god knows what type of comments I wil get to hear if iam lucky enough to get pregnant again.
23-02-2014 20:22 #119
I missed the Mary Coustas iv but will watch on the internet. She uses my OB and he was featured heavily in the last interview. I really lost it after that last iv as we had just lost our baby and I was only just out of the hospital. Can't wait to see this one.
We always knew we wanted more than one baby but said we would see how we went with one. We loved having DS so much that we went back 10 mths after he was born. We did a FET shortly after and I was 6 weeks preg at his first bday! We lost that baby at 17 weeks and we did another unsuccessful FET straight after my period returned. That was our last frostie and we went straight into a stim cycle which resulted in this baby - so conceived when DS was 17 months old. We have no frosties from this cycle.
IVF is harder when you have a baby/toddler (stim cycles especially) but it is still doable. I guess you have a gorgeous little reminder if exactly why you are doing it. The hardest part for us was many appts and procedures I went on my own as DH was looking after DS at home. DH actually wasn't there when this emby was transferred which is a bit sad but you do what you have to.
This time we are waiting to see how we go with 2 kids before making a decision about going for number 3. I would say I am more keen on 3 kids than DH at this point!! I think the cost of IVF will play a big part in the decision too when the time comes, as you start to see so many things you could use that money on for the existing kids. Plus money isn't coming in as fast as we don't have 2 full time salaries anymore!!
23-02-2014 20:54 #120
I was another one who bawled during the Mary Coustas interview tonight. Like Bedlover, the first interview was just after we lost Gabriel and it was so raw at the time. I went and ordered her book straight away. Reading it was part of my healing process as the way she looked at it was really beautiful and I gained strength from it. I'm glad she brought to light the struggles so many of us go through.
Ann- I'm really sorry you are having to deal with those comments from friends. I just don't understand why some ppl just can't keep their opinions to themselves. I'm glad you have a lovely friend who has offered to do a baby shower. Every baby should be celebrated.
Lotsa- your alcove looks beautiful. I think you have done a great job. Must be so nice to see all the stuff there waiting for bub's arrival.
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