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  1. #11
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    Ripper Rita, could you give me some suggestions on how to do this? I really really want to support him but I just can't keep hearing about it day after day after day. It's been going on for two plus years, I feel like I can't do it anymore

  2. #12
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    The first thing you need to recognise is people usually only change or get help when they are ready. You can't rush or force it... It usually happens after some big tragic event unfortunately which also means they will need you and your support (but not your judgement) when that happens. I would say something along the lines of, "you love and care for them however you feel (then say how you feel honestly and how it affects YOU personally)... Like "it really upsets me when I see you hurting yourself etc". Then reaffirm that you love them and support them and always will but don't support or agree with (insert behaviour here).
    Would that work in your situation?

  3. #13
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    It gets to a point where you can only take so much and have to tell them what you really think, but chances are you'll lose them as a friend or your friendship will change. I had a friend once who was a narcissist with eating issues. I brought up her eating issues when she became pregnant because I was concerned. Safe to say it did not go down well.....

  4. #14
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    It's really hard for loved ones in such a situation. Hope your looking after yourself xx

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to RipperRita For This Useful Post:

    My Beloved Ones  (16-02-2014)

  6. #15
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    I've been there with an ex friend and could have written that post a few years ago. She made the same stupid decisions over and over. The worst was that she would constantly ask my opinion, I would be gentle in pointing out that she was making crap decisions. She would either nod... then completely ignore me and the next day be back at my house asking for the same advice or she would get the sooks and not come around for a week (which was actually a god send lol). She only wanted me to tell her what she wanted to hear.

    We are no longer friends There was more to it than the above, but the bad decisions over and over that were negatively effecting her kids and ignoring the advice that SHE asked for formed a decent part of the reason.
    Last edited by delirium; 15-02-2014 at 22:36.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by My Beloved Ones View Post
    Mentally exhausting, yep that's a good way to put it.
    I used to describe my friend as an emotional vampire. I know, that sounds so mean, but it was absolutely the truth. By the time she left every day I felt physically and emotionally exhausted bc every visit I felt like I was a counsellor listening to her *constant* problems (of which 99% she created herself).

    eta I just read it's your DH. I would be gently honest with him.
    Last edited by delirium; 15-02-2014 at 23:02.

  8. #17
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    I would too. It just depends on what his bad decisions are, he may need counselling.

    Sent from my GT-I9210T using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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