Ok, so I’m tired, cranky and frustrated, so probably not the best time to start this, but I’m so over it!!!!
My DS is 4 years old, and still not toilet trained. He is very mild ASD, and is very smart. He understands most of what we say. He sits on the toilet, he’s happy to do this, but WILL NOT do anything! To start off I was ok with this and I thought he’s just not ready, so I have left it. I’ve been totally patient with him until now, and now I feel like I’m going to snap.
I get him to sit on the toilet, I let him see me on the toilet, I name wee and poo when he sees it so he knows what I am talking about, but he is completely oblivious to it. I feel like he just doesn’t care and doesn’t want to be bothered with it, so he simply wont try. I’m thinking, maybe its time to get out the tough love.
I gave im heaps of water earlier, and after about half an hour, I made him sit on the toilet while I was with him, for about 20 minutes. I even tried bribing him with stickers and ice cream, which he understood and was happy about, but still would not do anything. I was concerned he’d get a sore bottom sitting on the loo, and I didn’t want him to learn to hate it, so I let him off, and told him if he needs to do wee, he is not to do it on the floor and instead go to the toilet.
This sounds a bit far fetched, but with his understanding of some things, these kind of concepts are relatively easy for him to learn. I’m so over it now and I’m tired, if I go out to the lounge room now and find he’s peed on the floor I’m going to hit the roof. I know that sounds awful, not normally like me and I’m usually so patient, I just can’t take it anymore. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll feel better, in the mean time, I need some advise and/or support!!! Please help.
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10-02-2014 15:29 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
Need help toilet training!!!!!
10-02-2014 16:10 #2
I get how frustrating it is. My ASD son finally trained at 4 1/2.
We did similar, pumped him full of water and sat him on the loo for up to 30 mins at a time, using the iPad and bubbles and other toys to keep him entertained.
We started that at about 3 with his therapists. At 4 we gave up over the winter. Then one day we started taking him again and all of a sudden it clicked and he got it.
With my son though it's often a case of the more we want him to do something the less willing he is to do it. So we had to try and not make a big deal of it.
His OT also gave us a toileting dvd, Tommy's toileting I think it is? Which we watched a few times a day, along with story made up with his pictures.
Oh, and visuals in the toilet. My son is quite verbal too, but visuals still have a great effect.
10-02-2014 16:55 #3
Oh yes I feel your pain and my DS is only 3 1/2. I am so over toilet training. Yes he gets it, yes he is smart and affectionate, understands the concept, but just simply gets so caught up in what he is doing he forgets and before he knows it he is weeing.
I think with boys it can be terribly difficult because they do get so caught up in a task that they don't notice when they need to go. Other times DS has no accidents for days, then bam, a week of constant accidents, so annoying at this stage. He also holds onto his poop until I put his bed-time nappy on, even though I sit him on the toilet beforehand etc.
All I can say is that it will happen eventually, but you aren't alone in this. Us people with difficult to TT kids understand, it's easy for others with kids who successfully TT at a younger age to blame us parents but they have no idea, so don't listen to any criticism either. Hang in there, sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I can relate. Sometimes it takes all my patience not to scream at DS when he wees everywhere and I know that sounds horrible but it's so trying!
10-02-2014 20:18 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
mel04 and Fleetwood - Thankyou both so much for sharing your stories. I hear in my mind people saying "your not the only one" and I try to keep positive, but hearing your stories and support makes all the difference.
I know in my heart he'll get it one day, I'm just stuck as what to do and when... I've tried nappy off, wearing undies, letting him have accidents, tried potty and toilet, used training pants, tried association, rewards, showed pictures told stories you name it, I'm pretty sure I've tried it... It ended up getting the better of me and I feel so overwhelmed.
mel04- That was a good point you made about the visuals. Now that DS is talking (started 8 months ago) aside from story books, I've stopped the visuals, so I think I may give that a go again. What sort of visuals did you use? What were the pictures like? Sequence or just labelling?
Also, I'm hoping to get him to start seeing an OT this year, I have to say I'm a little sceptical on how it will help, but I think he's ready for a new approach.
Fleetwood - yes I understand, my DS sounds quite similar to your boy. I actually got him to poo on the toilet at 2 years old (after spending a long day int he car travelling, I knew he needed to go and I sat him on the loo with his iPad and bingo, but it wasn't on purpose) I had hoped he'd get it after that, but we moved house shortly after and he was scared of the toilet in the next house, so we didn't push him. He's ok with it now and he'll sit on the toilet happily now, as he gets a small sticker for sitting on the toilet for a short period. He has been told that he can have a nice big sticker (which he is really excited about) if he does wee or poo, in the toilet and I point into the toilet. He'll point to and repeat what I say, but I don't know if it really is sinking in. When he is under the shower and he does wee, most of the time he is so interested in the bath toys, he doesn't even take notice that he is weeing.
Another problem I face is poo. He doesn't go in the corner and squat to do poo like most kids. He stands up and will go on his tippy toes to do it, which makes me think maybe sitting down to do it is going to be hard for him. Also, when he has done poo, he know's he has done it, but he'd rather leave the dirty nappy on than be changed. Its like he doesn't like the thought of it so he would rather pretend it hasn't happened. I ask him, " have you done poo?" and he will say "No!" even if he has. When I go to change him, he wants me to clean him as quickly as possible, so I'm ot entirely sure what is going on in his mind.
Even stories I tell him, he is not really interested to pay attention too, even though he loves story time. Maybe he just doesn't want to know about it? This tells me maybe he's not ready, but when will he be? They say there is never a "perfect" time to do something, so just do it...
He mightn't be ready, but I sure am and I don't want to wait until he's 5 years old or older do learn. He will be going to 4 year old kinder next year (at 5 years old) and start school when he is 6 the following year. I really would like him to be properly toilet trained before them, provided I don't stuff it up in the mean time!!!!!
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