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05-02-2014 10:09 #31
The Following User Says Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:
River Song (05-02-2014)
05-02-2014 10:56 #32
05-02-2014 15:02 #33Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Like I said before, if we turn this around, and OP had said she has a old friend now FB friend, who used to be slim and athletic, but has started to put on a bit of weight to the point where according to friends, she gets puffed out during sport, and she's starting to look pretty chubby in photos, and that OP is thinking about saying something to this girl about her weight gain because she seems so unhealthy and that she probably has an eating disorder and maybe mental health issues (with no other evidence than weight gain).... I think people would probably agree that this is a bad idea?
05-02-2014 15:10 #34Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
It's the same as if u notice a friend getting heavier. You don't say anything as it isn't your place. I'm sure even if she has an eating disorder, you commenting on it isn't going to help in any way
05-02-2014 15:14 #35
It's lovely that your concerned for your friend and have the guys to lend out a hand when so many people would ignore it.
It is totally different approaching someone who has always been naturally thin to approaching someone who has all of a sudden lost a noticeable amount of weight when they where already in (what sounds like) good shape.
THAT is not healthy.
Set up a lunch date (you can see her food habits then as well). And just talk to her, be open and honest.
DH, Me and our two boys.
#3 due 30th Sept
05-02-2014 15:54 #36
I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, as I got sick of being overweight. I thought I looked great, but was told by several family members and friends that I was tooooo skinny. I thought about it and gained back 5 kilos to appease them.
I look back at photos of me then and completely agree with the concern raised to me.
Though at the time it was annoying having people say it to me ("They're just jealous", "they don't know", etc). But ij the end I realised they were all my loved ones and they wouldn't be telling me unless they were genuinely concerned.
If you think she will consider your input to be invaluable, then go ahead. Otherwise perhaps get those closer to her to help her through this time?
05-02-2014 16:28 #37
During my struggles, the best way a friend approached me was by not asking or commenting directly about my weight but just asking how I was. That's it.
OP, it seems like you have the best intentions. It's great that you care about this person. Just be there for her, be someone she knows she can sit with and just chat with.
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05-02-2014 17:34 #38
05-02-2014 17:47 #39
05-02-2014 19:02 #40
I am a person who, at times, has gotten too skinny. As in, bones jutting out, pale, looked sick. My reasons were not an eating disorder, one time was due to extended breastfeeding & DS1 literally sucking all of the fat off my bones.
But I can say that at the time I did not notice how bad it was. I felt slim, not skinny, and thought I looked great. It wasn't until later, looking back at photos that I realized how skinny I had gotten. It didn't result in any health issues for me but I'm sure if it did then my family would have said something.
So my point is, she may not realise that she has taken it too far. If she is having health issues as a result I think it's fine to mention it. But she might also think you're talking crazy.
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