I recently had my son, and he is now 5 months old. My partner and I have very supportive parents, but to my shock and horror I heard about 4 other of my family members having a ******* session about my baby and I while I was pregnant. I let everyone know I was pregnant at 11 weeks, messaging any family members I had numbers of. We had some issues so we refrained from telling anyone else for a while. The week before I planned to go see said family members, I got word from a very trustworthy source that they had been present to a conversation about me, saying I was too young and couldn't handle a baby (I am about to turn 22, my partner is 27, I have worked AND studied since the age of 15, and I own my own car and pay my own bills). I believe this person, because I have seen countless times these family members do the exact same thing to other people, its like they thrive on it. I was devastated and didn't know what to do, I couldn't believe these people I had grown up with, spent so much time with, could have so little faith in me.
I kept my silence. I decided not to involve myself in it, act like I didn't know and just not bother to visit as I was so angry. A few weeks later, I found out my cousin was pregnant too. Being only a year older than me, and in the same situation as I am(although, I have been in my relationship SIGNIFICANTLY longer than her) I expected she would get the same criticism.
Not a word was said.
Now I wasn't supposed to know that she was pregnant, so I waited to see how long it would take for her to tell me. She never did, and is still currently pregnant as far as im aware. I messaged her asking why? She wasn't involved in anything that had happened so far. She said that I HURT MY FAMILY by not telling them. Before she even knew why I hadn't told them myself she automatically assumed I was at fault and I should be punished. She wasn't involved, but she now is, as I have cut her and those family members from my life, after telling her exactly what happened and verbally letting go how I felt and how betrayed I felt. How much it actually hurt me with the double standards.
I kept the peace for 4.5 months after my son was born, these family members came to visit and gave him gifts. I can't have them be involved now, I felt like I had to defend my son and I before he was born and I shouldn't have to feel that way. Family shouldn't make you feel that way. My son has his wonderful grandparents, his aunt and uncles, and most importantly my partner and I. He gets everything he needs and more.
It will take me a while to get over the hurt, and I feel like this whole thing isn't over yet, they will carry it on and on. I just want to move on with my own family, but it lingers in the back of my mind. I just didn't expect it.
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04-02-2014 12:38 #1
I need to vent about unsupportive family members.
04-02-2014 13:58 #2
hi gamermummy, I am wondering why you are still so upset about a conversation that happened months ago. ? The family members have come to visit the baby, and brought gifts, I would take that as a peace offering. There is no need for every person in every family to be the best of friends with each other, actually that would be almost unheard of. Are you upset because the cousin was not criticised as you were? Everyone will always have an opinion of whatever, and if you hadn't been told about this conversation, how much closer would you be to the family members?? I feel it is a storm in a teacup, and there is no need to carry it further. If you want to ignore family that is your choice, but I would not carry the hurt around with you. Marie.
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04-02-2014 14:38 #3
@SuperGranny and you wonder why you think you are a thread killer. Lol. Quite often your comments are adequate and not often needed to add to afterwards
04-02-2014 14:43 #4
It was only a few weeks ago I had the altercation with my cousin, they weren't aware until that point that I knew about any of it.
04-02-2014 18:01 #5
Do what you feel is right if you don't want be around them then that's you choice maybe after some cooling off time you might reach out to them again r sooner than you think but if they are upsetting you then do what you feel you need to do
By Arlais in forum Pregnancy & Birth General ChatReplies: 29Last Post: 17-10-2013, 19:43
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