So after finding out I was pregnant. I tried so hard to get excited. As soon as I peed on that stupid stick.. I was instantly heartbroken... Nothing could fix how I was feeling. I cried for hours each day for 2.5 weeks, then after much thought. I had a termination on the weekend. I was very early. 6 weeks to be exact. And I was fine. I got through it all no tears, even with what he said .Now the ex wasn't too supportive even said as we were leaving "lets go and blender this baby" but still it was cool i brushed it all off as he was hurt and he had every right to be.
I came out of surgery in pain.. (ALOT) but no bleeding so I was ok with it all... still no tears.... Come Tuesday....... well I started pouring out with blood making everything so much more real... and all my emotions came crashing down... Suddenly the blood made it so much more real... and now I cant stop thinking about what if. Or i would be having my ultrasound tomorrow... just stupid little things like that.. then today.. a baby bunting catalog arrived at my house which made me cry and now I am refusing to go outside besides with my kids.
I deleted my fb as I have 3 friends having babies and pics are everywhere and I keep thinking ... hey that could of been me..
Now my reasons for not keeping this baby were logical. I just started a new job, I am 3 months behind in my bills. I am struggling to look after my current 2 beautiful girls and I wanted to give them the best, and even with my job I would be struggling. I don't want to live on centrelink, and I want to get my own home when I can afford it so I don't have to struggle as much. The father and I are not together and never will be again.
But then as soon as I started bleeding I started regretting everything, my whole logical thinking was pushed away and all my emotions have taken over. I cannot stop crying about this. And it is so stupid, I know I shouldn't be feeling hurt, I wasn't hurt until the bleeding happened, I was fine, I was happy with my choice.. maybe it was out of sight and out of mind - and I was cool with that. Now it is affecting my job as I am crying, and I cant go to do my study either as I cant even make it out the door.
Now I am having horrible cramps and all I keep on thinking is I should of taken the pill instead. At least I would of been able to say goodbye, rather than them taking it and shredding it to make sure they got it all....
I am just so hurt and I don't know where else to turn right now. My ex wants me to turn to him, but I don't him touching me.
Please someone is any of this normal???? I feel like I am letting my current children down because I am emotional, which then makes me even wonder why I did it in the first place.
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29-01-2014 09:34 #1
Still very emotional :( please tell me this is normal!!!
29-01-2014 10:10 #2
Sorry, I have no experience with this but I wanted to offer you some hugs
I'm sure the emotions you are feeling are normal, even for someone who is confident in their decision.
I hope someone in here can give you some better advice from a position of personal experience.
Please be kind to yourself.
29-01-2014 10:27 #3
Sorry again I don't have experience with this but I'm pretty sure that these feelings are normal. Big hugs
Hopefully someone on here will have some personal experience to share with you
31-01-2014 19:15 #4
I am so sorry to hear what you're going through.
I want to reassure you that this is perfectly normal. Everything you describe fits with what is sometimes called post-abortion syndrome, which there is info about on the net. Women who experience other pregnancy loss or stillbirths can also have similar symptoms.
Like any loss, these feelings take time to sort through and the healing process is different for different women (and men).
Is there a close relative or friend who you can talk to? A parent or sibling perhaps? The SANDS website may have some helpful information for you and there is a non-judgemental church-run group called Rachels Vineyard who can also offer post-abortion support.
Can I suggest that you do share some of these feelings with your ex. He sounds like he may be grieving, too, and perhaps he may be able to care for your children while you take the necessary time to heal.
I hope that you are able to find peace.
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31-01-2014 19:47 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2006
It sounds like the grieving process, I had a termination due to medical reasons, and even though I knew it was the right thing to do, and my doctors strongly advised me to do it, I felt devastated for a really long time. I think you should seek some counselling, you are grieving and sometimes it helps to have a non judgemental and non invested person to talk your feelings through.
Also, maybe give the clinic a call and mention the pain and bleeding. It is probably ok, but maybe just double check?
I hope you are ok.
31-01-2014 20:58 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
I'm really horrified and angry for you that the fob said 'lets blender this baby' grr, how insensitive and callous! I wouldn't want him touching me either! Its a monstrous thing to say omg Yes these feelings are very normal unfortunately You will be ok but like with any loss it takes time. All you can do is give yourself a break and focus on achieving the goals you set out for yourself. I wish I could make it better for you, this is such a horrible feeling (I have been there) *Hugs*
01-02-2014 01:18 #7
Subbing to reply tomorrow from laptop
just briefly what you are feeling is normal while I didnt have strong feelings of regret I did get those pangs you are speaking of, they do pass I found it took until I was past my due date. I know what you mean about regretting wishing you weren't in the sitution to start with though. With how you are feeling physically, mine was very similar nothing than lots of bleeding, if you feel ill though do see someone for antibiotics or do take the ones you were given.
Also have a look at the children by choice, they will have suggestions for non bias counselling if you need it. I would steer clear of anything religious!
Eta you can pm me if you want to chat xo
Sent from my GT-N7105T using The Bub Hub mobile app
Last edited by headoverfeet; 01-02-2014 at 01:37.
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01-02-2014 01:24 #8
04-02-2014 23:24 #9Junior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2013
I had a termination a few weeks ago...
I have also had a difficult time emotionally. It was not an easy decision to make, but it was the best decision under the circumstances. Before the procedure, that is all I focused on. I didn't allow myself to think about what would be happening if that makes sense. I just looked at the big picture. After the procedure, I felt numb for a few days. Kind of emotionless? It was weird! But then a few days later it suddenly hit me and all I can think is what have I done?! I just want my baby back! And logically I know that I made the right decision, and I couldn't have had the baby. But I can't push those feelings aside.
I think the whole way through from when I found out I was pregnant till now, my emotions have been totally in conflict on everything, every step of the way. I keep thinking I rushed the decision, the procedure. I felt like I was in crisis mode and had to deal with it asap. I wonder if I'd given myself more time, would I have chosen a different path? I don't know? Probably not. But all the what ifs have kept me awake night after night.
Unfortunately for me, there have been complications with my termination and it looks like it may need to be repeated due to retained tissue. Now that has messed with my head big time. I keep thinking, what if it didn't work?! Part of me felt almost excited that maybe there was a chance that everything was still ok in there and I'd get a 2nd chance. But then, I'm still in the same situation I was in in the first place, nothings changed. And I know my baby is gone. I just have to accept it!
I regret being in the situation in the first place. I'm pro choice for every woman, pro life for myself. I still can't believe I've had a termination!
07-03-2014 20:49 #10Junior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I know exactly what you're going through... Months have passed for me, and I'm still heart broken and filled with regret. Like you, my reasons were logical at the time, but my heart was in conflict with my head in the end I made the decision based on the kind of life I could give the baby if he/she had been born, and as my life was in extreme disarray at that moment... I didn't think it was fair to add an innocent baby to all of it. I was crying hysterically beforehand, as I was going under.. And when I woke up.. I kept saying "I want my baby back!!"... And if I could go back in time, I'd change it all.
I learned very valuable lessons, that I'll never forget.. And I will never, ever be the same.
I began to pray for the first time in my life, and I'd like to think that my baby hears me..
All you can do.. Is realize that despite what you're feeling- you made the decision that was right for you and the baby at that moment... You can't go back, and neither can I.. You made the decision out of love and logic, it wasn't out of selfishness or cruel heartedness.
You should seek counselling.. You'll need to. I was so depressed I didn't eat for 12 days.. And I ended up having a breakdown.
I'm here if you need to talk.
Take each day at a time and seek counselling. Busy yourself with your children.. And please look after yourself because they love you and need you
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