If anything the OP sounds like she just wants her sister to herself and doesn't want a man taking her away from her. Shes a grown woman, shes entitled to make her down decisions in life and doesnt need said sister to dictate her relationships. Heaven forbid she be in a new relationship and happy!
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24-01-2014 10:04 #41
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24-01-2014 10:22 #42
I'm with you OP, I'd do anything to prevent my sister wasting another 9 years of her life with an emotionally abusive deadbeat leaving her with nothing but tens of thousands of dollars in debt that he racked up. I did the 'right' thing with that relationship. I let her make her own decisions and kept my opinions of him to myself. I will not stand back and let her waste another minute of her life with a loser boyfriend and if snooping is required then I will snoop. Hell I'd hire a PI if I felt that was what was necessary to protect my sister. I'd rather she hate me than see her suffer another day in a destructive relationship.
You need to trust your instincts. The licence may have just been kept in the car. Were there all the other normal cards? Credit cards,.Medicare etc? The prostitute cards - are you 100% sure that is what they were? I wouldn't imagine they would have their profession on their card, just a name and number.
I think it's a little premature to jump the gun and start accusing him of anything yet but I'd keep your eyes and ears open for any more warning signs then definitely talk to your sister.
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24-01-2014 10:25 #43
24-01-2014 11:00 #44
I agree with everyone who has said what you've done is not right. I get the need to protect your sister. I would do anything for mine.
But I would never snoop in someone's wallet and then nit pick at everything to do with it. You don't know this bloke from a bar of soap.
Leave them alone to work out their own relationship. Unless there is obvious reasons that justify your snooping, you have no right interfering on that level.
24-01-2014 11:57 #45Member
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- Dec 2013
I stand by what I said. I did make a few assumptions, and perhaps I should have made those clear before I posted. I assumed snooping through other people’s private stuff was not normal behaviour for the OP. I also assumed she had good reason for being suspicious and protective in the first place- either because of things about him her sister had told her or because her sister had been hurt previously. Then I assumed carrying a hooker’s business card implies he uses them regularly. And finally, I assumed she and her sister feel similarly about these things as I would – I do not surround myself with grown adults who recreationally use illegal drugs, and I would not want someone who regularly sees a hooker around my children. I should not have made those assumptions without asking the OP questions first. But if my assumptions were correct, then I undoubtedly maintain my original post.
Life is not black and white. Yes, snooping through other people’s things is wrong on principle. However, it is my personal belief that if her sister’s and her niece’s/nephew’s wellbeing (emotional or otherwise) were at risk due to her bringing a man of questionable character into their lives, I 100% support her in trying to find out more. To me, anyone who lights up a joint the first time you’re meeting your significant other’s family members is already shady – but like I said, I assumed the OP had further reasons to believe something was up. I would have done the same if it meant protecting my sister and her children. I am fully aware way more men have paid for s*x than most people would care to think, but it is one thing for it to be an occasional thing that happened when they were younger and not in a serious relationship… it’s quite another to be carrying their cards around in your wallet when you’re in a relationship with a woman with children. That is NOT okay in my book, and I don’t care how the OP found out about it.
Also, whoever called me nosey and possessive – I do not snoop through my DH’s stuff because I trust him completely. If he gave me reason not to trust him, I would ask him first (ie, if he was cheating on me, or whatever the action in question was), but I know my DH and like many men, he would most likely lie if put into a corner. So if I had kids already and I felt like his potential actions were putting us at risk, you are damn right I would be snooping through his stuff to get my answer. And he knows that. So call me whatever you want, but my priority is the health, safety, and emotional wellbeing of my family as a whole – not protecting someone else’s privacy.
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24-01-2014 12:00 #46Member
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- Dec 2013
I re-read and see she said her sister had nothing but nice things to say about him otherwise- so I did miss that. All else I stand by.
24-01-2014 12:13 #47
For those that think it is ok to snoop through a perfect strangers wallet/purse, I hope you would be ok with them going through yours.
24-01-2014 12:15 #48
I'm going to go against the grain here because I have been guilty of it in the past and Iam NOT generally a snoop. I have never snooped through my dh's personal things for instance and never ever would. BUT I did date this guy once back in my early 20's. There was just something about him that I can't explain that didn't add up. I'm not a suspicious person, exactly the opposite in fact as I tend to give people the benefit of doubt and try to look for silver lining so to speak. I can't explain exactly what set off my suspicions, I'd prefer to think it some kind of instinct but I went through his phone when he was in the shower one time on a whim and found he was cheating on me with a number of women. I've dated many men in my 20's and never once have repeated this behaviour so it certainly is not my nature to be suspicious or snoop. I can only say that something in the way he acted set of alarm bells for me and I'm really glad I did snoop and didn't waste any more time on such a loser. I'm a big believer in following my instincts. They are there for a reason. Your body sometimes picks up subtle clues from people that are there to warn you that "something isn't quite right", be aware and be alert.
OP I wouldn't do anything drastic or get caught in the crossfire but I would certainly keep my eye on him and be there to support your sister.
Last edited by RipperRita; 24-01-2014 at 12:29.
24-01-2014 12:17 #49
Nothing good will come of you interfering OP. Trust me on this one, even when people say "I wish you had of told me he was a deadbeat, please tell me next time!" when it comes to the crunch and they are thick in the honeymoon period of a new relationship they don't want to hear it no matter how many facts you bring to the table and no matter how strong your relationship is it will bite you in the bum.
You have to let people make their own mistakes. And if he really does have nothing to his name like your story implies then the worst that could happen is he will swindle some cash out of her or a free ride for a bit - annoying yes but something that is easily recovered from.
If she asks what you think of him then be honest and say you have your reservations but as long as she is happy you are happy and leave it at that, I guarantee you no matter what hard evidence you find she will defend this guy til the end.
The actions you have taken and opinions you have formed just make you sound jealous of this person for taking your sisters time and attention away from you - this may 100% not be the case but people can only form assumptions and opinions based on the information you have portrayed in your original and subsequent posts
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Pusheen The Cat (24-01-2014)
24-01-2014 12:49 #50
I am the youngest of three sisters and love them to death, but I'm sorry if one of them told me they snooped through someone's wallet no matter what has been found I would be furious with them.
I would not be telling her that you have done it, but as woman talk maybe if she hasn't already, ask her as she is seeing a new partner have they had sti checks and since you don't know anything about where the cards have come from forget about them. You have only met him once wait and see what he is like after a few meetings. If things go sour be there for your sister, her choices her life.
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