The last week or so everything has really gotten to me. I feel like I'm a terrible mother all I seem to do is yell at the kids and even resorted to smacking them at times. Our house looks like a bomb has gone off and I really can't cope with that. To top it off I'm have so so much work to catch up on before mid Feb and I have to finish my cert III before July
My children are DD 2 yrs and DS 3.5 yrs. DS is pushing the boundaries in everyday, answering back, ignoring us, doing whatever he wants whenever he wants and has massive hysterical temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. Now DD is copying whatever he does so basically all day they scream about something. They are never happy and that's breaking my heart more. We do loads of things with them, they socialise with kids all the time and still not happy.
I feel like my life is spirally out of control and I can't stop it. I'm normally so organised but I'm not now. I now know why women up and leave their families as I have felt like doing it several times lately, I never ever would though.
Has anyone else felt like this? Is it normal?
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20-01-2014 11:06 #1
Has anyone felt like they can't do it anymore?
20-01-2014 12:32 #2
hi markandsandy, It is normal for a once and while bad day. We have all had moments when we would throw our arms up in the air and walk away. The difference is in the number of bad days. Do you have any break from the children , day care days, or kinder days. ?? How are you sleeping, do you wake feeling good , or just dragging yourself out of the bed. ? There could be problems with diet, yours and the childrens. You could have a depression? I would have chat with your doctor, and see if there is something more serious. Or if you can arrange for someone to have the kiddies so yucan have a break and get back on top of the household, and then feel back in control. Sometimes it is just the combination of things, that put such a weight on our backs, don't be hard on yourself. ask for help if you have family nearby. Marie.
20-01-2014 13:02 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
OP I only have one child but I feel like I can totally relate to your post. DD is only 1 but is such a handful. Throws massive tantrums for everything, hits me in the face all day, when I try to feed her throws the food all over me and the floor, cries all the time. Lately I've just been feeling so over it. She's so aggressive towards me but won't let me be out of her sight for a moment so I can't even do housework and I'm usually so organised but lately the house is a pigsty and I can't get on top of it. I've found myself thinking I can completely understand why people leave their families with young children. Like you I never would do it but I find myself thinking about it in the really stressful moments.
I don't have any advice but just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling this way. I don't know if it's depression or what but most days I wish I could just go back to my child free life.
20-01-2014 13:22 #4
Hi OP. You sound like you're having a rough trot.
Do you have a weekly or daily routine? I found this really useful when my 2 were very little. The day started with breakfast. The rule was that if they were out of bed they were either to have breakfast or get dressed. As soon as they did one then it was time to do the other one.
After breakfast we would go for a walk (or go to the gym after i joined). A bit of fresh air and exercise does wonders for your own mental health.
I used to usually make the snacks and lunches for the kids in the morning so that I didn't have to faff around in the kitchen prepping food if one was being difficult.
Each week there was a combination where I had one to one with each child and one day of child free time. I used child care for this.
I also went to play groups and planned other activities for them. We did activities in the morning, the afternoon was more quiet indoor time/tv time as they got too feral to do anything with but refused to sleep.
For storage we have systems of boxes so clearing up toys is quick and easy. We also limit the kids on how much they can have out at any one time.
For discipline we use the time out chair (or the thinking chair as we call it) where if they don't do as their asked by the count of 3 then they have to sit on the thinking chair and think about what they should or should not be doing. It also means that I get a minute or two to walk away from the situation and calm down.
20-01-2014 13:40 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
Sounds quite normal to me though it might help to ask yourself a few questions.
1. do you have more days like this than good days?
2. do you yell/hit your kids out of anger?
3. do you feel sad?
4. do you not want to get up in the morning cos its all too hard?
5. are you tired ALL the time?
If you answered yes to any of these it might be worth having a chat with your GP.
I dont want to scare you but i suffered for many years until things go so bad i was deep in a depression and was hurting myself. Turns out i was never diagnosed with PND and in turn triggered (genetic predisposition) bipolar.
I would yell/hit my kids for no reason (something ill NEVER forgive myself for), i would cry all the time, i would leave the house in a pig sty and get angry when i had to clean it. I would curl up in bed for hours not able to get up and then resented my DH and kids when i had to. I was tried all the time even though i would sleep 10 hours a day.
It was so hard and it wasnt until i told DH want was happening and what i was doing to myself that i knew it was time to seek help. I was out on anti-depressants (among other things) and my life now is completely different.
Im not saying this is you but at some point you really should ask ourselves a few hard questions.
Having time away from the kids is very important...just as important as being with your kids i think.
I now put my kids in the creche and go swimming. I find time for myself as well as my kids.
20-01-2014 22:49 #6
My kids have similar age gap to yours, dd is 4 and ds 2.5. There have been many times when I wished to go back to my child free days and I am guilty of screaming at my kids pretty much every day. It's like I try so hard not to then they fight and whinge and it builds up to the point where I am ready to explode.
As ds has gotten older things are getting better because he can understand more and dd is becoming more independent and can entertain herself better. I work 3 days and the kids go to daycare. On one of those days dh will pick them up so I have some time to myself which is so great as I do think it's important to recharge. On the 2 days I don't work we always go out somewhere even if it's to the shops or my mums house.
I should also add that my house is a mess most days. Hiwever, now that the kids are getting older I am getting them to help tidy up and put their clothes and toys away. I am also not entertaining them all the time like I used to and they have to wait sometimes if there is housework that needs to be done.
I don't have any advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I do think things will get easier as your kids get older.
If you are finding things too overwhelming and unbearable then I agree with the previous posters that it could be beneficial to get some outside help from family, friends, gp etc.
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