Hi, just wondering what most of you thought about your current or future left over frozen embies?
Quick run down on my TTC story so-far...I have PCOS, DH has great swimmers. After trying naturally, then Naturopath, then Clomid, I was blessed with my dd on my 2nd FSH OI/IUI. 2nd time around I've just come off 4 cycles of OI with 3 IUI's which ended up with a miscarriage on Christmas Eve.
I'm just waiting for AF to get started on my first IVF cycle and I just can't stop worrying about any possible left over frosties as I only want to be blessed with one more bub. My Google/Bubhub research has taught me that the majority of PCOS ladies tend to get lots of embies most of the time?? I know my two choices are to throw them out or donate them but....I can't say I'm happy with either of those choices? How does everyone else reason this choice out? I need to find a way around this as I'm no where near deciding to stop at one child and I'm all out of TTC choices.
Hats off to any super strong/unselfish couples who choose to donate their leftover frosties but, I know that I couldn't live my life looking at strangers children and imagining that this or that one looks like me or my DH or my mum ect?! My dd looks ***sooo*** much like my DH that I'm sure our future embies/children would more than likely be the same and I would instantly recognise them if fate made us cross paths.
Where's I do consider myself " pro-choice" (except when people use it like their regular contraception!) I feel like years of infertility and now secondary infertility, my miscarriage and most importantly my beautiful daughter, I am definitely against abortion for myself and throwing out 1,2...10 (!) left over embies is waaay to close to abortion for my liking and personal morals How could I do that to several embryo's when I was absolutely devastated at miss-carrying one of their siblings? How could I choose to throw several of my DD's brother or sisters in the trash when I have the most perfect, beautiful proof of what they can potentially grow into in a mere few weeks currently sleeping so beautifully next to me??? My dd was exactly like those little embies a few short weeks before I felt her first little flutter-kicks in my belly.
And lastly....I'm terrified that me thinking like this will tempt fate to give me NO frosties and then my freshie won't stick Help! I'm really desperate for some different prospective's on this hurdle I'm trying to get over
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18-01-2014 06:34 #1
Left over Embies dilemma??
18-01-2014 07:35 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
If you did decide to donate you can do known donation so you get to know the people and can in future have a relationship with th family and children. Or anonymous where you just find out a child was made and the child can find you after 18.
I myself haven't been through this but have donated my eggs. I don't know what else to say. I know some amazing women looking for embies and they would welcome you and your family into theirs so you could have as much contact or as little you wanted if a child was produced... It also depends what your husband thinks as he also would have to consent to the donation of embryos.
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18-01-2014 08:21 #3
I have been an egg donor to a lady I met through bubhub & obviously to do this in the first place gives an idea of how I feel about infertility.
I thought I wld be ok with the recipients donating any left over frosties, however I feel a little differently now. Although I'm not 100% comfortable with getting rid of them, I'm less comfortable with my boys having yet more (genetically) half siblings out there.
I guess what I'm trying to say is it is "ok" to have those thoughts & don't worry yourself about this now. Don't think this will jinx you either; that's so much pressure and guilt to give yourself (aren't we so good at that haha)
Concentrate on the now.
You never know, once you've finished your family you may be happier to donate. That is why I donated; yes I could've have 5, 10, 15 kids myself (not really), but the fact was I was finished and happy and content.
My recipient had a girl (and preg with #2) so I needed to be "ok" with 'just' having boys.
And even though her DD is 'genetically' mine, she's def not my daughter.
Good luck with everything x
DH (34) Me (30)
DS1 (8) * DS2 (4)
❤️ My Family ❤️
Egg donor 2012
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18-01-2014 09:03 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
I felt exactly the same way as you before I started. The only way I could console myself with the idea of having left over embies was by deciding to use them all, knowing that they all probably wouldn't take anyway. My feeling was that if I had made them then I would use them. Anyway to cut a long story short, I never ended up getting those illusive numbers. I ended up having to do 8 cycles to get one Viable pregnancy. And no frosties. In the end i was fighting just to get one. I think take it one day at a time. You can't predict what is going to happen and how you are going to feel.
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18-01-2014 09:20 #5
@Ladydee There is another option for donation and that is donation to research. This is the option I am thinking about as I still have 2 frosties left and I have completed my family after a long journey with IVF.
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18-01-2014 15:21 #6
Thanks heaps ladies! You've each given me exactly what I needed which is a different way to look at things which I was blind to before my post and your reply's xx
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18-01-2014 18:57 #7
I think everyone is so different and there is no wrong or right decision.
We have opted to donate our 'left over' embryos should we get to that stage to another infertile couple.
There was a chance we would have to seek a donor, as becoming parents to us is everything - and I know how very grateful we would be for the rest of our lives to whom ever gave us our miracle this is what made our decision.
I think any decision made is the right one, as it is very personal xx
Good luck with your journey :-)
18-01-2014 19:20 #8
As our embies are half from donor product we can only destroy or donate to medical research. We only have two frosties, and we're not sure what we will do if we have one left over. But we knew the situation before doing ivf, so we will have to make a decision at some stage. I think I would want to know more about what happens to them in the 'donate to research' option before deciding. I think that families who can and do donate to others are true angels. They give what no one else is prepared to and really change a couples life.
18-01-2014 19:37 #9
Laydydee this enters my mind on a daily basis I have quite a few but only really want maybe 2 or 3 babies.
It's so hard isn't it?
18-01-2014 19:51 #10
I did see something on the today show months back about IVF clinics looking into this exact dilemma. They did mention an option for woman to put the embryo's back in during a time in her cycle that would be very unlikely for them to implant. That way they women could feel like they have completed their family and if my any miracle they did take it was just ment to be.
Personally I still struggle with this. Have 2 ds from 8 cycles and want a third ( would be over the moon to get a girl and think I would be really gutted if I donated and someone else got my girl) . Have never had more than 1 frosty survive transfer ( even after big numbers of eggs collected) and neither were successful so I'm just going to cross that bridge when I get to it.
I really admire those that can donate, you are really strong women who I think have done such an amazing thing.
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