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16-01-2014 09:31 #21
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16-01-2014 09:39 #22
Your age doesn't make you a better mother at all. Young mums are just as capable of raising children as "older mums".
You cop criticism no matter what really. If you are older people assume you waited to advance your career or the like but the truth for many is that it took 3,5,7 years to be able to have a child.
A lot of young mums I personally know work in retail/cafe's etc. because they didn't have a chance to go to uni/ further their education and studying when you have little ones around is tough. That's totally fine but just means they might not get the chance to end up in the career they want. Doesn't mean they aren't wonderful mothers.
A few women i know with fantastic careers have travelled the world and had amazing jobs, now struggle to have a child in their late 30s. Another good friend had her two at 20 and 22 and she's now working her way up the career ladder at 37 and has a great job.
Everyone is different. If you choose to have your kids young and it makes you happy, then to hell with what everyone else thinks. It's your life, you'll cop negative comments no matter what you do. Especially as a mum. Someone will always say you are too young, old, poor, fat to have a child.
Oh and I'm an ancient mum, had my baby at 32 (but it did take me 3 years) For me, the perfect age. I'm well established in my career have travelled and had lots of adventures and am now extremely happy to be a mum. I'm so grateful for my 20s though because they were great. I do know that I personally could not have been as good a parent at 20 as I could at 30. I knew nothing at 20.
Last edited by Clementine Grace; 16-01-2014 at 10:02.
16-01-2014 09:44 #23
I think there are some wonderful and some pretty crappy mothers of all ages so I would never make assumptions based solely on age.
I do know that some of the young mothers I know cop a lot more unwanted advice and judgment then I do because of their age. Unfortunately it's kind of part and parcel of being young. Although I was never a young mum, I remember I did cop heaps of unwanted advice and judgment on my life choices when I was in my early 20's. It's kind of a rite of passage that every young person goes through. Just try to remember how it made you feel when you are older and don't follow suit.
Being a mum is hard at any age... I have read that stats show that younger mothers cope not only better physically but also mentally. However I must admit that it's also nice being older and all the confidence, experience and financial stability that comes with it. It's really hard to compare me in my 20's to me in my 30's because I am a totally different person.
We really are arguing over apples and oranges.... They are both nice in their own right and both fruit but it just comes down to personal preference.
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16-01-2014 09:50 #24Senior Member
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- Nov 2011
Honestly, if I've learnt anything since becoming a mum, it's that you get judged... A lot! I think young mums do, old mums do, parents with heaps of kids, parents with only 1 kid, parents who both work, households where there is a SAHM.... Etc etc.
People will always find something to judge about sadly. I was a young mum and a not so young mum and I've been judged for different things each time.
My thoughts are, as long as you know you're a great parent then screw everyone else
16-01-2014 09:56 #25
I didn't go to uni so I missed out, when I didn't want to go to uni (I could have) I just didn't want a career. If I hadn't met DH I maybe would have but it would have been a time filler for me.
I had children young, first one must have been an accident, when in truth we tried for a year to fall with him.
There's a big age difference, they must have different dads, yes a mum at kindy actually asked me this but we tired for 2 years for our second.
My children are well groomed and really great kids, we have a nice home and car (not to say these things make you a better parent, just saying). DH has a good job, has always had a good job and people still assume they know my family. Sorry little bit of a rant lol.
Last edited by CassJ; 16-01-2014 at 10:00.
16-01-2014 09:59 #26
I don't know many people who think that way (and it's certainly not the impression I got from a recent thread, if that's what this is spin off to).
One of the most inspirational mums I know is 18 and has two kids. She is amazing.
I think it just depends on what you want from life. If being a mum is all you want then why wait? As long as you can afford it - that's a key thing for me. If you want to travel, have a career... Then waiting probably makes more sense. Not to say you can't have a career if you have kids young, plenty do, but you'd have to be really driven to do it as it would be harder (rightly or wrongly).
Am I considered an older mum for having my first at 30? Good lord! I consider myself young for my first as most of my friends had theirs in their mid-30s.
16-01-2014 10:01 #27
And before anyone thinks that "being a mum is all you want" is an insult it is not. What I mean is, if being a mum is what you want from life to the exclusion of other things. Not "all" as in a belittling term.
16-01-2014 10:05 #28
I have been both. They have their pro and cons.
I dont judge people based on their age.
16-01-2014 10:05 #29Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
16-01-2014 10:07 #30
I think what bothered me about the other thread was the assumption that she would be missing out if she had a baby now, that its no big deal to wait. The assumption that these other things are would be more important to her then starting her family.
But mostly its things that have happened in my own life, mostly when DS1 went to kindy. The other mums were mostly mid to late 30's and they said something's to me that I just found completely offensive. Some of my other friends that have had kids early have found the same thing.
Ps:30 isn't old, well god I hope not, but I'm talking about mums that have their kids in their late teens or early 20's.
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