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  1. #1
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    Angry how do you manage your own temper during a toddler tantrum?

    Hi there,

    I'm looking for some constructive advice. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. The 3 year old and I have a very intense relationship. He seems to need to be physically close to me. When he was a baby he often wouldn't go to anyone else, had difficulty getting to sleep and he seemed generally fussy. He had reflux so I spent hours with him in a baby sling when he was little! Now he's 3 he still seems to need a lot of physical contact, whether it's climbing on me, wrestling or just sitting on my lap. Before he as born I used to joke I needed a lot of personal space, so it's been a tough adjustment to have someone with me so much.

    Now here's my issue. Now when he was tantrums he lashes out at me. Kicking, hitting, throwing himself at me and screaming in my face when I try to get on his level to talk to him. Sometimes I find myself getting so frustrated with him that I have been physical with him. By that I mean restraining his arms or legs and trying to pin him down. Definitely no hitting! But by then I'm so flustered and angry I often yell back at him. It's not what I want to do, and I know it's only escalating the tantrum. I'm trying so hard to be calm when he starts up. I don't want this to continue as he gets older. I don't want this to be how we interact. I need some constructive advice about what I can do to break this pattern of physical behaviour. How do I manage my temper when he's having a tantrum?
    Last edited by Happy Camper; 13-01-2014 at 21:55.

  2. #2
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    Take your mummy hat off and put your business hat on. You are the manager of a business looking after kids. And in your head you know that yelling etc doesn't do any good. If you were looking after someone else's kid you would do the textbook approach.

    - sorry that's crappy advice, but it's all I have for now!

  3. #3
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    This is all new to me aswell, as my DS1 (2yrs) is generally very well behaved. However he's just started being a little naughty from time to time, it catches me off guard and I've raised my voice a few times. My Mum spent our childhood yelling so I don't want to do that.

    So far I've decided to walk away.....I go in to my room and close the door. He gets upset with me leaving and generally stops the tantrum pretty quick (although often cries instead).

    So I'll be keen to hear other advice too.

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    I give myself a time out; walk away go to my room and just take a minute then I go back out and bring him close and cuddle him and shush him
    Have you tried 123 magic? Its helped me a lot

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RipperRita  (13-01-2014)

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    Subbing, could have written the original post. I have got the 123 magic book, now to read it.

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    I distract him usually, ignore and walk away. It's hard blardy with tbh! I find distraction the best though in terms if deescalating. I've also found his currency, if you don't then you can't eg: ic you don't stop and get dressed then you can't go outside - let's choose which shorts you'd like to wear.,,

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    Subbing. I too get fired up quickly and respond with a yell. Just turned 4yo DD has said a few times "use your happy voice mummy and I'll be good" eeeek
    ....Off to google 123magic

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    Sorry just realised my post was pretty irrelevant , the best way I manage myself is to manage him better , I've found I wasn't listening very well so listening more and avoiding the tamtrum. He still has about 100 every day do trying to minimise through distraction and not getting drawn into a battle with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    When DS1 was a toddler and was angry/upset I used to get very quiet. I would practically whisper he would yell and scream and I would keep whispering. It didn't take long and he would either stop and say I can't hear you or he would come close and try to hear what I was saying. Often I was just whispering nonsense or a nursery rhyme which would make him laugh - it was the break we needed.

    Then we could talk about what he did and go from there. Don't know if it would work with all kids but it was non confrontational and stopped the tantrum.

    Best of luck it's tough.
    Thanks! I'm trying this,

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  12. #10
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    The few times that I've genuinely been close to throttling my ds, I put him in his room- not as punishment but as time out for me. I go to my room, have a cry if needed and return to him.

    I ask him to calm down, stop crying and then ask him why is mum angry at him, and then we go from there.

    For 'normal' bad behavior, I give him a 1,2,3 approach, or a time out in the corner.

    I also explain that mum is sad, so that they learn empathy along the way.
    HTH.

    Ps if u are going to put him in his room at any time whilst he's having a tantrum, move out all the toys so that he can't lash and make a mess.
    Last edited by misho; 13-01-2014 at 22:34.


 

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