I used to think the same before it happened to me..
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10-01-2014 11:33 #11
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Pusheen The Cat (10-01-2014)
10-01-2014 11:36 #12
Blackdomino, some times I wonder the same thing. Although it's more about if I broke up with my DH, I know he would be extremely accommodating and we could definitely work as a team...but this is because he is a good person and I could never imagine breaking up with him.
I guess there are two sides of the story and it's not always the dad that's the problem. Perhaps the bitterness and resentment towards each other over years builds up. There is a lot of history and although the kids come as part of the good history, the bad history can often take over.
10-01-2014 11:40 #13
10-01-2014 11:44 #14Senior Member
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10-01-2014 11:45 #15
10-01-2014 12:15 #16
We were no was near ready to become parents, but I did end up falling pregnant at 21, I chose to keep the baby regardless of whether he was ready to be a father or not. It wasnt the baby's fault that his father was still in the mind set of a 16 year old. Ds's father promised me that he would get his life together by getting a career and his licence. After DS turned 2 I finally gave up on pushing him to grow up and was still waiting on these things he promised me when I found out I was pregnant. I ended up resenting him for not getting his sh!t together, becoming a mother of a toddler and a teenager instead of having a partner. He resented me because I'd be on his back about things. I ended up leaving him due to falling out of love with him. He was the BEST father to our son, even though he wasnt a good provider, I have to give him that. We got along well after we split for a few months. But as soon as I started dating again, it all changed. He became purposely difficult and bitter towards me. We had a private agreement with CS, he decided to stop paying CS as soon as he found out I was seeing someone. He would make sure he worked ridiculous hours so the days he had off would clash with DS's childcare and would demand to have DS on the days he had childcare, so I'd be paying to have him in there for nothing, just to keep a spot open. Wehn he does has DS he still goes out and get his mummy and daddy to look after DS (he lives with them). He gets his mum and dad to drive him and DS everywhere, so he can only pick DS up when it suits his parents, even though he can catch public transport and get him himself, yet whines it's too far away!. He claims he cant afford to get DS clothes for his size when he grows out of his old clothes, so DS walks around in clothes two sizes too small. yet he somehow finds the money for when DS comes home with $100 worth of lego each fortnight. It's just like talking to a brick wall with him now, most of our communication is just me agreeing to his stupid demands to shut him up. Right now I'm dealing with swimming lessons and which primary school DS will be going to, as if he has any say in it anyway, he doesnt pay a cent towards DS and probably never will, so he forfeits his right to tell me what I can do with DS and where I can take him lol.
Sorry for the rant but omg **** has hit the fan every month since us splitting up, he always finds something new to sook about and demands outrageous things just because he can't grow up and is too arrogant for his own good. I can't believe
I once thought he was an ok bloke!
11-01-2014 08:04 #17
As for my other ex, well lets just say hindsight is a wonderful thing. He was an emotional abuser which I failed to see until u couldn't see a way out.
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11-01-2014 08:18 #18
Also, someone's faults can become more stark when kids are in the spectrum. So, for example, for me, it was just something I knew and accepted about my husband that he sleeps a lot (like, A LOT!). It didn't matter to me so much before I had a newborn and was getting by on three or four broken hours sleep a night while he still insisted on his 12 hours, then an hour or two 'relaxing and alone' time before he would help to look after his son. That's something I either couldn't have predicted or hadn't really thought about before becoming pregnant. Then you add tiredness, stress and poor communication to the mix and you have an untenable situation where we both didn't show the best sides of ourselves.
I know there are some true out-and-out jerks out there, but I don't think most people knowingly bring children into a relationship that is going to turn nasty or break down...
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