Without being in your situation, it's hard to know exactly how controlling and full on his behaviour is but I've been in a similar position to your husband, worried that a partners drinking may be borderline alcoholism and it scared the hell out if me. To me, it was a serious problem and one that would have certainly been cause to end the relationship because I didn't want all the problems that come with severe alcoholism in my relationship for the rest of my life and I also certainly was not willing to have a family with someone who I believed had a drinking problem.
It sounds like you've had a tough few years personally and I'm extremely sorry for that but if your hubby is only concerned about your drinking, I'd push you to have a serious chat with him/make a huge effort to cut down your drinking because that could well be the deal breaker of the relationship.
I don't mean any offence by my post, just wanted to offer the point of view from someone who's been in a similar situation to your DH.
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08-01-2014 12:38 #11
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08-01-2014 12:51 #12Senior Member
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- Nov 2013
It sounds like you may be resenting him for trying to help you? I'm not sure but from what you have said it sounds like maybe you should speak to a professional & get some guidance on how to move forward.
I would say the drinking is a bad idea if you are suffering anxiety / dealing with loss. It could easily become a coping mechanism.
08-01-2014 12:51 #13
I think it is nice for you partner to want to help you but he needs to understand that in order for you to cut down on you drinking - YOU need to want to. YOU need to do this and achieve this for yourself or it is never going to work IYKWIM?
I have an extremely addictive personality and someone trying to actively control me makes me dig my heels in. Ok, yes i am extremely stubborn aswell. But the only things that i have given up or reduced and stuck to my guns about are the things that i chose and did for myself. It is great if he will support you but he needs to realize there is a fine line between support and control sometimes.
Maybe you could try and explain it to him that way?
08-01-2014 13:49 #14Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- North QLD
Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:45. Reason: closed
08-01-2014 15:00 #15
08-01-2014 15:35 #16
Your DH sounds like he is caring and concerned for your wellbeing.
From what you have written you sound like you have an alcohol addiction that needs to be addressed and I can certainly see how a blaise attitude to it is impacting your relationship with your DH.
As for the step son, I think you are expecting too much... stand when uou want a seat etc? yeah nah I dont get it.
I think you need to sort yourself and the alcohol issues before you can repair what can be perceived as a controlling relationship.
Best of luck... I have battled (and won) addictions in the past and it is hard work but well worth it
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08-01-2014 15:40 #17
hi intrigue, perhaps you can make a pledge to your dh, in writing, what you are prepared to do with regards your drinking, and your searching for work, and whatever else, so that he can see you are going to take onboard what he wants, and really make the best effort you can. Then you also put a date on it for when the situation can be reviewed. He can then step back and allow you to improve at your own pace. Also , with the step son, do you guys do Family meetings? The issue of respect, and the issue of having a seat in your own house, that is the very best sort of thing to discuss as a family issue. perhaps you have to buy extra furniture? or work out a time table for what shows each one watches.?? marie.
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