My xh sounds similar to your dp. He worked hard all week and would spend all weekend getting drunk with his mates. Like you I stupidly thought that would magically change when we had kids, it didn't.
I stayed for the kids but eventually had enough of basically being a single mum and having to put up with his crap too. I gave him an ultimatum of either stopping drinking or he was being kicked out and he flat out refused to stop drinking, the next day all his belongings were packed and he moved out.
My advice would be to have some counselling preferably with your dp, although nothing will change until he realises that he has a problem. And don't have kids with him UNTIL he stops drinking , unless you are prepared to pretty much be a single mother.
Sorry to be so blunt but I think you really need to hear the truth.
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05-01-2014 12:48 #11
05-01-2014 13:56 #12
My ex was perfect when he wasn't drinking and I was so in love with him it was ridiculous. If it wasn't for the drinking then everything would have been perfect. I still miss the potential that relationship had, I don't think I will ever get over the fact that the relationship ended as he didn't love me enough to change, it took me a long time to get my head around the fact that he chose drinking instead of me.
I wouldn't advise you have kids with him until he has proven to you that he has changed for a considerable amount of time like 6 months to a year...
My ex got his now wife pregnant only a few months after we split up on a drunken bender and she was catholic so they got married...biggest knife in my heart ever.
I had his daughter telling me that his new wife had asked her if her father had a drinking problem a few months into their marriage...
His mother was and still is an alcoholic....it is an addiction disease.
If he wants kids he needs to seek counselling or things will never change.
Sounds like he needs to mature a lot too. If he is drinking when doing these but ours who knows if he would do this with kids in the car??? Scary thought!
Wishing you the best of luck.
05-01-2014 14:43 #13
I spoke to him about an hour ago and told him that I am not prepared to bring kids into an environment that normalises drinking to excess. I also said that I am not going to tolerate being left alone in this and if he wants to have children together then it's TOGETHER, not me sitting at home pregnant wondering when he's coming home, not exposing our children to drunken idiots etc etc. He says he realises he has a problem with going overboard and said he will cut down and watch his drinking.. What do you think?
05-01-2014 14:51 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I think he is telling you what you want to hear so that you will leave him alone.
He needs to join something like AA or get proper counselling...addictions don't just go away on their own.
Please don't go off the pill and get pregnant...words like bully, immature, not responsible, out of control do NOT go with parenting!
05-01-2014 14:56 #15-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Talk talk talk. Dont have kids with him until you've seen action.
05-01-2014 15:05 #16
Words are very easily to go back on, you need solid proof of change and not just a week or month of trying to be on his best behaviour.
He needs professional help and needs to prove to you that he is a person that no longer has those words like, bully, immature, not responsible etc attached to his personality. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache in the future. It needs to be 6 months to a year of solid proof IMO...
05-01-2014 15:13 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
Run a mile and don't look back!
I personally could not agree to be with someone who thought that was acceptable behaviour weekly. I wouldn't even consider children.
05-01-2014 15:21 #18
So relieved to read you are putting baby plans on hold, give him the opportunity to change his ways, but please don't consider children before the drinking has been knocked on the head as you will just be trapped in a miserable cycle with your child.
Drinkers are the pits and generally cannot be good parents or partners.
Hope he really takes a hard look at himself, if only for himself, best of luck xxxxx
05-01-2014 15:49 #19
Alarm bells are ringing for me. I don't think he is showing acceptable behaviour regardless of whether he is single/married/kids etc and I agree with other posters that it's unlikely this leopard will change his spots when kids arrive. I would definitely insist on major behaviour changes before TTC or else consider leaving him. Best wishes x
05-01-2014 16:26 #20
Talk is cheap. He needs to put those words into action.
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