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  1. #41
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    @Hollywood– I never said we expected people to be surprised. In fact, I said in my opening post that I didn’t even care if everyone knew by the time we told them. We just don’t want to celebrate yet. We’re 33 and 32, just married, and my DH is from a big family and has been open about the fact that he wants one as well. We were never going to surprise anyone with this pregnancy, whether we told them after the BFP or at 12wks. I’m okay with that.

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  3. #42
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    Thank you to everyone that came back with some great ideas – I definitely have enough now to get me through the next few weeks! Thankfully now it’s January so we have no major social commitments before our scan, but I also have some good ideas for hiding it better in subsequent pregnancies. I also really appreciate those that understood my situation and offered your support and empathy.

    This thread really went off in a different way than I thought it would, though! I wasn’t asking for anyone’s opinion on whether or not I had a right to be upset. If I think I may be overreacting to something, I will ask just that – it’s always good to get a general public sense check. However, in this situation I believe I have every right to feel the way I do and I did not expect to have to defend that at every turn. Pregnancy is full of highly personalised choices that must be made, and when and how to tell people is just one of them. Yes, I get that there is still a chance of loss after 12wks, but that is where DH and I have chosen to draw the line in the sand. I don’t judge people who choose to tell as soon as they get a BFP, nor I do judge people that wait until 16 wks, 20 wks or even longer. And if someone is open about ttc, but then wants to delay the celebrations, I respect that as well.

    I understand the fact that my friends knew we were ttc makes it complicated, and perhaps I should not have been open about that. But I can’t go undo that now. I very clearly told my friends I did not want to tell them before 12wks, and that is my issue with the situation – that they still ask me. I am not one of those people that says “I don’t want talk about it” when I really mean I want them to drag it out of me, just so I know they are interested. I am 33, not 13… I am capable of verbally communicating what I need and want, and I do not play games like that with my friends. My best friend (who is unfortunately overseas) told me she was ttc a few months ago. I have not asked her about it openly at all. What I did do was wait a few months and then say “and how is everything else going?” She knew full well this was her opportunity to talk to me if she wanted or needed to. She chose not to, and I respected that and moved on. She has also not asked me. She knows if I have something to tell her, I will. It’s such a highly personal thing and such an emotional time, why would you force a friend to tell you something you know they don’t want to tell you!?

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  5. #43
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    We originally were not going to tell anyone that we were expecting until 12w.
    We had dozens of people asking the both of us when we were going to "start having them" within a month of getting married. Even though I knew everyone was just excited, I felt like there was so much pressure. We ended up falling pregnant two months after getting married.

    I ended up using remarks like:
    - look I know I've put on weight since the wedding but do I really look pregnant?
    - when we are, you'll know about it.
    Etc

    Then I put some misleading comments on FB like:
    - planning our next holiday, where should we go?

    At my work Christmas party, I grabbed an empty champagne glass and carried that around until a few people saw it.

    It bugged me when the same people kept asking me if I was pregnant. You'd think they would have gotten the hint but I just had to keep reminding myself that they are genuinely excited for us.

    I hope they stop questioning you. It's such a huge, wonderful secret and I'm sure you're counting down the days to be able to tell people. All the best.

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    Midwestgirl80  (05-01-2014)

  7. #44
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    I totally get what you mean op, I think people on here love to go on tangents that have nothing to do with the original post, I think it makes them feel clever or something? Who knows.

    I think you're right that it is disrespectful of your friends to keep hassling you about something you've been very clear in telling them you don't want to discuss.
    I get what you mean with them asking after you got married, what were you supposed to say?! It's so tricky.

    I understand that some of your friends might just not "get it" (the sensitivity of the situation) and like some pp said, they are just excited for you, it's tricky, because it's hard to get mad at someone for being excited for you, but at the same time, it causes you anguish, and that's really sad.

    I'm 33 weeks tomorrow, and I'm still struggling with believing that my baby will be okay, it's so hard, I really hope everything goes well for you and your baby, and you continue to feel more and more confident that all will be okay

  8. #45
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    I admitted it if I was asked. I didn't want to tempt fate by denying my baby's existence. I told mum not to tell anyone, unless they specifically asked


 

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