If you have some spare time, it would great if fellow Bub Hubbers could read and lend some advice.
My DP had a fight with his mother mid October, this year. The fight had absolutely nothing to do with me and I never said a word during their fight, as it was between them.
1 week goes by and DP decided he wants to call up his mother and apologise and move on. He calls her up and says he is sorry, to which she abuses him and doesn't accept his apology and spends her time justifying her actions in the fight and continually not accepting my DP's apology, THEN I can hear her through the phone (as her voice was raised) starting on me saying things like "I spend money" (which I don't as I'm the biggest tight ***) and basically starts bringing up past issues between me and her which happened at the start of the year and it was all water under the bridge to me and I THOUGHT it was for he too (apparently not). At this stage her rambling on about me to my DP, on the phone, has infuriated me and caused me to start yelling at her on the phone telling her "Why am I being involved?" Etc etc. I then walked away, as I was so upset and hurt. Basically the whole 15 min phone call she hasn't accepted DP's apology AND has now started on me. DP hung up, as it was pointless to continue the fight.
THEN a few weeks later (say mid November) he speaks to her via phone, TRYING to sort it out, and she continues to justify herself and refuses to apologise to me for starting on me (which she has now told everyone else in the family I started on her). At this stage I have not said another word to her since the initial fight. Every time she calls she won't calm down, she just goes on and on and on. Once again, nothing is resolved.
THEN on 23/12 she calls out of the blue crying, inconsolable, yelling at my DP as to why he (DP) told his father (her husband) that we will not be coming over on Christmas Day for lunch. She continues to rant that if he wants to be a (my surname) then to do so and that she will NEVER apologise to me blah blah blah saying she has been there for him since he was born and just went on and on and on and wouldn't let DP even utter a word. DP eventually hung up on her it was getting nowhere.
Later that night a friend of mine screen shotted something my MIL wrote on facebook and sent it to me saying that I was longer part of HER family and that anyone that is friends with me that is also friends with her to delete me, because she doesn't want me to see anything about HER family. Wtf? I've never said or aired anything about this BS on FB the whole time we haven't spoke.
I'm so angry, confused, hurt. I haven't done anything wrong, apart from defend myself and I keep getting dragged through the mud and the fight wasn't even about me to begin with. I have not said anything to anyone but DP and her since the initial fight. I've always stated to my DP he is welcome to speak and visit his mother and make amends and take my DS over to visit, but his choice is, he is fed up and wants to steer clear of her utter BS. Wdyt, do I just cut my losses? I'm pregnant and all the worry is starting to take a toll on me. Besides, I didn't want to go over on Christmas Day because how uncomfortable would that be for me? Isn't she suppose to be angry with me? Her whole perception of this fight is bizarre. I did state DP was welcome to go over on Christmas Day if he wanted to, I would never stop him. His choice. He chose not to.
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26-12-2013 09:40 #1
Family Issue- thoughts please :-)
26-12-2013 09:56 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
I would cut my losses. She sounds like a pain in the backside.
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26-12-2013 10:01 #3
26-12-2013 10:31 #4
Cut your losses xxx
Sounds like too much hard work
26-12-2013 10:39 #5-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
It really depends what the initial fights were about. I wouldn't engage her at all. No yelling at her on the phone (no matter how tempting it may be) as she will only use this against you. And it's your hubby's job to fight the battles with his mother, not yours.
26-12-2013 11:07 #6
Cut your loses. It's not worth the stress.
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26-12-2013 11:35 #7
Just keep a low profile and let your dh deal with her. Be polite but brief in the phone.
Mummy of Max 2 from donor eggs from my lovely sister.
26-12-2013 11:43 #8Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
Sounds like a fruit loop! She keeps calling to say she doesn't accept the apology?
Dont answer the phone calls and let her work out her own crazy @ss.
For now, I'd cut your losses, stand by whatever dp wants to do but make it known that you don't want to have anything to do with her.
People who go on fb and say stuff like that are just trying to get attention, get more people on side (usually because they are in the wrong and know it) so when the time comes they have 'backup'.
maybe, in the next phone call remind her that you not being part of her family means she doesn't want your ds as part of her family. God knows what she could or would say to him about you.
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