This is a question for single mothers and past single mothers who have now found love.
Do you think you look for different qualities in a partner now than you did before children.
I haven't been with a man since my child's father.. Over 5 years ago.. I'm now wanting to get back into the dating scene.
I'm finding the men I'm dating now tend to be more personality than looks.. To me finding someone who is kind and gentle and will treat myself and my child good is more important than someone who is good looking..
But I'm also finding I haven't got that special spark and last I used to get
Do you lose that once you have kids.. I'm too busy looking out for pedifiles and non smokers :s
Do you think you can grow to love someone if that lust is not originally there?
Or does all this just mean I need more time alone?
I hope all this makes sense... Please no nasty replies.
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19-12-2013 22:38 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2013
Single mums and past single mums..
19-12-2013 23:03 #2
Single mum who has just started my first serious relationship since leaving my ex 18months ago.
Yes, I look for much different qualities now. Pre-DD I was happy to date anyone I found interesting even if we had nothing in common. Sometimes it was fun, other times, a complete disaster. This was my dating style when I met DDs father, who was jobless, couldn't maintain a household (cook, clean, etc), had a huge amount of financial debt, and I believe has mental health issues.
Now I would never date a man who wasn't stable- that is financially independent, able to look after himself (clean, cook, organise his life) and able to contribute to my own stability.
As for looks, it's never been very important for me. I'm no oil painting myself, and I don't expect a model. Personality is far more attractive than physical appearance and lasts longer. I've always found that the more you get to know someone, the less notice you take of their looks, because their personality shines through.
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19-12-2013 23:41 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
I was a single mum for five years before I met my now partner of five years.
When I started dating I defiantly looked and was attracted to different men to before I had kids .
I do find I am more tolerant within our relationship. He also has a daughter from a previous relationship and has said the same. We don't sweat the small stuff that we did in our last relationships.
I don't think it is a matter of whether you are ready, just a matter of finding my right! Enjoy the dating game
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23-12-2013 19:10 #4-
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
I guess before I had kids I went more for looks. Now I am with a man (been together over a year) who is a big man (160 kilos), he's still handsome, but I wanted a man, not a boy if that makes sense. I wanted someone who accepts my kids and my situation. Lucky I found him.
23-12-2013 19:41 #5
I'm having a break from dating but when I'm looking for a relationship, I want a guy who is financially stable, who has good family morals, has his own kids/likes kids/wants his own, who can do some household chores.
I also go with someone who has similar interests/likes and I tend to steer clear of the really metro and buff guys. They're too much into themselves and gym junkies.
Single mummy to a wonderful DS (Born 11/12/2008)
23-12-2013 20:08 #6
Yes, I am definitely more fussy, and most definitely looking for more than just the "OMG he's soooooo hot!!" type of attraction.
Unfortunately what I am looking for now doesn't seem to exist. Or at least, the very few who do exist wouldn't give me a second look. So I've opted out and just roll my eyes when people ask "so how's your love life?"
Last edited by shelle65; 23-12-2013 at 20:22.
23-12-2013 20:18 #7
Oh gosh yes. Before kids I'd.date whoever took my fancy whether we were actually suited or not.
After having kids I got way more picky. When I started dating again I spoke to.them alot before agreeing to officially go on a date, I wanted a grown up man so I knew.for sure what was important to me and what would be a good match for my family. I needed a man who was kind, caring, stable, rational, calm, had a stable job and could look after himself. A man who would accept my three kids and only want one child or none of his own. I was very sure I did not want a man like my ex husband so I was very cautious.
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23-12-2013 23:02 #8
I think priorities definitely shift once you have a child and it brings a whole different dimension to dating when you're a single mum. For obvious reasons, we probably gravitate towards more stable relationships and men who can provide that for us and our child/ren.
Having said that, I don't think it should necessarily mean sacrificing having that spark or chemistry with someone. It isn't always looks based, often it's an attraction that can run deeper. I think it's essential to be attracted to the other person most definitely.
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