Stemming from dd cutting a molar at 12 weeks. Prior to that she had really good night sleep- she would "sleep through" in the technical sense- she would be asleep by 9pm and them sleep until about 4am ish. All good.
But because she has gone through cutting two molars now, and I can only suppose that it is quite painful for her, she is really clingy and will only sleep either in the car, which up until now has been ok because we have been in the car a lot (but now with the boys finishing kinder and the Christmas shopping just about done there is no real need to travel much), or on me.
I can usually get her to sleep easily enough- on the breast. Now I personally believe that if babies were not meant to go to sleep on the breast, then breastmilk would not have sleep inducing properties. So I really have no issue with her using me as a sleep aide in that way.
But in the last few weeks she has become more and more attached to me, and will hardly let me put her down for a sleep. Again, fine when the boys are at kinder, not so cool when they are home, like they are right now. They're in the lounge, I'm stuck here with her on my shoulder in her bedroom. Not exactly great parenting.
At night she still sleeps in her bassinet in my room. Last night she was virtually in my arms all night. I would put her down. She would wake next sleep cycle. I would bring her into bed with me and sit upright (looots of cushions!) and doze. I would wake when my arms were tingly or my neck sore, put her down and the cycle would continue. I bought her into bed with me around 4am, and we both had better sleep. That can't be a permanent solution though, because dp is a shift worker- so 1. Heavy sleeper and 2. Not fair on him to have a baby in his bed when he needs sleep whenever he can get it.
I really just don't know what to do, or even what I want. I am torn between following through with my gentle approach, believing that in her own time she will need me less and less for sleep and that until that time I should do whatever it is that I need to to help her, or becoming a bit more of a hard*** and making her sleep in her own cot, damn the crying.
I guess the other issue here is that at just 4 moths old she is super attached to me and only me. Yesterday I could not put he down at all without screaming, whether she was asleep or awake. Makes doing chores a bit hard- washing, cooking, cleaning etc. so of course this sleep dependence stems from this attachment, and the attachment gems from me being the only permanence in her life. Her brothers go to kinder so they're irregular. Her father is gone some days, home some days, gone some nights etc so I couldn't even get a routine going where he can give her a bath or whatnot.
Yesterday she was sitting on my knee and he got out of bed to come see her. The whole time she kept turning around to me to make sure I was still there.
I don't know if I'm asking for help, for empathy or just a vent. Maybe I just want to know I'm not alone, but I do know that it does my head in just thinking about it!
Sorry about typos- on phone with baby in arms
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17-12-2013 08:22 #1
I seem to have created an issue...
Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 17-12-2013 at 17:15.
17-12-2013 10:13 #2
Our ds started out a good sleeper. 6-7hr stretches, never hard to settle etc. Then around 3/4months he decided he didn't like that anymore! I tried the gentle approach. Fed him to sleep, transferred him to the cot. If he fussed I would pat him back to sleep. Some nights he would only sleep 1 cycle others we could get a few hours. Eventually that all no longer worked so I would be sitting up rocking him, walking around with him, propped up in either the bed or nursing chair etc. I got to the point where I was afraid I would hurt him. I knew I couldn't continue like that so decided on a little 'tough love'. After the 2nd/3rd time he started to settle himself to sleep but I could never get him to re settle himself through the night. This resulted in us becoming part time co sleepers. My dh is happy to sleep wherever so we do a lot of bed hopping! Ds is now just over 2, can put himself to sleep in his bed but when he wakes through the night he will come into me. If dh doesn't like it he moves beds. Not much help to you because of your dp and his work though!
I really do believe though that if I hadn't toughened up a little his sleeping habits would be a lot worse or I would have hurt him (I HATE admitting that but it's the truth unfortunately )
Anyway, what I'm saying is, it can't hurt to try a little tougher approach. Let her cry a little. I never left ds to cry for long but it seemed to be enough for him to understand that even though I was leaving I would always come back. If that doesn't work then you might have to look at some sort of co sleeping arrangement.
I hope at least some of that made sense! By the end of most posts I forget what I've said and find it all starts to sound like jibberish!
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17-12-2013 10:20 #3
Its an age thing.... IMO she will outgrow it.
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17-12-2013 10:20 #4
Oh Nomsie I feel your pain My 5 month old just went through an awful 4-month fussy period and just as I thought we were coming out of it it appears he's teething and is waking every cycle overnight too! The best we've ever got is 2 or 3 wakings overnight and fed back to sleep. No advice, just a lot of sympathy...!
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17-12-2013 10:35 #5
*hugs* my dd was like this from birth.
Could not out her down EVER without her screaming and losing the plot... She also needed to co sleep or she wouldnt sleep.
House was absolutely trashed and it was a big nightmare
Then at 7 months she started fussing badly in bed tossing and turning and getting frustrated. So i put her in her cot and she went straight to sleep and its been that way ever since
Now she can crawl as well around the same time she wants to be down exploring.
I guess i just did exactly what she needed even tho it was hell, to help her adjust to life and now she is good with it.
I had her in a carrier when i was desperate to get things done.
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17-12-2013 11:38 #6
Firstly, wow your poor bubba, cutting a molar at 12 weeks is rough!
I also second the baby wearing. DS would only sleep in my arms upright on my chest, a baby carrier gave me my freedom back to get on with life....like feeding myself etc.
17-12-2013 13:54 #7
I try to baby wear but she doesn't like the HAB anymore and so I got a wompat, but she doesn't like that either!
Thanks for the replies though- its nice to know I'm not alone!
17-12-2013 14:10 #8
Sounds like 4 month sleep regression. It's such a fussy time. Any chance DH would move into a separate bed just for a little while? You need to be able to sleep too.
17-12-2013 14:23 #9
I'm getting enough sleep at the moment- it's broken but I don't feel horribly tired- not the way I did when the boys were little. And really, in comparison to their sleeping habits she is still doing quite well lol!
I did consider a 4 month regression- she just started rolling yesterday so it will be interesting to see if things improve soon
17-12-2013 14:38 #10
Sounds like my DD from birth as well, she also completely rejected baby wearing, she was more a baby holding kind of girl. yay!
No advice either except try to ride it out, I used to do a 'baby circuit' with her 5 mins in bumbo, 5 minutes in jolly jumper 5 mins in a jumperoo just to get her off me! But she was a little older.
She did get better when she started crawling and better again when walking because it wore her out. Better again when she dropped down to an arvo sleep but often even now her sleeps can be a really hard to work out puzzle!
No advice but you are not alone,huge hugs, it's like trying to figure out a rubic cube sometimes!
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