Besides I love my work I have spent over 10 years to be what I am. I like to believe I can balance both and be great at both jobs.
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18-12-2013 09:01 #41Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
18-12-2013 09:54 #42
I've been a SAHM for 9.5 years. I only have one child at home now and I keep being told I must have so much time on my hands now and I'm like what time I feel like I come home from school drop off then turn around and go back and pick them up again then it's homework, readers and dinner spending time together
18-12-2013 10:19 #43
I hate putting titles on mums like SAHM and Working Mum. It doesn't make either superior over the other. All mums are different and put different amounts of energy into their children, whether they are home full time or not.
18-12-2013 10:32 #44Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
24-01-2014 11:16 #45Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
This thread has made me feel like crying - granted that's not hard as I'm mid-pregnancy. I've been SAHM for 7 years and all of my friends work so I can relate to the OP feeling like she is in the minority. I can also see why some might be offended if they feel judged for working, which they shouldn't. I'm not sure it was meant that way. It's hard to feel like the only one doing/not doing something, I've unintentionally offended people on here before. It makes me feel sad that we are not all supporting each other. Or that we perceive a lack of support. I'm guilty of that, I feel judged for not working, I judge myself. I'm not even a SAHM by choice really. I am very lucky that I haven't needed to work but it's still not really my choice now. I've been out of work for so long now and with no family here finding suitable work that fits in with school/preschool has just not happened. I read an interesting book recently called the conflict. I didn't agree with much of what was written about motherhood but I definitely agreed that in some ways women are going backwards in real equality terms, e.g. working & SAHM guilt, the majority of childcare/household chores falling to the woman regardless of paid work. Women are not really united. We should be, though I think it's not always a real conflict but the internal pull between work and home that men (IMHO) don't have to the same degree. Something funny to kind of illustrate the difference - I was reading about groups of men in UK during recession who hadn't worked in a year or so. They were all just hanging out together in coffee shops. There was no sense that they should be keeping house running perfectly, they didn't seem to have the guilt that I experience on a rare occasion that I'd use spare time for just me! Like I'd never watch TV or read a book during the day - except maybe during MS or if related to house/study/kids… These men seem to be getting kids off to school and hanging out with each other - applying for the odd job but not obsessively trying to do their part - it was like they knew their role was to work, but without work available they didn't feel they needed to compensate by being amazing househusbands. Just my interpretation of this article I read.
Sorry I'm rambling...
This year I was supposed to be putting in some real effort to finding a job / working out what to do next year when DS goes to school. Now I am UTD again that has been stuffed up. I love my kids and honestly feel so lucky I got to spend first few years at home with them. But I hate housework/organisation etc and my brain is turning to mush. I'm sure my kids would be better off if I worked part-time. I'm totally losing my sense of identity. 7 years of no paid work is taking it's toll on me psychologically. We are doing ok financially, but I'd always worked, since I was 14 I had some job, often 2 jobs to save for things/travel etc. I don't like being so dependent. And I feel like in a sense (no offence to SAHM's) that I am not a good role model to my daughter. I've got a degree, a masters that I did part-time while working full-time, I've worked hard to get an education and now I can't organise my household. It feels like the wrong message, why encourage my daughter to study and find a career that she will give up to have kids?? I don't think that working mums judge SAHM's, but I think society has it's own ideas. I've taken too much time off to have kids to seriously expect to have a fulfilling career now. I know that's what people think, but at the same time I still have hope that somehow one day I will prove them wrong
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24-01-2014 11:48 #46
@ Freyamum I think you've done an amazing job.... 7 yrs wow! Well done. I've also been a SAHM for 5 yrs and can totally relate to everything you are saying. Iam grateful for the past 5 years and proud of my kids are but I am also slowly (and excitedly) planning my re entry back into the work force. I am grateful for being a SAHM and all the wonderful things it has brought my family but I'm not sure it was always the best decision for me at times. Sometimes I think that it was a huge sacrifice (career wise, mentally, emotionally) and I don't think for instance at the end of the day my children are really any better adjusted or any better off than working parents children are. If I were to fall pregnant again.. I'm not sure I'd make the same decision.
24-01-2014 12:42 #47
I don't really think the post was intended to offend even though I can see how it has. I took it more of family's that are on holiday with a full time nanny which does seem a little much to me, isn't holidays for family time?? But then again I don't know their circumstances either so who am I to say anything.
I've been on both sides. After dd was born I had 6 months maternity leave before returning to work 2 days a week. After a month I decided I wasn't ready and took and extra year off to be with my baby then returned to work again 3 days a week, I felt it benefited both myself and dd. Now once again I'm a sahm to 3 yr old dd. I made the decision to stay home after we lost our baby at 21 weeks last October and when dp got a job that made it possible financially for me to be at home. I feel really blessed and lucky that I have this time to be at home with her as I learnt last year life is too short to miss out on that (just *my* feelings on the matter)
In all honestly it's pretty cruisy, I do sit around doing nothing a lot of the day. But dd and I are so happy with our lifestyle. I think as long as your doing what's right for you and your family then that's all that matters, that's what makes you a good parent :-)
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24-01-2014 13:10 #48
I'm another sahm! Have been for almost 8 years now and it will stay that way until our youngest starts school (am currently 24 weeks pregnant with our 4th).
Me + he = dd1 (July 07), dd2 (July 10), dd3 (August 13), dd4 (due may 14)
24-01-2014 14:29 #49Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
I am currently but not really by choice. I have 2 yr old twins, when they were 1 I went back to work 3 days a fortnight and my mum looked after them.
We're moved to a small town, u could work at the shire office or IGA but I then I would need to put them in care, can't quite bring myself to do so. It is tricky being on 1 income.
It's taking me a while to get used to it, especially as there isn't anything to do in the small town of 600.
24-01-2014 19:48 #50
I am at the moment and I must admit while I love having the time home I really miss working.
My work is really quiet at the moment so I'm resigning so that I can look for another job - I'm on extended mat leave.
I got a message from a recruitment company today about a 10hr a day job! Which would be a huge adjustment but my son is so cruisy and loves being around other kids, he goes to the crèche at the gym 2 hours a day currently and screams when it's leaving time so I think he would be fine going into care fulltime straight off.
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