I don't mind DF going out occasionally and having a couple of drinks but if he came home to our child "****-faced" as you say, I would not be happy. Neither would I accept him drinking excessively in our home while our child is there, in bed or otherwise.
The fact that you say he gets upset if he has gone too long without a big night suggests that he has a drinking problem. Personally I would be removing my child from that situation until he gets help.
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13-12-2013 17:54 #51Senior Member
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14-12-2013 02:23 #52
Hmmm...thats a hard one. My DH is 32 and hates going out and would rather have a few beers at home . We kinda got all our partying and going out, out of system before we had DD (5months).
Maybe he just needs more time to get over it...as men do mature later than women
Maybe you can compromise and he should plan only once or twice a month to go out for the night.
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14-12-2013 03:13 #53
My DH goes out maybe 3-4 times a year for a bender - but these are generally bucks party/Xmas parties and I am ok with that. He does come home quite wasted but he sleeps in another bedroom and gets up early the next day to help with baby.
I wouldn't put up with 4 times a month, to be honest I would prob have left him by now! Part of being a dad is showing your child what is socially acceptable and they look up to you. Even once every 2 months would be fine - but If he is getting wasted every week and writing himself off for the day or two afterwards. Then that is not something I would want my child to think is normal.
Sorry if others don't agree, this is just my personal feelings for my relationship and child's upbringing.
14-12-2013 03:23 #54
Deleted because 4:30am is a bad time to post!
Last edited by rainbow road; 14-12-2013 at 03:32.
14-12-2013 08:50 #55
Thanks everyone :-) I don't think that he is an alcoholic, but I was frustrated at the amount of drinking and as some have mentioned, I really don't want my daughter thinking a binge pattern is a healthy relationship with alcohol. I voiced this to him and he did agree to cut down on the frequency of drinking, not do it in the home (other than a glass of wine together in the evening or whatever which I think is nice) and not to come home until sober when he does have a night out. He's a very devoted dad, he would definitely not want to risk losing the chance to see her every day so let's hope he sticks to it :-)
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14-12-2013 10:08 #56Senior Member
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- Oct 2011
"Not to come home until sober" ? So he still gets to have his recovery day, just somewhere else?
I wish you all the best, I hope he does want to change. Hugs
14-12-2013 11:20 #57
Good luck and i hope he does change as i grew up with an alcoholic father(he still is and my son witnesses it now which i absolutely hate as i dont drink in front of DS nor do i take him to social gatherings due to the amount of alcohol there)
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14-12-2013 16:23 #58
Dp isn't my children's bio father and has no kids of his own but he wouldn't even do this. Definitely not ok for a father to be doing that so often. Atm dp's friend is over and they are having a couple of drinks, he rocked up unexpectedly and dp said strait away "this is a family household now so no ridiculously late night" (friend is used to dp being the single bachelor type lol) I'm so greatful he is like that because my ex was bad when he would drink, always got out of control and I grew up with alcoholic parents.
15-12-2013 14:03 #59
I think it's unfair to expect your partner to pick up the parenting slack just so you can get blind drunk/recover from the previous night of drunkenness every weekend.
DP, who is not even DD's father mind you, has decided he's not drinking much at his work Christmas Party this Friday. Why? Because on Saturday, I have to work, and he's got to look after DD while I do that. "It would be unfair to expect her to look after herself just because I'm hung over and want to sleep," is actually what he said when I said, "Well, it doesn't matter too much... she can mostly look after herself, she just needs someone there if she needs them." She's 8.5, so it's not like she can't get her own breakfast.
It made smile that he's putting my daughter first.
Your partner might be good at playing with the kids, but it doesn't sound like they're his first priority... drinking seems to take that spot.
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