I think that binge drinking regularly as an adult (with family, responsibilities etc) is a drinking problem, and is likely to get worse over the years.
But answering to your question, I would find ok for DH to do this maybe once or twice/year on a very special occasion. I'm very biased though. I'm quite conservative about drinking just to get drunk, I don't drink much and don't get it why people NEED to do it
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11-12-2013 13:18 #11
11-12-2013 13:20 #12
I'm sorry hun but he is an alcoholic and needs help.. I hope he gets help And repairs the damage..he is modelling unacceptable addictive behaviour to your little ones all the best Xx
11-12-2013 13:21 #13
I'd be heading out for a spa day or facial perhaps the night after his bender, leaving him to look after your DD, especially as he's so happy for you to go out whenever you want.
Obviously only if he's in the right state to look after your dd.
Last edited by babyla; 11-12-2013 at 13:23.
11-12-2013 13:28 #14
No way is that acceptable OP. if you're grown up enough to have babies then you're grown up enough to behave responsibly. There's no way in heck I'd put up with that.
On the other hand I have a wine most evenings when prepping dinner, but I think that's absolutely fine. The occasional night out or night in with friends is fine too, but regular binge drinking is irresponsible for childless people let alone parents!
I would simply tell him it's not on OP.
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11-12-2013 13:30 #15
I think the real issue here is his addiction. He needs to wake up to the fact that he can't live without alcohol and it's got nothing to do with going out and having fun.
Maybe you can suggest he talks to his GP about it?
11-12-2013 13:30 #16
hi changethestars, This is very wrong. He is doing damage to himself, he is ignoring the fact that he has a child and a wife, and he is refusing to grow up and face the consequences of his actions. If he continues, he risks losing his job, his license, and his family, and his health. Unfortunately, he wont see any of this until he hits rock bottom, and admits he has a drinking problem. Just ask him if he thinks he can go one month without drinking, with out any alcohol at all. See what his reaction is, and then ask him does he think he might have a problem. ? Answering for myself, the very first time I saw him Sh*tfaced, I would have walked out the door. I hope you can come to the right decision for you and your family. Marie.
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11-12-2013 13:32 #17
I don't think this is acceptable. My DH use to be a big party goer, would often have 3 day benders with his mates. Was the life of the party, the wild, larrikin. This was before we met, he was still a big party goer after we met bit when we had kids it all changed.
He has a beer most nights after work at home. ( he is trying to cut down to having two beerless nights a week, although he isn't drinking to get drunk. Constant drinking is still so bad for you) so we made a deal. He has two beerless nights a week and I'll make his lunch everyday and he has to take me out once a month.
Is working well so far.
He never goes out drinking for the sake of having a night out. If it's a special occasion he will drink - I don't drink so I drive- but we are out together and he always comes home and he's never legless.
With that being said if he wanted to stay out then I wouldn't hAve an issue with it because he never does.
He needs to realise that he's a father and in a relationship and his life is different. Honestly he sounds like an alcoholic because he depends on it (you said he gets stressed if he can't go out) and that's where the problem lies. I would encourage him to seek help.
DH, Me and our two boys.
Lost our little squirt 20/11/13.
11-12-2013 13:33 #18
Having a big night every now and then is fine, we all need to let our hair down. If he gets irritated when he hasnt had one then thats another story. Is he someone who can go out to a bbq and enjoy himself but not get drunk? Or is he annoyed that hes not drinking?
I think you need to have a long think about whats ok or not for you, then have an honest conversation with him and start discussing boundaries. Its hard hun x
11-12-2013 13:41 #19
Sounds very immature to me. Serious if he can't make that small sacrifice to be a involved dad on the weekends he needs to grow up. I haven't binged on alcohol since my mid 20s. I am37 now.
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11-12-2013 13:45 #20
Thanks everyone for your input, it is really helping me :-)
No he would definitely not go to a BBQ and have none or one. He would have multiple. 5 or 6 beers is a "quiet night". Last night he had a mate over and swore and declared to me that it wasn't going to be a biggie, as I had already made clear last time that I did not want binge drinking in the house when DD is present. He crawled into bed wasted at 5 am.
I honestly think he doesn't see any problem with his behaviour and thinks it is normal. All his mates do it. "Getting in trouble with the girlfriend" is funny and normal to them. None of his mates have children.
We met when we were both in the "party party" stage of our lives and I fell pregnant accidentally two months later. So it was a huge adjustment, for sure. But if you decide to have a kid, you just suck it up IMO. Either you want to man up and be a father or you don't.
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