We have a 2 year old. My partner likes to drink. When I say drink, I don't mean a glass of wine with dinner, I mean go out with his mates and get sh**faced. He is 30 years old. Sometimes this also happens at our house (after our daughter has gone to bed but I still find it unacceptable). He likes to do this up to four times or more a month, and gets moody if he hasn't had a "big night" in over a week or two. I'm talking serious binge drinking sessions where he drinks until the sun comes up and then sleeps the whole next day.
When he is sober he is a very loving father and caring partner. But we have had these issues with his drinking our entire relationship - it will get better for a while and then go back to the same old stuff again. He thinks his behaviour is completely normal and acceptable.
I need some perspectives on this. Am I being unreasonable to feel at breaking point with this???
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11-12-2013 12:50 #1
How much and often is it okay for a father of a young child to drink alcohol?
11-12-2013 12:57 #2
I'm a bit partial to everyone being able to let their hair down and have the odd bender (if only to regret it) but 4 times or more a month is every weekend.
It also means that the recovery from that goes into the week. Realistically a decent bender takes more than a day to get over, this means he's likely out of action 2-3 days a week or over 10 days a month! It's excessive OP!
if he were single with no children then yeah whatever, but the dude is leaving you to pick up his slack.
11-12-2013 12:59 #3
We quite often have big nights but in a kid friendly way. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a big night every now and then but when it starts to affect your behaviour and attitude not having them regularly then that's when long hard looks in the mirror are called for IMO.
a big Bender every week is a bit much considering it takes a whole day to recover.
11-12-2013 13:01 #4
No you are not being unreasonable. It's excessive. Once or twice every 6 months, maybe.
I left my xh for precisely this reason, I'm not saying that's what you should do though.
How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot ?? I bet it would be a different story then.
11-12-2013 13:04 #5
No its not reasonable or acceptable. Frankly he needs to grow up. Even though he may be kind and loving while sober, what kind of role model is he going to be as the child gets older??
11-12-2013 13:08 #6
Perhaps once a month is ok but once a week no way. I bet he doesn't help out the next day with your DD?
11-12-2013 13:12 #7
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 11-12-2013 at 13:14.
11-12-2013 13:12 #8
I had the same problem with my ex. All he would want to do is go out and drink with his mates. Hed lie to me about where he was going too, like hed say 'im going to so and so's house for a couple hours' then id find out by one of his mates partners that they went clubbing and to pubs all night. It wasnt just on the weekends either. He would buy a slab of rum and invite people over to MY mums house and drink to all hours of the night! That was just when i was pregnant. It got a lot worse when i had my ds. Hed make up excuses and id find out he was out and about getting drunk. Of course when i talked to him about it he would get snappy and defend himself saying he 'never gets to see his mates and im controlling him'. Complete A-hole. Hes missed so much of his sons life because of wanting to have his own. Was never a good father. So it could be worse for you. Maybe tell him that he doesnt need to drink all the time? Or instead of so frequently he can have one or two nights a week of light drinking and once a month he can just go out and get wasted? I know its fun and all but there are health risks to binge drinking as well. My partners sister is only 26 and has the liver of a chronic alcoholic apparently. Hopefully for you he stops his shenanigans. It does get frustrating at times :/
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11-12-2013 13:14 #9
No he doesn't help out the next day with DD as he is hungover the whole day. And yes @TeaAndToast that is one of my big concerns also - I don't believe it is a healthy example to be setting for my daughter.
He always come back by saying that he would be happy to let me go out whenever I want, but the difference is I don't WANT to. I want to be a family and spend time with my child. I feel like having a child changed my priorities and how I want to spend my time, but he still wants to keep acting like a single party boy.
11-12-2013 13:16 #10
If he plays, he pays.
Not acceptable that he sleeps the whole next day and you have to pick up his slack.
He needs to take into account you are parenting together. That means he needs to take you into account in his time off.
DH will occasionally ask for a "pass out", which means he gets to recover. It isn't every week.
Sounds like your DH just expects you to look after your kids and he gets to pick and choose when he parents.
It isn't fair.
I don't think you are over reacting.
He needs to grow up and accept he has responsibilities.
DH and used to love binge drinking when we had no kids. But times change. You grow up and then plan who looks after the kids if you want a bender
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