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  1. #1
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    Default Fears for when DD hits puberty...

    I looked in the older children's forum but only two threads I there so...
    DD is only 5 but I can see already that she is very similar to me and we already butt heads. Very similar to me and my mum. I was an absolute nightmare as a teenager ( but in my defense mum was a crazy alcoholic). Obviously DD will have the guidance and support I didn't but I look at her now I feel like the lovely bond we have now could so easily be broken in 10 years if I don't manage it correctly. Any advice from mums who have been through it? Or from those who are close to their own mums? I've had literally no experience with this having had such a bad role model.
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    Last edited by CleverClogs; 09-12-2013 at 22:58.

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    Listen and not just with your ears. Her body language will tell you heaps.
    Keep talking even when you think she is shut down.
    Be involved in her life.
    Know her friends. If you can get to know their mums too.
    Make her feel like she has some say in her life and that what she likes/thinks is important.
    Be open to any questions she has. Never make her feel silly or like it's tmi. Don't be afraid to say you don't know but you will find out and get back to her.
    Always be the mum first and than the friend. Mums will tell what you need to hear where friends will often tell you what they think you want to hear.


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  3. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to LoveLivesHere For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (11-12-2013),babyla  (11-12-2013),CleverClogs  (10-12-2013),cluckcluck  (12-12-2013),CMF  (10-12-2013),mrsreed  (13-12-2013),OurLittleBlessing  (11-12-2013),VicPark  (10-12-2013),wktz  (10-12-2013)

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    Oh OP I have the same fears! My mother wasn't too bad but we butted heads a lot and to this day I feel uncomfortable expressing any feelings towards her. I understand now there's other underlying issues. Some points that I wish to uphold with my children are:
    show affection often and with joy.
    have an open line of communication, talk about lots of stuff and feelings too.
    never discipline in anger, punishments should be given out of love to teach.

    In preparation for the teen years I am writing a diary for her, originally I thought I'd be something for her when she has kids but I think I would it to her if she started drifting away emotionally, in it I write about how much I love her and what challenges we go through as parents, I write about fears and proud moments I hope it would give her insight and hopefully make her feel loved and understand us somewhat.

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    That's a really good idea. I'm so scared that our relationship could be damaged if not handled correctly . My only saving grace is DH is a youth worker and used to working with difficult teens. He'll have to give me some pointers I think. I have a terrible relationship with my mum now. Although that's largely due to the drinking.

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    I'm dreading when my 4 girls hit puberty eeekkk. I handled it pretty well, no PMT but was a bad endo sufferer so I'm hoping the girls never experience the pain I did.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    Listen and not just with your ears. Her body language will tell you heaps.
    Keep talking even when you think she is shut down.
    Be involved in her life.
    Know her friends. If you can get to know their mums too.
    Make her feel like she has some say in her life and that what she likes/thinks is important.
    Be open to any questions she has. Never make her feel silly or like it's tmi. Don't be afraid to say you don't know but you will find out and get back to her.
    Always be the mum first and than the friend. Mums will tell what you need to hear where friends will often tell you what they think you want to hear.


    Sent from my SM-N9005 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    My DSD is 12 and my eldest DD is 11. This is greats advice Anewme, thank you

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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    Listen and not just with your ears. Her body language will tell you heaps.
    Keep talking even when you think she is shut down.
    Be involved in her life.
    Know her friends. If you can get to know their mums too.
    Make her feel like she has some say in her life and that what she likes/thinks is important.
    Be open to any questions she has. Never make her feel silly or like it's tmi. Don't be afraid to say you don't know but you will find out and get back to her.
    Always be the mum first and than the friend. Mums will tell what you need to hear where friends will often tell you what they think you want to hear.


    Sent from my SM-N9005 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Im printing this out. Thanks

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  10. The Following User Says Thank You to ourbradybunch For This Useful Post:

    CleverClogs  (11-12-2013)

  11. #9
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi cleverclogs, I think the relationship you have will of necessity go through changes. You will always be mum, but your daughter is going to go through all the physical, emotional, rollercoster that is puberty. I would just try to hang on. Keep the lines of communication open at all cost. Be as involved with her life as you can be. Met her friends, listen to her conversations even if they are nonsense. These days with all the devices for communication, encourage her to share with you, not lock herself away in the bedroom with the whole world getting into her head. The internet is probably the biggest threat to family life, and we just allow it too much freedom. Above all, don't just expect history to repeat itself. You are not your mother, and your daughter is not You. hugs, Marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    Attachment 47665
    This quote from pink.
    I love this! Thank you. a Thanks Pink!

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