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20-11-2013 10:06 #11Senior Member
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- Oct 2013
20-11-2013 10:09 #12
Does the family member opposing the children being there have kids?
Being a family funeral I think all children should be there. Crying or not it's a part of life.
20-11-2013 10:18 #13
We took our kids to mil's funeral, as did my bil. They kids are 6, 3, 20 months and 15 months. It surprised everyone including us that the whole lot of them did not make a sound during the funeral- they sat in their seats and didn't move. It's almost like they knew. Our 6 year old is normally a very full on kid- not naughty but very active and asks a lot of questions. She sat there the whole time holding dh's hand and patting his back when he cried. We explained to the older ones prior to the funeral that its a time where people might be very sad, and that its not a time to play.
As long as you have a plan in place if they do start getting a bit restless (which from your post it sounds like you do), I would take them. You said your grandmother was close to them and she would have wanted them there. They are her family too and have just as much right to be there as anyone else.
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20-11-2013 10:23 #14
20-11-2013 10:25 #15
Unless the person is your grandma's partner, I would take them. Take a bag of quiet activities. You can always sneak out if you needed too.
20-11-2013 10:26 #16
I would take them
20-11-2013 10:32 #17
I would take them too. Im so sorry for your families loss xo
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20-11-2013 10:35 #18
Hi Beefie as mentioned in your other thread. Don't listen to others I didn't! I took my 2 year old dd to my grandfathers funeral and it was the best thing I ever did. My grandfather was so close to my little girl so I figured she had every right to be there. I didn't care what others thought except for my grandmother and she was all for it. My DH took dd for a walk at some sad parts like the viewing but that's it. My normally cheeky dd was so well behaved. They might surprise you
I had no babysitters anyway either so it was a hard one. Dd even came in the limos and I explained everything to her like an adult. She always looks into the sky and says hi to our grandfather.
Eta - When saying I didn't care what others thought I should clarify the ppl that thought it wasn't a good idea were not close to him. They hadn't visited my grandfather in years. My DD DH and I were very very close to him so I did not feel the need to listen to relatives who never gave my grandfather the time of day when he was alive.
20-11-2013 10:42 #19
I attended a family funeral and both my SIL chose to bring along their children. The three boys spent the whole time calling out and giggling and trying to climb over the seats. Their mothers didn't remove them, despite the disruption they were causing and it took our Aunty to storm up the isle in the middle of the funeral and take the kids outside. I personally don't think a funeral is any place for child (unless it is immediate family) and even then, funerals are sad and full of people mourning, young children don't understand and I don't think they need to see it. However, if you are willing to remove the children when they start mucking up then I guess it's not so bad, but that then takes you away from the funeral anyway...?
20-11-2013 10:49 #20
It seems so strange to me that people wouldn't want children at a funeral. As far as I'm concerned, a child has just as much right to be there as anyone else. Death is a part of life. I think children should be present at funerals, and sure kids play up... I really don't see why that's a problem.
If the deceased person or their immediate family didn't want children there then I guess I'd respect that and not take kids. I'd still be a bit miffed though.
Two occasions I remember being really upset as a kid were when my mum didn't take me with her to get my guinea pig put down, and when she didn't take me to her ex-MIL's funeral. With the latter I was about 5, and she was like a grandmother to me. My mum didn't take me because it was going to be really hard for her as it was, but I still felt cheated that I didn't get to be a part of saying goodbye. I know that's a little different to babies/toddlers, but it probably informs my views of kids & funerals to some extent.
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