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  1. #121
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    I was including working parents when I said it! Working parents are no less valid than SAHMs at all- I've been a working parent - it is exhausting! Please don't take it the wrong way, I didn't mean to imply that working parents were less than SAHMS - I want to be a working parent myself - some people are made to be SAHMS and they love it - I am not one of those people

    I think the opposite because all those things people devote their lives to and don't get any financial recognition. You know what I mean? I am not sure I could be a carer, as much as I think I would - I just don't know if I could hack it at the end of the day. So my hat goes of to people who are.

    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Hmmm... Why the opposite?

    And we all parent. Even those of us who are in paid employment as well. Don't we?

    I know you didn't intend it but I think your post is a bit hurtful for those who work tbh.

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  3. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    I think that was her point.

    The unpaid element of a working parent's role - ie the parenting - isn't less important than the paid element of their role - ie their job.

    Employment doesn't mean importance.
    Yes this, you said it better than me Nancy! WHat I mean is that the parenting part isn't less valid that the working part.

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  5. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    After reading many threads on BH I came to the conclusion that parenting duties not being shared 50/50 is a choice from the couple, conscious or not.
    Where are these threads?! I couldn't disagree more with this statement. This comment has clearly touched something in me because it's made me a little ragey, and that's not your fault, but I have read thread upon thread of hubbers despairing and exhausted who have begged repeatedly for some, more, *any* help from their partners. Way to make us feel worse about our sh!tty situations.

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  7. #124
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    Sorry @beebs. Read before my coffee and misinterpreted!

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  9. #125
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    IMO re the 'hardest job in the world' there are too many variables. I have it incredibly easy compared to someone with 3, 4, 5 plus kids. I only have one 7 year old who is in school all day. I am not employed fulltime at the moment and it was 10000000000000000 times harder for me when I had the stress of getting up early for work, finishing late, coming home to cook, clean up, homework, and so on. The work element was definitely the hard part for me. I could see how being AT work could be somewhat of a break for someone with a heap of kids though, depending on what the work is.

    My mum refers to me as a lady of leisure now lol. Being a parent for me now is a breeze. It does get easier

    I know for a fact my DP has the stressful role now with work. He works long hours. Really long hours. And he has the added stress of being the sole financial provider. He has never treated me like a servant thankfully, even now that I have very little to do. I go out at least twice a week in the arvos and he uses that time to play cards and handball with DS, cooks his dinner, gets him off to bed. I might give him a big hug when he gets home actually.

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  11. #126
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    For me I think your a good mother because you care and you give a damn and your a good father for the same reasons

    Just like your a good husband or wife if you choose to be and give a damn.

    I think being a mother is the hardest job/ role in the world because we WOMEN up and take on the role/ job of being the mother. We step up to the plate.

    As husband and wife we both decide to have children but from what I've seen and heard a lot of men don't fully understand what that entails and when it comes time to step up and be a good partner or father they don't or only half heartedly.

    My husband did man up. As my partner and a father. It was his job too. Some men bring it on themselves to be seen as the lessor parent


    Asha 26, William 13 months

  12. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    After reading many threads on BH I came to the conclusion that parenting duties not being shared 50/50 is a choice from the couple, conscious or not.
    That's not always a bad thing.

    I work 2 days, I only just returned after maternity leave. My husband works 6 days and been doing 12/13 hour days. I hardly think it's fair. People will disagree, but if it works for us, who cares. The other week, my husband worked from 5am-11:30pm. I wasn't about to tell him to vacuum when he gets home. He also took the kids out last Sunday morning for a play and I did groceries in peace.

    I think if a couple are happy with their arrangement, then what's the big deal. Isn't feminism about choice?

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  14. #128
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    @BigRedV you are spot on, it's def not always a bad thing and far from it, especially if it's a conscious choice.

    To me feminism is also for male
    and female to see their roles as equals in regards to parenting. If one is stepping up (or down) for a few months/years to care for the kids full time then in my perfect world the situation would need to be reverse later on.
    Just so that kids see that mum and dad get to do the less "glamorous" jobs - not just mum - and that mum can bring in the big money too and support her family. That's my perfect model anyway

    For my family it means that we are both working full time to support each other and our family. I don't want to depend on my husband if I can earn my own money and the opposite is true.
    But we also believe in the childcare model so that plays a big part in our decisions.

    @mrsharvey sorry my post wasn't meant to upset anyone :-(
    Last edited by ExcuseMyFrench; 20-11-2013 at 23:01.

  15. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post

    @mrsharvey sorry my post wasn't meant to upset anyone :-(
    It's ok, I know you're lovely :-) I don't know why it touched such a nerve in me - something to reflect on, I guess. I think I get a bit more where you were coming from. Sorry to be so snarky...


 

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