I never, ever imagined that I'd be in this position... I was always against abortion...
To just be factual...
My other half lives in the USA... after returning to Australia, found out I was 6 weeks pregnant... we were using contraceptives..
He does not want to be a father, and is not ready to be.
He is much younger than me.
I told him I was late, and the fear and certainty was enough to hear... we couldnt stay together, his family would kick him out and hate me..
I ended up telling him after a few days it was a false alarm.. and the relief in his voice.....
I can carry this burden alone, I do not want to ruin his life or his families..
Now about me, I have no family or friends in Australia.. I'm very much alone, and rent a room from a female acquaintance.
I'm unable to provide a real home for a baby, or properly support it.. my other half does not have a job, and his family couldnt afford to help raise it..
The baby would be born into a very unfair situation and life.. I mean, I can not even afford to eat decently.
This is why I feel that termination should go ahead..
But at the same time I'm torn.. how can I kill an innocent baby... at 10 weeks will it feel any pain? Am I doing something completely evil?
And what if this is our last chance to have a child together? I am almost 30... fertility levels decline severely once I hit the 3-0, do they not?
I dont want to have a baby in these circumstances but I dont know what to do...
Any advice, not nasty criticism would be appreciated.. please..
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17-11-2013 14:00 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
Appointment for surgical termination in two days.. I really need to talk to someone:(
17-11-2013 14:07 #2
I can't tell you what to do. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
It sounds like you are giving a lot of consideration to what the father wants. But what do you want? Has he given much consideration to what you might want?
I've never had a termination but seriously considered it with my unplanned pregnancy. The father put a lot of pressure on me to terminate, but I just couldn't do it. It has basically destroyed our marriage. I know how it feels to be so scared of the future, especially when money is a factor. But, it sounds like you need a couple more days to think things through. A lot of these other details tend to work themselves out. You have time. And you are strong. You can do it alone.
No judgement from here, just take care of yourself and your heart.
17-11-2013 14:10 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
Huge to you xx
If you feel like termination is not the answer would you consider adoption?
17-11-2013 14:12 #4
I am pro choice. I do not judge you or anyone for terminating.
The tone of your post seems like you aren't sure this is what you want. I'm not sure of your residency status but there is financial assistance available here for families and also single parents. There are many avenues you can take to get help IF you want to continue the pregnancy. Under medicare and the public system you can have a baby for free.
If you choose to terminate you must be comfortable with the decision. In most places *I think* you can get a termination up til 12 weeks gestation so you have a small window to decide for sure if that is what you want.
How old is your partner? Is he living with his parents while studying or..? I think most families might be shocked but would come around. I do think you would benefit from telling him the truth though as whatever you decide, you will need his support.
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17-11-2013 14:13 #5
Firstly I'm sorry you have to go through this. Hugs, especially alone.
I think you should do what feels right for you, if you have serious doubts you may regret it, and this you would then have to live with as well.
You have strong arguments both for and against but only you can trust in yourself to make the right decision for you,
Do you have a family somewhere whom you could talk to or who could help you?
I'm sorry I'm not much help, xx
17-11-2013 14:46 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
im sorry to read this and I feel for you.. I wish I could take you under my wing and give you support and help you through your pregnancy, im sure whatever you decide will be the best decision for you... please PM me if you want to chat xxx
17-11-2013 14:47 #7-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Different people react to terminations in different ways. My friend had a termination years ago, under secretive circumstances, and it haunts her to this day.
If you have a termination when you are unsure, for someone else moreso than yourself, when you are keeping secrets... The chances of you have regrets down the track if you abort are real.
See your Doctor and get some counsellIng ASAP. A counsellor can help you talk through your concerns and come to a decision you will be more comfortable with.
If you can't rely on your boyfriend for support that is not cool and I would be re-evaluating the relationship. You deserve a partner who is mature, supportive and who can be your partner in life (financially and emotionally).
Best of luck..
17-11-2013 14:58 #8
I am so sorry that you are going through this! Especially alone
I haven't experienced one, but I'm a midwife and I have supported women who made the decision
I would consider talking to a councillor before you terminate, just to help your own mental ability to come to terms with it. It's certainly not an easy decision, but if its what's best for you, I think acceptance rather than guilt is better for you :-)
I just wanted to add, research shows that fertility doesn't dramatically decrease till closer to 40, (and even then, dramatically is probably not the correct word)
Even then it only slightly declines between 35-40
You haven't specified whether your American or Australian yourself -but if you aren't eligible for Medicare, then a public birth will cost up to $10K, which is something to think about if you are already on low finances (obviously not a reason to terminate, but it is worth mentioning!)
What ever you choose, take care of yourself! <3
17-11-2013 15:01 #9
It must be so hard making this decision without the held and support of friends and family and your partner.
Firstly - I would tell your partner. While its not his decision, he is your partner and should be there to help and support you. Even if its just emotional support.
Secondly - you need to be comfortable with your decision. If you arent yet, take another week or so before you go ahead just to get your head around things.
Lastly - you need to decide for yourself if this is the right thing for you. If you do want to keep the baby, there are support services (assuming you are an Australian citizen/resident). Single Parent pensions, living allowance etc. Its not a huge amount, but you will be able to get by.
If money is the basic factor, go and see Family Services (at the medicare office) and they will tell you what you will be entitled to - so that you can make the decisions based on the full facts.
17-11-2013 16:35 #10
Oh I really feel for you
Couldn't not reply to this post, but I think you have received some excellent advice so far. I had a termination when I was in my early twenties, pressure from my partner at the time. Looking back I'm fairly at peace with the decision but I do of course think of what may have been from time to time as well. It's not easy - if you can squeeze in some counselling that would be ideal - just so you feel like you had time to guarantee how sure you are one way or the other.
All the best xxx
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