She needs to be punished like you would for a younger child. Make a list with her of things she can can't do , can do and when it's acceptable to do it. If she does X, Y or z the her phone is taken off her for the day. No TV, no whatever. In turn if she does what you're asking reward her. She needs to change the habit. I do agree though. She shouldn't be touching your DD. What will happen if she's really angry one day?
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17-11-2013 10:02 #11
17-11-2013 10:03 #12
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17-11-2013 10:11 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Does she know her "place" in your household dynamic? Is she treated as more of an adult housemate, or a teenager with boundaries, rules and dicipline? Is she trusted in some form of care for your children (bath and bed routine, snacks, etc?) Might she be confused with whats expected of her? Is physical dicipline something thats normal for her, so she thinks it is how it is?
(This one is going to come across rude, I dont mean it to): Do you play favourites to a degree? If your kids play up, etc, and she's told you at some point, have you brushed it off? If you're in a role as her care giver, would this be something you have done(or do) without realising it?
Eta: Are you diciplining your kids for something you may have diciplined her for, but seemer to be harsher on her for it which is why she's stepping in when you dicipline??
Otherwise, it could be down to a type of sibling rivalry/personality clash between them.
Back in my day, ABC played Alice Cooper on the kids cartoons and our cartoons could talk. Being a kid sucks now.
Last edited by Jennaisme; 17-11-2013 at 10:14.
17-11-2013 10:16 #14-
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
I think you should sit miss16 down and find out what triggers her anger with her sibling. At 16 teens do like their privacy and little sisters can be real annoying (trust me, I have three girls! Lol). This way you can try to avoid the situation....such as little sister isn't allowed in big sisters room when her door is closed.
I know that my teens will discipline miss 2 when I am busy and I'm ok with that. They don't yell and go crazy, but they will be stern and sensible.
Talk to her, allow her some control (having her privacy) but getting angry dosen't get her anywhere but in trouble herself...mine get sent to their room until they are ready to apologize when they lose it.
17-11-2013 11:05 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
- Brisbane North
17-11-2013 11:12 #16
Trying to remember everyone's advice- forgive me if I forget something...
No we never allow her to babysit dd1 because of these issues and the only time she watches the younger 2 is if I quickly duck to the shop or something (I take dd1 with me). We never have any issues with her and the younger ones- it's only dd1. Early on when she first started living with us, we did let her watch dd1 (again it was only if we were quickly ducking out- if we were going out somewhere we would get my grandad to babysit), and on a few occasions we would come home to dd1 howling because sil had punched/pushed/hit her. When asked why, sil would say "she was doing such and such"... So we would explain that ok, dd1 shouldn't be doing that BUT you are 15 (at the time) and she is 5, you have no right to hurt her. And then we would deal with dd1 and her behaviour.
She is in counselling etc. We treat her the same as we treat our own children- we have always made it clear to her while she is living under our roof she is seen, to us, as one of our children and such has to follow the rules etc.
My and I have the same age gap as what's between sil and dd1 and I remember how it was when I was 16 and my sister was 6... Hence why I am quick to pull dd1 up if she is annoying sil (and believe me, it might be something as simple as dd1 asking sil a simple question). Her room is off limits at any time unless she says its ok for the others to be in there (this applies to all bedrooms).
Just this morning after I posted this, I had to take sil to work and fuel up. When I came out I could hear sil going off at dd1 in the car, telling her to "p!ss off". As soon as she saw me, she stopped and sat quietly. Dd1 had been dancing in her seat and singing. Yet again I pulled her up and said "stop trying to be the parent", and she yelled at me she wasn't. I also told dd1 to stop, not that she was really doing anything wrong.
Eta- my DH thinks I am a lot softer on sil than I am with our own kids.
Me + He =
DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014
Last edited by SheWarrior; 17-11-2013 at 11:17.
17-11-2013 11:16 #17
Are you giving her responsibility? Like getting her to babysit regularly or take part in routines for your dd.
Because that can confuse her, she would find it hard to distinguish when it's okay to be the 'parent' and when it's not.
If you are relying on her for the care of your dd, that needs to stop.
If the above doesn't apply, you need to tell her that she can come to you if your dd is doing something so you can take appropriate action. Make it clear that you do not expect her to take on any parental roles.
17-11-2013 11:21 #18
17-11-2013 11:27 #19Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
to me, it sounds as if SIL is not being punished for hitting your DD?? This to me seems a big issue. If she hits your DD (for what ever reason) she needs to be punished...otherwise there is zero reason for her to stop. There needs to be consequences.
17-11-2013 11:27 #20
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