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  1. #1
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    Default How to stop 16 year old...

    Stepping in and being the "parent"?

    Sil has lived with us on and off since she was 12, and has been living with us this time for 2 years. She is a pretty good kid given her history and the stuff she has been through. My only real issue with her is she constantly steps in and takes over disciplining my 6 year old (occasionally physical but usually just yelling/telling her off).

    I have spoken to her several times about it and made it clear that its not her place to do this. But she continues to do so. Even if I am already handling it, she steps in. When I have spoken to her about it she says dd1 makes her angry (even if the misbehaviour isn't directed or involving sil). It's frustrating as hell because it winds dd1 up more which makes sil angrier which makes it harder for me.

    I'm not sure how else to stop her stepping in and trying to be the parent? Talking to her just goes in one ear and out the other.


    Me + He =
    DD1, DD2, DD3 & bun in the oven due May 2014

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    It's difficult, I have a son who is the same. He's not physical & doesn't yell but he is very stern with the other 3 kids.

    He's fussy about his sister (18) being dressed appropriately when his mates come over, fussy about what his sister (8) is exposed to by other kids ie swearing etc and his poor brother (11) is always being bossed.

    I have no answers we just keep reminding him we are the parents, not him:/

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    When I do pull her up on it, I get "she makes me so angry though" through clenched teeth. I've told her to just walk away if that's the case because her stepping in doesnt help anyone.


    Me + He =
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    I'm not in a situation like this, but I would sit her down and get very very firm with her that it will not be tolerated.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by IndigoJ View Post
    I'm not in a situation like this, but I would sit her down and get very very firm with her that it will not be tolerated.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    That's the frustrating thing- I've lost count how many times I've done this! She just doesn't pay any attention.


    Me + He =
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    That sounds very frustrating- she is showing you zero respect by ignoring your instructions. If a 16 yo (or anyone for that matter) layed a hand on either of my children I would lose it. That is not on. Is she perhaps copying you? I don't use physical punishment personally, but even if you smack your DD your SIL certainly has no right to.

    "Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way".

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    I would tell her it's ''my way or the highway'' and mean it.

  8. #8
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    I have been through/going though this with both my oldest dd and now on the odd occasion dd2 or ds1.

    What I do is keep reminding them to stop butting. I am parent not them. I choose the punishment/reward. If they continue they get a punishment. As their behave is also unacceptable.


    Quote Originally Posted by lil miss View Post
    When I do pull her up on it, I get "she makes me so angry though" through clenched teeth. I've told her to just walk away if that's the case because her stepping in doesnt help anyone.


    Me + He =
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    This is when you remind her it is not "about her and her anger" it is about the other child learning what is right and wrong.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 17-11-2013 at 11:05.

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    She needs to be directed to bring these issues to you or your DH rather than trying to implement discipline herself. Although she is the aunt, she is still a child under your care- perhaps you can remind her of this? She should not be smacking or physically disciplining in any way- that is NOT on. Do you rely on her for babysitting though? Because in that case, the lines become blurred.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    This is when you remind her it is not "about her and her anger" it is about the other child learning what is right and wrong.
    Adding to this remind her when she steps in it makes your punishment invalid. Your child is learning you are not the top of the food chain in your house.


 

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