12 week old - terrible day sleeper! Advice please....

[Kellbell85]

Hi ladies, just after a little advice. My 12 week old sleeps awesome of a night. We bath at 6, then feed about 6.15, cuddles then bed. Sometimes he goes down half awake, and I pat for a few minutes or just leave him and he falls asleep. Other times he has already fallen asleep. He will then sleep til around 4am where he feeds then generally same - put him in bassinet either half asleep or sometimes he's completely asleep and he will sleep til around 6.30-7am.

My dilemma is day time sleeps. Now I KNOW I'm lucky that he sleeps so well of a night, but he is so bad through the day he is pretty much crying all day and I'm rocking/patting/bouncing on fit ball with him/rocking in chair/walking outside with him/pram....the whole day is spent trying to soothe him or put him to sleep and the only time he seems happy and smiling etc is the first hour in the morning - so I make sure we do tummy time, play then cos that will be his happy time over for the day. I feel so upset. My friend is a strong believer in 'save our sleep' and so I gave that a go (only for a day), but it is just not for me! He cries so hard he goes red, swollen eyes, tears, holds breath...

He will at times go to sleep in my arms, but the minute I put him down he will wake crying - or he will sleep for maybe 20-30mins and then wake crying.

We have found that he will go to sleep with the vacuum cleaner going, but is that not just getting him used to having to have that going for him to sleep?

Why can he sleep so well of a night but will not go to sleep/stay asleep through day naps?

I just am doubting everything I'm doing...do I just let him sleep in my arms or with vacuum cleaner going or am I creating 'bad habits' and I just need to be stronger and sit and pat him while he cries?

[Ellies Mum]

I always ask myself that question too... 'is this method going to be a thorn in my side in 6 months time?' but at the end of the day, for the first 12 months, I did whatever worked! anything to give both me and bub some peace. DD was a catnapper up until about 12 months when we did some sleep training and she now sleeps really well through the day.

Having said that, it sounds like you are doing everything possible to make sure your bub is happy, but maybe a checkup is in order to make sure nothing else is going on to cause him unhappiness through the day.

Hope this helps

[maco]

If he likes the vacuum cleaner noise either down load a white noise app on your phone or have the raduo on static in his room my ds had this for months and now at 7 months sleeps fine with out it. I only managed to get him to sleep in his cot at 4.5months the whole time he would nap on me all day every day. So can't help you much there just know it does get better

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[kw123]

I don't have the answers but I also had a good night sleeper and a horrible day sleeper and know how stressful it is. Mine started sleeping better when he moved to one sleep at around one.

[A-Squared]

Hi ladies, just after a little advice. My 12 week old sleeps awesome of a night. We bath at 6, then feed about 6.15, cuddles then bed. Sometimes he goes down half awake, and I pat for a few minutes or just leave him and he falls asleep. Other times he has already fallen asleep. He will then sleep til around 4am where he feeds then generally same - put him in bassinet either half asleep or sometimes he's completely asleep and he will sleep til around 6.30-7am.

My dilemma is day time sleeps. Now I KNOW I'm lucky that he sleeps so well of a night, but he is so bad through the day he is pretty much crying all day and I'm rocking/patting/bouncing on fit ball with him/rocking in chair/walking outside with him/pram....the whole day is spent trying to soothe him or put him to sleep and the only time he seems happy and smiling etc is the first hour in the morning - so I make sure we do tummy time, play then cos that will be his happy time over for the day. I feel so upset. My friend is a strong believer in 'save our sleep' and so I gave that a go (only for a day), but it is just not for me! He cries so hard he goes red, swollen eyes, tears, holds breath...

He will at times go to sleep in my arms, but the minute I put him down he will wake crying - or he will sleep for maybe 20-30mins and then wake crying.

We have found that he will go to sleep with the vacuum cleaner going, but is that not just getting him used to having to have that going for him to sleep?

Why can he sleep so well of a night but will not go to sleep/stay asleep through day naps?

I just am doubting everything I'm doing...do I just let him sleep in my arms or with vacuum cleaner going or am I creating 'bad habits' and I just need to be stronger and sit and pat him while he cries?

Please don't doubt yourself, you're doing a good job! I would personally sit and pat him while he cries, 12 weeks is the perfect time to do this. It's what I did with my DD and it worked. He can see that you're there with him, so whether he's in his basinette being patted or cuddled in your arms, he stil knows you are there and won't feel abandoned.

I would couple that with keeping a log of when you start to put him down and when he actually goes to sleep. You will likely see a pattern emerging and it will help you know just how long he can really be away before going to sleep.

I find half the battle is either putting them down too early or too late.

Sounds like you have a great pre-sleep routine. Do you have one for nap times? I'd try and keep it the same so he knows sleep comes next.

But given he self settles at night and at 4am, means he can do it, so it's likely that your timing is just out.

I also didn't follow a feed, play, sleep routine. Well I did to start with, but this soon changed to feed, play, feed, sleep. As soon as I started that my DD started self settling during the day too as she wasn't hungry. It took a day of doing that and I went to sit with her to pat her tummy but I sat down and she didn't cry and slowly dozed off and voila! She was asleep and continued to self settle.

Turns out she was just hungry and not ready to sleep!

I would also put a radio on quietly in his room set to a 'blank' station to create some white nose and just have that on quietly. You can always wean off the white noise, I did this also and it seemed to work.

Good luck and don't worry, sitting and shushing and patting won't make him feel abandoned, it's the same as him being in your arms (albeit slightly not as warm, but that's nothing a good swaddle and sleeping bag can't provide.

[Kellbell85]

I have tried the white noise app 'relax melodies' and if I put him down asleep with the app going he will sleep about 20mins then wake up crying. I guess for now i will just leave the vacuum cleaner Going in his room so he at least gets some Sleep? It's just so upsetting that he cries all day and I can tell its because he is tired as his eyes are so glazed and sleepy. I just feel so sorry for him that he can't be happy because I don't know how to get him to sleep.

I don't know whether just do what I have to to get him to have sleeps (on me, on the boob, vacuum going), or if I find a sleep technique and persevere? or is he too young?

It makes it hard too as my friends baby doesn't cry, sleeps as soon as she's put down and is a dream baby. Her mum did save our sleep, so she says stuff for me to doubt myself - that im creating bad habits, that I just have to be strong and let him cry etc that of course it's hard but it needs to be done etc...and I see how good her baby is and think 'maybe I should just let him cry'. But I just don't feel right doing it...and when I say he's too young to let cry like that she says 'it will be easier now while he's younger' and so I just don't know what is 'right' anymore! I don't doubt the save our sleep works, but surely there is a way without feeling like you are abandoning your baby while he cries? (And no offence to those that do SOS, it just doesn't feel right to me)

It's good to know I'm not alone with it, just FEEL alone...

[Kellbell85]

Thanks Allie Pallie... You are so right in saying it could be the timing. I'm really not good at seeing if he is tired Enough to go to sleep. But I'm worried if I leave him too long he will be OVER tired! I just don't think i get the timing right...

I was thinking I should do the same for naps as night time...but the night routine is bath, feed, cuddle. How Do I do that for naps? I can't bath him 3 times a day, that's a bit excessive?

I think I need to get timing right, white noise and patting... Easy to say tho -
All confidence goes out the window once he is crying and crying my problem is too I just don't persevere with the one plan so no wonder the poor little man doesn't know what to do. Cos his mummy doesn't even know what to bloody do!

[2giraffes]

Hey there,

I know how you feel. DD1 was a terrible sleeper (unfortunately still is) but my second is an absolute dream, well so far anyway.

Please dont let your friend pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with. And as hard as it is, try not to compare your bubs to hers. All babies are different, she may follow this same routine with her next and have a terrible sleeper.

[Beefie]

how long are you keeping him up before you put him to sleep?
A 12 week old may only be up for 1-1.5hrs at a time before they need sleep again.
How is he feeding? weight? plenty wet/dirty nappies?
Do you watch his tired signs? crying indiates they are overtired - which you already know. I would attempt to be putting him down before he reaches that stage.
A feed, a little play on his tummy or you lap then do whatever you need to to soothe him off to sleep, wrap him snug, rock, feed ect. try to resettle if he wakes shortly, if not get him up and watch closley for tired sign then attempt to put him to sleep again.
I would try to get into a rough day routine that can be predictable for him, aim for 3 or 4 sleeps.
You night routine sounds fantastic, you are doing all the right things by listening to you baby and not letting him cry hysterically. stop doubting yourself and comparing you baby to your friends, you will just upset yourself more. Your baby is an individual.

you are very lucky you have a good night sleeper. but i know how exhausting it is during the day with an overtired baby screaming at you all day!
I would try and be consistant with his sleep cues and do the same things all the time when its bed time - like you do for night.
I would not advice CC or CIO he is way too young and atm is learning to gain your trust and that you will come whenever he needs you. You could do some serious emotional damage at this point by letting him CIO - they end up shutting down. How else can 12 week olds tell you they need you? - babies CRY! its what thye are supposed to do!
Once they have gained this security from about 6mths old - you can attempt some sleep training methods that will suit you and your baby, if the day sleeps are still an issue.

Be confident, stick to a plan and ride it out. if it all gets too much, take a walk in the parm and remember tomorrow is a brand new day.
Remember to enjoy him, this time goes so fast x

goodluck.

also, my ds is sleeping really well during the day since he moved to the one day sleep just recently. i still put him down for a morning nap but he just plays in his cot the whole time and doesnt sleep anymore. he is 10mths old.

[Mkim]

Hi Kellbell,
This is so tough. My DD was exactly the same - she would sleep for 38 minutes exactly. No matter how long I tried to resettle her - so exhausting and she was for the most part a good sleeper at night. She had reflux which I think contributed to this.

I downloaded a white noise app and she would listen to a vacuum and used to have her lunch sleep in a swing and she seemed to get a longer sleep now and then.

I used the routines in the Save our Sleep as a guide when to put her down as I also found it hard to read her tired signs as well. In regards to the crying aspect to this book, I found personally DD was too young for this.

At six months she just started having longer sleeps, just like that. I didn't do anything different. So no bad habits were learnt from sleeping in swings, on me or in a baby carrier so please don't worry about this.

She is now 16 months and sleeps through the night and has a nice long nap in the middle of the day. She still listens to white noise and I am aiming to wean this soon.

Hang in there mumma it will get easier and you are doing a fab job