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  1. #1
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    Default 3.5 old issues, ideas needed!

    My husband and I are completely at our wits end with our 3.5 yr old DS. From the second he wakes to the second he goes to sleep everything is a huge fight with him. If we ask him anything eg. Breakfast this morning - what would you like? After asking 6 times, he answers spaghetti on toast. I make it for him then 2hrs later he still hasn't taken a bite. When asking him why he hasn't eaten it becomes a massive temper tantrum because he just wants to play, not talk or eat.

    We have an au pair that looks after him and DD during the day as I have a family day care so I look after 4 children downstairs in the daycare. DS and DD spend a lot of time in the daycare also with the au pair joining in our activities.

    We have tried timeouts, taking things off him, talking to him and nothing and I mean nothing works.

    Does anyone have any suggestions on what we can do to try to help him through this? Any and I mean ANY ideas at all would be greatly appreciated as my husband and I have run out completely.

    TIA

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    Subbing. Time outs don't seem to be working for our 3 year old either grrrrr

  3. #3
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    Subbing! We're about to list our 3 year old DD on eBay her behaviour and not listening is getting out of control!!

    Joking people, joking.

    Need some fresh perspective, we've tried and failed at everything so far!

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    jagamoe  (14-11-2013)

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    Try limited choices and time frames. eg. "Would you like this or this?" rather than " What would you like?" and if not eaten in 20min remove the food and he doesn't get anything till the next meal. Apply the choice option to anything not just food. Give him choices that you can live with rather than unlimited choices. It still gives him some control but within your limits. He'll still resist at first but if you stick to it eventually he'll come round. (well that's the theory anyway). Goodluck

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    Gandalf  (12-11-2013),SoThisIsLove  (13-11-2013)

  7. #5
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    I don't give choices with food.

    I got a couple of suggestions recently...if you want your child to do something you say...`Come and brush your teeth. Thankyou'. With emphasis on the thankyou. If you say please it gives the option for them to say no. This has been working well.

    If you want them to stop doing something, you don't mention the behavior i.e. `Hands down..thankyou' in a firm low voice instead of `Stop hitting' apparently they just hear ...blah blah hitting.

    Use few words, short sharp instructions with their name at the beginning to catch their attention...`John, cars away in the tub thankyou'

    I have no idea if this is helpful to what you are struggling with!

    I have a 3.5 year old too and the arguing back is doing my head in. Since I started the short sharp (not sharp voice) instructions, stopped being so wordy it seems to be helping.

  8. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to NoteToSelf For This Useful Post:

    charliejackson  (12-11-2013),Dreamer1  (12-11-2013),Gandalf  (12-11-2013),SoThisIsLove  (13-11-2013),twolittlemunchkins  (12-11-2013),WiseOldOwl  (12-11-2013)

  9. #6
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    Is it possible he is doing it for attention?

  10. #7
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    As the others have said. never anymore than 2 choices. At busy times no choice.

    Set the table up in area where there is little or no distraction. No tv on in the background no toys in sight etc. Stop asking for things to be done, tell him and don't move on until it's done. Eg, "Tommy please put the your truck in the box." when he refuses, When you have done xyz than we can do abc

    If needed gentle reminders that when he is done he can go play. Once he says he done remove the food. (this is if he has no sensory or weight issues)

    Consistency will be the key.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 12-11-2013 at 12:51.

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    Subbing

  12. #9
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    Does he still nap during the day. The reason i ask is this is exactly how my DD is if she DOESNT nap. She almost 5yo and still needs a nap on the days shes not at kindy. After kindy she is so tired and cranky everything is an argument or battle.

    Tiredness could be a factor? How is he sleeping at night? Maybe bring his bedtime half and hour earlier??

    Failing that, stop giving options for anything. Ask him do do something ONCE, if is not done, give him a warning, if she still doesnt do it, naughty corner. This works really well for my DS (almost 3yo). I find the warning is the most important part.

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    As the others have said. never anymore than 2 choices. At busy times no choice. .... Set the table up in area where there is little or no distraction. .... Consistency will be the key.
    I agree with anewme: Consistency is so much the key. When we change tack, kids just don't know what is expected of them.
    I just read a really good little book called "Toddler Parenting" - it's an easy read but packed full of info and tips that should help you. I learned so much from reading it, anyway...
    http://www.amazon.com/Toddler-Parent.../dp/B00F1X3ASA


 

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