I have never had help, and probably for this reason find myself uncomfortable when help is offered.
My mum died when I was a child, and my dad was busy working and for this reason I became very independent at a young age. I don't think it is a positive thing. I have been seeing a counsellor to help me change this aspect of my personality as it can become an issue between dh and I.
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Results 31 to 40 of 134
06-11-2013 15:36 #31
06-11-2013 15:54 #32
I work 4 days a week. I have a dh that works away. I don't have family to call on due to the distance we live. I manage just fine with getting the kids to school/daycare, pick ups from school/daycare, working, household chores, making fresh meals etc. I'm in a good routine, no dramas. I don't need help!
06-11-2013 16:08 #33
I don't 'need' help, but I'm currently a SAHM of only only one. My mum does comes over to 'help' once a week, so that i can run errands without getting DS in and out of the car a million times. But really it's more of an excuse for her to come and spend time with DS...and she usually just revs him up all day, doesn't let him sleep and then leaves just as he's getting to that ratty overtired screaming state...thanks mum, great help!! Haha.
But if people do need help, thats certainly nothing to be ashamed of. We all have different levels of coping and capabilities.
06-11-2013 16:21 #34
Yes I do need help. Not every day but people know when I ask I really need it. I have two kids, work 4 days and have more health issues than I ever imagined I would.
I'm not weak for needing help, I've had to learn my limitations, swallow my pride and ask for help. It may just be a random school pick up, or take the kids for an hour, but it's the little things that make a massive difference to me and mine and my kids well being.
06-11-2013 16:27 #35
I work full time so I "want" help. (I have a cleaner and ironing lady). Yes I could do it myself (so I dont "need" it ) - but that would take time away from spending time with my kids on the weekends.
My friend's mum comes and helps her out - but she has a child with ASD. It helps her keep on top of things. I think its lovely that her mum will pop over for a coffee and doing her ironing or something for her.
I think everyone could do with a hand at some point in their lives - and I think sometimes its the persons thats helpings way of saying they care. Raising kids is hard work. Everyone deserves a bit of support.
06-11-2013 16:34 #36
I'm a single mum with a special needs child and a 3.5 year old. I've been doing it on my own since I was 19. Some days is love help but I don't have it so I have to soldier on.
06-11-2013 16:44 #37
Do I need help, no. In saying that I am one lazy sod and really need to pick up my game and be a better housewife IYKIM.
So yer I just need to get off my bum more.
06-11-2013 17:45 #38
06-11-2013 18:15 #39
What is the point of this thread? Are you REALLY interested or just trying to make yourself feel somehow superior. had I read a thread like this when I was in the depths of my PND a few years ago It would have very nearly pushed me over the edge.
So to answer your question, do I get help? No I don't.... But if I had, I feel I may have at the very least not suffered so severely and felt like such a failure and alone when my babies were little.
Rewind time to 3 years ago and I was sitting at home with a newborn and a 13 month old, both with severe reflux, projectile vomiting and pooing blood on a daily basis. I was on a dairy soy, wheat, egg, gluten and dairy free diet while breastfeeding and had lost so much weight I felt fatigued and tired all the time, my dh worked away, I developed severe anxiety and eventually fell into deep and severe depression. The thought of Getting both my babies out the door on my own would literally send me into a blind panic attack. I was in pretty bad shape. My mum and MIL offered no respite and often told me "you had them, you deal with it all on your own". My dh used to say "there are millions of mothers out there with far more children than you, so why can't you handle it?". Fair enough, I had no history of mental health problems so they could be forgiven for not realising how seriously I really did need help.
I ended up in the PND unit of a hospital for 2 weeks where I was lovingly and compassionately supported and HELPED until I was able to do it all on my own again.
There is absolutley no shame in needing help!
but there is shame in making people feel inferior or like a failure for needing it or asking for it.
Good on you for being able to do it all on your own.... Here's a pat on the back for you! Happy now
Last edited by RipperRita; 06-11-2013 at 18:26.
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06-11-2013 18:22 #40
Oh believe me, I am not superior. I didn't bf, use cloth, co-sleepmor any of those other things that seem to make whatbis considered a 'good mum' here on BH.
I am genuinely interested. If you are reading my question as a snarky swipe at yourself personally please go back and read the OP. And all the other posts as well.
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