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  1. #101
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    Bub hub is meant to be a place that people can post without being jumped on..

    LOLLLLL since WHEN??

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    LOLLLLL since WHEN??
    In the 5 years I have been here this has never been the case As long as your opinion is the same as everyone else's, that is

  4. #103
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    I don't think I need help with chores regularly but being a part time student it'd be great to have some kind of help once in a while

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cicho View Post
    Well it actually got me thinking reading this thread, which was started about MIL babysitting in my home

    http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...ome&highlight=

    It seems it is the norm for most to have mums or MIL's 'help' while they are there looking after the little ones, like fold washing, pack the dishwasher etc. To me this is not normal. I don't have a mother. I have never had anyone to 'help' me, which is why I asked!

    Suddenly the thread has gone craazzeee becase someone got offended. Prior to that post it was all good, 4 pages of responses to my question and no seemed upset about it sharing their experiences, which to me is a learning curve seeing opinions from others' persepectives.

    It wasn't meant to create offence. It was a genuine question from someone who doesn't have a motherly figure or a bond with a female relative.

    Yes, I find it too much that someone with 2 primary aged school kids (not special needs) cannot get her kids ready for school. But of course it's different with sick bubs, spewers, non sleepers, multiples etc.

    And yes, in my situation I did look after my own kids. Still do. I haven't had any other choice. My kids are bigger now but would I have liked a break, yeah sure!

    I don't see the issue with that.
    I didn't take offence reading your post, but have you ever considered that rather than needing help to get the children ready to school, the family just enjoys having the grandmother as part of their daily routine? I think it's lovely that the grandmother can participate and the mother is clearly happy to have her around. Maybe being able to have a shower in peace in the morning is just a bonus for this family?

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I've been thinking about this thread more. What is considered help?

    I use daycare because I don't have help. MIL lives overseas, my mum is disabled, husband has very little family here in Australia, my family live all over the country. We do have friends but they've all got their own kids. I wouldn't expect them to come over and fold my washing and I only ask them to mind my kids if absolutely desperate. I've got 3 kids and none are at school yet, so I think it's a big ask to use a friend to babysit. I do mind my friend's 2 kids every Friday, they are the same age as my older 2. She would repay the favour any time. As it turns out, we haven't needed it. I don't have any high needs kids so would probably feel different if I did. That doesn't mean my kids don't drive me crazy sometimes!

    I didn't take offence to the op, but we are also used to doing everything on our own here, so I guess I just get on with it and don't think about it.
    i was thinking about it last night as well. I would consider daycare paid help, and that is often used as a village for parents who don't have family to help. I used it too because I needed help while I worked.

    ----

    I don't consider myself as going it alone. My son has many influences and people to guide him, from me, to his stepmum, to the sensei at karate, to his teacher, to his principal, his grandparents, the little old lady down the road who lets him go over and pat her dog. They all bring something positive to his life. They all shape him into the awesome little person that he is.

    compared to a lot of parents I receive a LOT of what people consider 'help'. It's just how my family roll lol. We don't believe helping each other ends once people move out of home. If one of us moves we all pitch in. If there's something dead in the ceiling that's a dad job. Electrical issue my brother's job. Cooking issue my job. The last time DS and I were at my parents house and they went out and were insanely busy we sneakily cleaned the house from top to bottom. Not because they 'need' help but because it's considered a normal thing to do in our family.

    My mum adores my DS and they have the most lovely grandparent-grandchild relationship so yes she often asks if he can come over, most of the time I go with them but yes sometimes I use that time to walk along the beach, see a movie, make out with my handsome man, etc.

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    I don't call what you describe as help it's just what family do.
    I could survive doing everything myself but I have family who love to come play with ds or while we are talking they will put dishes in the dishwasher.. in my family that's normal and I love it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pisang View Post
    I don't call what you describe as help it's just what family do.
    I could survive doing everything myself but I have family who love to come play with ds or while we are talking they will put dishes in the dishwasher.. in my family that's normal and I love it.
    Thank you for explaining that for me.

    As I have already stated I dont have a mum so find what other daughters and mums do/have is very foreign to what I know.

    Ive never had the option just to call in someone to help me out. My dear dad helps when he can though, but ive just never had that village and now im getting older understanding the concept is getting more difficult



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    No help here, DH and I made our family and we'll look after it.
    My mum asks every single time she is here if she can do this or that, I don't want help, period. Her job as a grandparent is to play with her grand kids, simple.



    Totally in love with our two beautiful little girls.
    Feb 2011 and May 2013

  14. #109
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    I have almost no help at all. MIL watches DS when we go to counselling for an hour, once a week. I recently went 15 days caring for DS alone when I think I spoke to someone else maybe twice. And one was at the shop. I have no family in this country. I have a couple of friends that always say 'but why didn't you ask for help?', but when I do they are always too busy. So I stopped.

    Do I need a village? No, but a little network would be great. I am going back to work 3 days a week next year and DS is starting cc. I a, moving back to the country where I do have a support network. Oh, how I live for that day. I don't feel pride that I do it on my own (and tbh, my house is kind of a pigsty), but at least I know that I can when it comes to it, and that counts for something I guess...

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    Quote Originally Posted by giveitago View Post
    No help here, DH and I made our family and we'll look after it.
    My mum asks every single time she is here if she can do this or that, I don't want help, period. Her job as a grandparent is to play with her grand kids, simple.



    Totally in love with our two beautiful little girls.
    Feb 2011 and May 2013
    Gee you don't want to say that out loud. Someone may get offended

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