I always get that dreadful feeling in my tummy. I'm so much happier on my own - except on Christmas Day.
It's such a family orientated time and I loathe having to say goodbye to my boys at lunchtime.
December also marks the anniversary of my separation. I'll never forget the heartache I felt on my very first Christmas alone with DS1 & 7 months pregnant with DS2. Just 8 days earlier I'd kicked out their father after learning of his affair with my best friend.
The rest of the year I never give it a thought - but even three years on Christmas has just lost is shine :/
I hate that this once joyous time has become a big dark cloud of heartbreaking memories.
To make it worse my boys now also go to his GF's families place as well. It pains me that they get to be happy with my babies at a time when every year I'm left feeling like a shell of myself because of their actions. I have tears dripping down my face typing this.
Even the strong people have their kryptonite
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05-11-2013 23:38 #1
With Christmas approaching...
Last edited by Theboys&me; 06-11-2013 at 00:56.
05-11-2013 23:55 #2
Nothing to say but big hugs.
What about your family or close friends?
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06-11-2013 00:07 #3
I never post in this section but had to just quickly come in and send you massive hugs.
You must be pretty dam strong to get through a day like that. I couldn't do it. I know I'd have to but I can't picture how.
Is he still with your bestie? Omg nothing I type will make you feel better but I sincerely hope in years to come this pain lessens and you find someone that treats you like absolute GOLD.
I only know you from BH but I can honestly feel through your every post that you are such a good person with a big heart. Oh and an awesome mum I must add. You are the whole package!
I'm sorry Christmas will be a bit sad for you but here's hoping it's the last.
06-11-2013 00:59 #4
I'd rather just go home by myself. But I hate it. I can't wish away Christmas any quicker!!
06-11-2013 01:04 #5
06-11-2013 01:05 #6
It really is a tough day for me. Yeah three years on and they are still together (although obviously not my bestie anymore).
The heartache mainly just seems to happen at Christmas. To be honest though I'm not even sure I have it in me to meet someone again. It's just not in the cards for me anytime soon. I'm happy with just my boys ... If only Christmas finished at lunchtime!! Lol
Thank you though. That's such a lovely thing for you to say from my posts. I really appreciate it.
I know this is a silly pity thread but ... Seriously how is it November already??!! Haha
06-11-2013 01:08 #7
06-11-2013 01:13 #8
I'm sorry but I just can't understand how? About the bestie? You see it on the bold and the beautiful but you think surely this doesn't happen IRL that often but already 2 of you in this one thread
How can she enjoy Christmas with your babies with no guilt? I'm gobsmacked!! I've never had a bestie but always thought they were like having a sister. I always thought it was sad I never really had a full on bestie but now I think geez what's the point if there's a risk of such pain.
How it's November I do not know either.
I won't be celebrating Xmas this year as my beautiful grandfather left us so it will be an emotional one. Lucky DD won't know the difference phew!
You can come on BH that day and chat to me
06-11-2013 01:28 #9
06-11-2013 04:39 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I know the feeling. I still love Christmas and all that, but it's just hard now. I hate having to share. Whenever we're making our visitation plans (it changes according to his needs ) I'm always screaming inside that "you don't even bl00dy LIKE Christmas!!!", whereas I LOVE Christmas. So why should I share. LOL.
Nevertheless, I share, of course. Last year and I think this year as well, because I am awesome and am taking the kids away camping on Boxing Day for a week and a half, he has asked if he can have them Christmas Eve and return them Christmas mid-morning. Of course I say yes, but I hate it. I LOVE having the kids run into my room to wake me up saying that Santa's been, I LOVE wearily getting up, grabbing my camera along the way, to watch the kids open all their presents, knowing that most other households have similarly fun times happening in their house at the exact same time.
But now I miss out on that. Why? All so my kids can have their obligatory time at their fathers house, waking up on Christmas morning undecided if they should dare to wake their dad to tell him Santa's been, so he can probably either tell them to wait or to drag himself out to sleep on the lounge so he can say he was present while they were opening their gifts. As I said, he doesn't even like Christmas!!
And THEN (whinge continues...) they come home, open their presents, look at them, and then we need to go, because now we only have HALF a day to have LUNCH at 2 different households (yep, he doesn't get along with his parents, so we go there as well as to my mum's, just like we always have).
Aaaaanyhoo, I'm supposed to be getting ready for work. That turned into a pretty big whinge LOL. But just wanted to share that you're not alone in your feelings. I actually turn off all TV and radio and don't go on FB, until my kids get home on Christmas. It's too depressing. I do still love Christmas though, but its' just one of those times of year where it's really shoved in your face that you're a single mum.
Last edited by CMF; 07-11-2013 at 04:20.
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