I am a bit of a lady of leisure at the moment with one school-aged child and only working running an extremely small and fun business from home which doesn't require a lot of work at the moment. I cook us all breakfasts, do the school run, do a fair whack of the housework (because I can during the day with DP at work and DS at school). I cook dinner and DP does the dishes and cleans the kitchen after. I do laundry.
When I worked fulltime housework was a little bit more evenly spread but me still doing the lion's share. To be fair DP never cleaned when he lived alone but does so now purely so I'm not doing it all.
what makes the biggest difference for me as opposed to being with my son's biological father is parenting is very much shared. He comes to parent-teacher interviews, sports days, plays with him after school and helps with his homework. With my ex I felt very trapped because I could never go anywhere without a child tagging along which meant I missed out on a lot of things I enjoye and lost a lot of great friendships. There was a lot of resentment on my behalf. Now I go to my yoga classes twice a week and DP cooks dinner for DS and tucks him into bed and if my friends invite me out and it's something not suitable for children the only thing i have to check is whether DP had anything arranged, if not off I go!
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02-11-2013 09:53 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
02-11-2013 10:11 #12
I have friends that come across as the most perfect parents, with perfect families, but I know it simply isn't so. I never drop in unannounced at friends places but a couple of months ago I did, just to drop something off, and I immediately regretted it. I felt I walked in on a bad situation, my friend looked like she had been crying, husband looked uncomfortable and like he was really angry but covering it up, and the kids had their heads down and seemed quiet. It upset me and I just knew it wasn't perfect in that household. I got out pretty quickly. The tension in the air was so thick.
Never judge people by what you *see*. People go to great lengths to appear normal and better than normal.
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02-11-2013 10:20 #13
DH is very helpful but at the same time frustrating because I do have to prompt/remind him and he can get easily side tracked
02-11-2013 10:21 #14
I work part time and Dh full time but shift work. When he is home he is great with the kids but avg with housework.
I do more cooking/everyday cleaning, Dh does the outside/weekly cleans/laundry mostly. This was after much negotiation.
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02-11-2013 10:35 #15
My dh and I are pretty equal with everything. He runs his own business from home and I work almost full time (Monday-Thursday). When I'm at work, he looks after ds and when I'm home he works or gets some down time, but weekends we usually do things as a family together, or with our friends. I do all the cooking and grocery shopping but aside from that we do all the household chores in turns. We don't have to ask each other to do it, dh is a neat freak and hates clutter so he will tidy up or do laundry or take rubbish out or clean the dishes when he sees it needs doing. I'm the same. We also have a nanny/cleaner who comes twice a week and she spends 3 hours with ds so dh can work, and 2 hours cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, laundry and floors. I think our situation is quite unique because neither of us feels like we are carrying the weight of the other, and ds gets the benefit of having us both as his "primary" carers. We have bub #2 due any day now, so things will change a bit over the next 8 months but I'll be going back to almost full time work again in July, and ds starts 2 days at child care in January.
02-11-2013 10:59 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2013
Last edited by dee1; 20-02-2014 at 20:58.
02-11-2013 11:00 #17
I work 2 days per week and go to uni the other 3 days. Df looks after the kids while I'm away and then goes to work when I get home. He does what he can during the day and I'll finish off things that he hasn't had a chance to get to. He will usually do washing, dishes, take out rubbish, gardening, vacuuming. I make a point of telling him to rest as he usually doesn't finish work till midnight and then has to get up to look after the kids the next morning.
02-11-2013 11:33 #18
I am a SAHM and primary care giver to our 2 boys (6 months and 22 months old). My husband works away for 3 weeks at a time so while he is away I do everything with no help.
When he comes home he is back for 3 weeks. He does garden/outdoor stuff, helps with the kids and occasionally will do some of the housework if I ask (nag) enough. I wish he would help me a bit more with the kids so I could have a break but it's hard as I am still breast feeding and can't express a bottle for him to feed with as I don't get enough milk when I pump.
02-11-2013 12:39 #19
02-11-2013 17:35 #20
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