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  1. #41
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    I wouldn't go with either, at least for the time being. Even if option B was the perfect person for you, it could all fall apart under the strain of a divorce and lingering issues from your ex.

    If it was me, I'd give DH a chance to prove he's making real changes by allowing him a good 6 months or so to show you he's serious about making it work. If you go with the other guy straight away you'll never know if your DH could do it and if your marriage has a future.

    The situation with option B seems a bit too full on, while its nice to hear these things now it'll wear thin pretty quickly if there's no substance behind it.

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  3. #42
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    Neither... I was/am in the same position... Pretty much exactly the same. Personally I loved Mr Stable but his insecurities drove me to hate him and love him at the same time. I don't love Mr unstable but I just kind of wished that Mr Stable could worship me in the same way Mr Unstable did.

    I realise now though when you leave a relationship in the physical sense there is a lot of backward and forward still going on but that's what they call a cycle of abuse. You leave... He tries hard to please you... You come back and he drops his guard and starts returning to his old ways. I don't think abusive men subconsciously do this but it's more so they do anything to have you back and then when your back they find themselves slipping into old behaviour.

    I know it's easier said and don but you need to walk away from those relationships. If that person wants to fix their behaviour and give it another go in a years time that has nothing to do with you. They don't need you in their life to change their crappy controlling behaviour. The fact that they expect you to be there as some kind of committment is wrong in itself.

    For that reason I have had to be very clear to my Mr stable. Don't touch me. Don't kiss me. Don't ask me to stay. We are not together anymore! This is a time for both of you to find yourselves and learn about yourself. Involving 3rd parties like mr unstable is just going to complicate things further because he;'s not what you truly want.

    Sometimes we get greedy and we want it all. Sometimes we have to realise that we sometimes can't have it all. Work on yourself and forget about chasing love. When you are the person you want to be and completely content love will find you.

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  5. #43
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    And I might add being alone sucks balls... It really does I get it. I'm sitting here right now feeling like utter crap because I am alone in my house. No partner, no kids, no friends. Being alone kind of drives people to do dumb stuff against their better judgement. Right now I really want to hang out with my ex, eat a whole pizza or exercise till I can't move anymore. None of those things are really constructive. What I need to do is work on myself so I'm ok with my own company. Don't let being alone for the first time in a long time undo you.

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  7. #44
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    Neither man sounds amazing.

    I would choose option c : you

    you don't need a man to complete you, only compliment you. Neither of these blokes seem to do this.

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  9. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by FITCHICK View Post
    Mr Unstable
    Pros = Love on legs, Caring, Cool calm & collected. Unconditionally loving. Good work ethic. Free sprit.
    Cons = Free Sprit = lacks stability.
    This pretty much describes my DP! He's just the most loving, caring, fun, sexy, hot, spontaneous, thoughtful person I've ever met. He's also very passionate about the things he loves the most (ie. his kids, me, his family).

    It's a no brainer for me.

  10. #46
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    Option c: time.

    I really believe that when a relationship breaks down you need time.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2twinboys View Post
    Neither man sounds amazing.

    I would choose option c : you

    you don't need a man to complete you, only compliment you. Neither of these blokes seem to do this.

    I totally agree with this. I think when we feel an inadequacy in ourselves we seek others to fulfil it which is one of the worst mistakes we can make. We should be in charge of making ourselves content not relying on someone to be the missing puzzle piece.

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  13. #48
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    Ok I've just read some of the thread. I met my Mr Unstable when I had been single for quite a while (divorced 3 years). I'm not sure it would have gone so well if I had met him right after my marriage break up. I think I've needed this time to find my feet on my own.

    When I met DP I was really ready and we have both fallen head over heals for each other.

    How do you feel about Mr Unstable? Do you have feelings towards him?

  14. #49
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    I wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone who I knew to lack empathy and be controlling. Big red flags to me. I'm not sure someone who is not stable is a great alternative, but he might be great for a good time, not a long time.

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    Mr unstable


 

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