So if my kids ARE my life.....is this ok?
Somedays i am made to feel like a no body, a lost cause, a loser, a no life because i have revolved myself around my kids so much.
Is it my fault previous childless friends left me when i had my kids?
is it my fault i try so hard to make friendships that always end up lettiing me down and standing me up?
Is it my fault i couldnt confide in anyone during a time i was really struggling and all i wanted was for someone to make me a phone call/come over to my house when they said they would for support...then didnt?
Is it all my fault that i have learnt i can only depend on myself, DH and my kids?
i dont have a life out side my dh and kids. Our families live a fair distance away, so i dont even have family around.
i have learnt to appreciate what i have. i have learnt to be alone and do it all myself, i have learnt to put a guard up when i meet new people through playgroups, mothers groups ect because i dont want to be disappointed in people anymore.
I am hesitant when the playgroup ladies want to "catch up" with me/the group out side of playgroup. DH pushes me to go, but i just dont want to make a "connection" with any of them because i know what will happen. The friendship always drifts away and dies. Plus i feel like a bit of a social retard and have a very 'cant be botherd anymore' attitude.
I just want to be with my kids, who never ever let me down. They are the love of my life.
Sometimes i feel like i should do more for myself - get a hobby, study, join a gym, go shopping by mysefl, buy me something...whatever. But i am returning to work next year and i feel "ME STUFF" can wait untill then.
DH works stupid long hours 7am-6.30pm then plays sports every 2nd night and doesnt get home untill 11pm. So i dont get out without the kids much anyways. Weekends i want to go out as a family, if dh send me off somewhere alone, i get bored and come home lol. He says to be careful not to forget "who i am".
Im a SAHM, its all about being with my kids while they are so little, and im fine with that. This special time does not last forever, infact it will be over for me by next year. im a bit sad about that but financial reasons, i have to work just a couple days a week (my rules lol). Im only 27 and my kids are only little once. i really dont have an issue wrapping myself up in them.
.sorry, dont know if there is a point to this thread. just rambling, i suppose.
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25-10-2013 13:36 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2013
my kids ARE my life..
Last edited by Beefie; 25-10-2013 at 13:47.
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25-10-2013 14:00 #2
I think it's great that you devote yourself to your family especially when your kids are so young.
I also feel though that it would be good to let your guard down and open yourself up to the possibility of friendships with other adults. Whilst I get the whole social awkwardness thing (I feel much the same) I just think once your kids are older and dont depend on you so much you may start to feel lonely. As you mention you will be going to work soon so you might meet more people that way. I don't think it needs to be really close friendship type thing but just someone to have coffee with, go out for lunch once in a while would be nice.
Myself I spend most of my time with my kids and dh and only have 3 friends i see. Even though we don't catch up often its nice when we do.
25-10-2013 15:56 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
I think it is importent you have a balance. But I think you will get that when you return to work.
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25-10-2013 16:08 #4
For me its essential to have balance and not forget who I am. I love being a mother but its not all I am.
Why don't you join a book club or something just for you?
25-10-2013 16:19 #5
If you are happy with your life then its fine.
I couldn't handle not having an active social life and most importantly "me" time. But it takes all kinds to make up society.
Just a thought tho - when someone asks you to meet for a catch up or coffee please say yes. There are many ppl out there that struggle to make friends and your rebuffs could really destroy their self esteem.
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25-10-2013 16:24 #6
Personally I can't be a good mum to my baby without taking time for me alone.
Could you go out one night when DH minds the kids? Go for a drinks with friends or even to a gym class?
Friendships are harder or different once you have kids but I reckon it's very important to work on them.
Where about do you live?
25-10-2013 16:28 #7
I can totally relate with what you've said OP. I am a sahm and until recently I didn't have many friends, I think it's ok to be a family orientated person as long as you're happy with it. DH an I enjoy each others company and we are perfectly happy being home on our own enjoying our little family. As a mater of fact we recently went on a trip with 'friends' 3 other couple + kiddos and there was all kinds of dramas and we wished we has stayed home!!!
I would say tho that maybe you should make an effort to make some mummy friends, might take a while to find the right friend it did for me but now I have a little 'mummy group' and its full of lovely ladies... just keep trying till you click with someone
25-10-2013 16:31 #8
One thing I would personally worry about is when you are no longer THEIR whole life. They're only little looking at your sig... but soon enough, they'll be in school, and you won't be their entire world anymore.
I don't think you're a loser at all, but I do think that it can be hard to get back into the swing of life "as someone other than just a mother," in one big go... probably easier to slowly move back into it.
I think it's also important to teach our daughters that they deserve to have time out for themselves no matter what. That means, showing them that Mum will always take some time out for herself, to do something selfish JUST for her... because when they grow up, they'll look back to how YOU were as a mother, and that will affect how THEY are as mothers. I know that for my daughter, I want her to realise that she isn't JUST her kids. I found it really hard to do that myself, as my own mother spent about the first 13 years of my life doing nothing but dedicating her time to us.
I wish she had spent more time looking out for herself too though.
25-10-2013 16:52 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
I don't think it's particularly healthy, sorry OP. I think you should be doing something for yourself.
I believe that not only does it benefit you but it benefits your whole family.
25-10-2013 17:50 #10
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