I hold my tongue until a certain point, usually.
I recently lost it when someone was being careless with their health (after weight loss surgery). I've seen it so often, and bitten my tongue, but I was just so over it, I told her exactly how stupid and dangerous she was being. Plenty of others were nicely advising her to make wiser choices, while many more were saying, "there there, you're trying your best!" (mollycoddling and encouraging dangerous behaviour IMO).
I bite my tongue at work though. Clients come to me saying all sorts of things, assuming I must somehow agree with them... sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me want to argue till I'm blue in the face, but I just give them a non-commital sound and try not to encourage further discussion on the topic. lol.
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24-10-2013 18:46 #11
24-10-2013 18:47 #12-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
If it was someone I didn't like I probably wouldn't be around them in the first place.
If it was on a forum then unless the person was displaying obvious signs of being unwell I might be a little more honest/open...
24-10-2013 18:50 #13
I just generally avoid the drama and smile and nod if I'm getting a sob story. I just don't have the energy to get involved anymore.
If it's my mum being silly I will speak up and tell her that she's the one causing the trouble (although she hates taking the blame).
In both cases I don't think the person is actually after advice because both approaches have zero impact on the out come (and people just keep on getting into these situations).
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24-10-2013 19:00 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Bad things happen to good people all the time and awful things happen to all sorts of people far too often.
But there comes a point when maybe a spot of self evaluation is called for. It can't always be someone else's fault.
Anyway. I'm old and cynical.
24-10-2013 19:02 #15
If it's someone I'm close to and I think it will make a difference I will give my unsolicited advice. Bluntly. On here if someone is expressly asking opinions I will give it freely. Unless I don't think I'm hearing the full story, then I usually keep my mouth shut if its here (ie someone painting themselves in a better light than the other party to garner sympathy- I'm sure it happens all the time so I'm reluctant to offer hugs and support in some cases because it could be a case of validating an entirely warped point of view) but if it's someone I know I'll say 'that's crap, i dont believe it went down like that'
24-10-2013 20:00 #16
IF I give advice or an opinion, I'm always honest. IRL, I would and have told friends things they didn't really like. As they are with me. Some friends didn't like it and are no longer friends, but I figure if we can't be honest with friends, then they weren't really friends to begin with.
One of my besties generally asked me if I was rushing things when I got engaged after on,y knowing DH for a couple of months. I could have gotten upset or angry with her, but I knew what she was saying and why - she was worried about me rushing in. Once we chatted, I think she was convinced I knew what I was doing - she never bought it up again and we are still best friends now.
On here? It depends on the day. Some days I will and some times I can't be bothered going against the grain and close the thread and back away. It can also depend on the poster. If I've tried and tried to help them before and given honest and kind opinions (I do try to be nicer about it and not sledgehammer them) then I don't even bother.
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