IF you do decide to split with your dp you just have to put yourself out there.
In answer to your question, I wouldn't recommend having children with a partner you weren't 100%sure about. I did that with my xh. He's a much better (I wouldn't say good) father now that we've split but I hate the fact that he's still in my life. I'd be quite happy to never see him again.
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26-10-2013 06:43 #31
26-10-2013 07:14 #32
Honestly, I would say better the devil you know. PP have said you may be surprised at how easy it is to find another partner- I strongly disagree. I have many friends who have struggled to find a partner, and then when they do find one they don't always last, they sometimes come with more baggage than you can cope with, they sometimes don't want/aren't ready for children. Then you will be back at square one. I have a few friends the same age or a bit older than the OP who are looking at the real possibility of never having children. Look, everyone wants the romance of falling in love with 'the one' to have children but its not always that simple.
I would give it a few years and try to work on things with your DH- perhaps you need to be brutally honest about how you feel. And if it doesn't work out, be planning to go down the donor route. The reality is that by the time you find someone else and are ready to have kids with them, 10 years could have easily passed.
26-10-2013 07:17 #33
OP I think you answered your own question. The things you are worried about aren't small things, if they keep going the way they are you are just going to build up a lot of resentment. I suggest before TTC give him that ultimatum, tell him that you are unhappy and need things to change and then give him a timeframe. A reasonable time frame. Then take things from there.
11-08-2014 11:40 #34Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
I had my 2 boys with a man who actually had his sh** together. then he lost it and has been a total deadbeat for the last 6 years. I am 95% certain he will not change.
I wouldn't give up my kids for the world, but if there was a way to go back and have them WITHOUT having him and his bad vibes around, i would do it in a heart beat.
The frustration with having an ex partner who cant hold himself up, is beyond depressing.
I have tried time and time again to help him become employed again, and get his own place (he too, is living at his parents) to no avail.
Just my experience.
To me it sounds like you want out, but maybe you're not ready to admit it yet.
good luck, keep us updated
11-08-2014 16:45 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
I'd cut my losses. I was never 100% with exDP & had my DD with him. I met my fiancé 10 months after we split & we are now having our own DD . You'll meet someone xx
11-08-2014 17:45 #36
personally, I would be having a deep and meaningful conversation with your current partner.
explain that you would like to start a family (within a specific time frame) but for that to happen you need for him to be an equal partner in your relationship. For him to
- sort out his mental health issues (or at least actively work at getting help)
- find full time employment
- for the 2 of your to get your finances in order and move out from your in-laws. That is not conducive to happily raising children in most circumstances.
If he isnt willing to sort himself out and be in a position to create the family you want - then you know where you are.
this isnt supposed to be confrontational - just a deep conversation about where you are each at in life, and what your expectations are ...
11-08-2014 18:09 #37-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
This is an old post.. I wonder if the OP is still around?
11-08-2014 18:32 #38Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2013
I think as women today we are both blessed and cursed to have so many options. We can be the breadwinner and primary parent and run a home all on our own... But wouldn't it be nice to have that perfect life partner to help us carry the burden? If you want to have a baby, you can totally do it, one way or another. I think a child wouldn't put off the right man if you met him somewhere down the track, but you have to be sure of your commitment to parenthood.
Since you are really looking at ttc once you've finished studying etc, then you have a few years. If it were me, I would leave and see if that's the push he needs to get his stuff together and stand on his own two feet. The risk of course is that even if he does, your relationship may still be over. I also suffer from depression and it can be so so hard to support someone through that. At this point you may be a crutch for him rather than a support.
11-08-2014 18:54 #39
usually I look at the dates before I respond
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