I am migrant expecting my first baby in Brisbane. Both me and my partner are from overseas and we have no relatives here, not close friends also where we are. I am excited about my baby and I was hoping my mum could come to my childbirth but unfortunately due to having diabetes and dealing with a long flight in her condition she won't come. I just found out today and I feel really sad. I want to cry, dealing the first months by ourselves with no guidance and emotional support :'(
My husband's parents will come but a few months later, they cant come at the due date. I don't know what to do, this is such an important moment in our lives and this news got us pretty upset. Can anybody tell me if it has been on the same boat and how you dealt with it?
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17-10-2013 11:28 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
No family near me for my childbirth
17-10-2013 11:54 #2
Big hugs. I haven't been in this situation but I can imagine it wouldn't be easy.
Hopefully someone else on here can offer some useful advice.
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17-10-2013 11:55 #3
I haven't been in that position but if you get in touch with your community health nurse they should be able to point you in the direction of local mums groups. You could also meet people through antenatal classes (usually ran at your hospital) or do something like pregnancy yoga to meet other mums. The due in groups on here are also great for a support network.
For the birth process, you could find a student midwife or doula for extra support.
17-10-2013 12:00 #4
Hi! I have been in that position with both births. It never worried me. At my 2nd labour I had a friend rather than a partner which really didn't phase me either. I think if it did though I would definitely have looked at getting a student doula. After you have baby make sure you get linked to a mothers group. This can help with isolation and make sure you get the phone numbers for services that you can call to answer any questions you may have.
17-10-2013 12:08 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I was the same with my first.
exh was from the UK and my family were in another state in Australia and my sister was pregnant at the same time so they wanted to stay nearby to her.
Honestly, it was fine. We did lots of reading and I made some friends during my pre natal classes and it went smoothly.
I know it might feel a little overwhelming right now, but, use it as a time to bring you and your DH together and you will be fine.
17-10-2013 12:42 #6
Hi - same boat here too although we have lived here for years so do have friends.
I wouldn't want anyone at my birth apart from DH and would have hated having anyone to stay in this first few weeks. My mum came out and about 6 weeks which was perfect.
Do you have friends as a support network here? Otherwise join your DIG on here - I have made great friends from mine!
17-10-2013 12:42 #7
I'm sure you will do fine. I was in this situation myself. I actually found it was in my favour. MIL wanted to stay for 5 weeks afterwards and I actually put my foot down about it when I thought about it. Yes having some help could have been nice, but I wanted the bonding time alone with MY baby and my hubby. Not having to constantly worry about entertaining another person (other than bubby) was great, and I could take naps and run to our own schedule and not have to worry about breastfeeding or even getting out of my pajamas after a bad night.. Yes, I didnt exactly have someone who could just take bub for me for 5 minutes while I made a cup of tea during the day, but I really didnt need it. Your hubby will be there for you, and you can give bub to him when you need a break - its his baby too.
Join in a mums group, even if you have an online mums group, they are fantastic for the extra support (there are plenty of due in groups on here you could join). Find out what activities are around for mums and bubs. I used to take DS to the local library for nursery rhyme and reading activities right from when he was a little bub. When he got a bit bigger we started doing mum and bub exercise classes.
17-10-2013 12:43 #8
I have to agree with everyone else, it will be easier than you think.
I had my first son in a tiny town, no friends, no relatives, (all overseas too) and honestly, those few weeks at the beginning, all you want to do is sleep when baby sleeps.
For me, if I had had company then I wouldn't have felt so comfortable with sleeping as much as I needed.
My MIL came over then when DS1 was 4 weeks old and by then we had a bit of a routine going to the point where I could leave him with instructions for an hour or so.
On DS2 though, different story altogether.
We had moved umpteen times since DS1 was born so we found ourselves in the same situation again, no friends or family close by.
So I needed MIL from the week I was due to watch DS1 when whenever went in.
She stayed for 8 weeks in total and I really don't know how I would have coped with 2 children on my own all day long. DS2 was a particularly needy baby, and still is.
You'll be fine.
Do what others have suggested join some groups and there's fantastic help here.
I had a wonderful nurse that I would see in the local clinic and even in the lead up to the birth I had home visits for ante-natal care because I was living in the Hunter Valley.
That was invaluable, I would never had got such good care where I'm from and I was so thankful of it.
When are you due?
17-10-2013 13:11 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
We have done it alone with twins. My in laws just visited for the first time when the twins were nearly 4 months old. Its absolutely fine as long as your partner is supportive and gives you a break when you need. I agree with some others, having the time alone at first is better to work things out for your family without anyone else there. I've also been surprised at who has offered to help, people we don't even know well. So you might have people around who notice and make the offer, even if you wouldn't have thought it.
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17-10-2013 14:35 #10
We both came over from the uk and we don't have any family here (except my dad but no mother etc) we did it by ourselves and I actually am very glad this was the case. We are muddling through, dd is now 6 weeks and we've managed so far!
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