I absolutely think an unhealthy relationship affects children. But not just in terms of one boyfriend to another, I also see many married couples in unhealthy relationships where their children are paying the price.
I grew up in one of those homes where my parents thought they were doing the right thing by staying together and 'assumed' we were better off yet I was silently crying myself to sleep each night. They didn't even fight in front us. It was the lack of love and a house full of resentment that affected me.
I think if your friend can find a ground where her children still feel like their mum is happy it might be okay. But I'm not sure how much happiness even she would be feeling yoyoing from one relationship to the other. It doesn't sound like the best environment for anyone involved included her children.
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17-10-2013 07:09 #11
17-10-2013 07:38 #12
Speaking from my own experience during childhood, yes it does. In my case, I think I came out the other end relatively unscathed but I do definitely have some emotional issues. For example, pretending everything is fine when it isn't.
17-10-2013 07:44 #13
Yes. No doubt.
17-10-2013 08:05 #14
Absolutely. The lack of stability would drive me crazy as an adult, I can't imagine what that does to a child! My sister does back and forth, she has moved over 10 times in 6years and in that time, broken up and got back together with the father each time. It's confusing- I don't even ask if there together or not anymore.
17-10-2013 08:09 #15
Yep I agree with PPs, that kind of instability is not good for children (or any other kind of unhealthy relationship either).
My mum has been married a fair few times, but she stayed with my step father for much longer than she should have. It was pretty uncomfortable at home despite the fact they had been married for over 10 years. I preferred her dating again and moving on because we finally had some closure and peace.
That kind of on again off again relationship would do my head in, I can't imagine how those poor kids feel (or the adults either ).
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17-10-2013 08:09 #16
Sounds like Z and Y have no issues sharing if she's going back and forth. Perhaps it's time to consider a polygamous marriage for her.
Seriously though, I think the stability is important. A mum having different partners doesn't concern me too much, but if she's living with them, changing and chopping, the kids would be quite messed up as to who is their strong Male Role Model. Perhaps they both need to accept both as male role models.
And agreed Boys and Me. That staying in an unhealthy relationship is just as damaging.
17-10-2013 08:17 #17
EVERY single thing a parent does and every single choice a parent makes in some form effects their children.
If the children are loved, cared for, confident, happy and secure, then I really don't see a problem.
17-10-2013 08:24 #18
Age 20, engaged, mummy to 3yo DS and TTC his sibling! Living life backwards
17-10-2013 09:17 #19
I'm trying to figure out the point of this post, OP, are you truly conflicted as to whether such a life style is unhealthy or not for children?? Have you turned to a forum to seek help finding your moral compass re other people's love life and the effects it may have on their children?? Or is this a gossip post.. I'm guessing it is.
So most people have stated that, 'this girl you know', is making the wrong choices about her love life in regards to her children, now what??? I take it you have genuine concern for the children, are you in a position to approach 'this girl you know' and have a wee chat to her? Maybe her poor choices are due to insecurity, or maybe there are deeper issues there that you are unaware about. Perhaps being a friend to her may be just what she needs. Or maybe you have no intention to be proactive about this situation and just wanted to gossip. I don't think I will ever understand this side of forum's. *sigh.
Ultimately.. it's her life, her choices...
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17-10-2013 09:25 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
There's too many variables.
What time frame are we talking about? Days, weeks, months, years? Does she just go straight from one to the other or is there some time between relationship? Again how long?
Does she live with them? In her own place or theirs? Is it like couch hopping where she moves from Y's house to Z's and back again?
I can see it playing out in a way that would have a massively negative impact on the kids as well in a way where the impact would be much less.
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