I've been feeling rather low for a while- actually I've been quite depressed since everything started to go wrong in life.
My daughter who we were trying so hard to conceive, was born 3 months early in November 2011. She has so many appointments with health care providers. At nearly two she sees 8 specialists, and that doesn't include normal gp visits which she has a lot of!
We have suffered losses as well. The most difficult being in May with my ectopic pregnancy at 8 weeks. I should have been 4 weeks behind my sister in law who is nearly ready to have my niece. We will be out of the country for it but I am scared I won't be able to bond with my niece. I will probably be too scared and upset to hold her.
I really hate the person loss and grief has turned me in to. the loss of pregnancies- only getting to 29 weeks, not being able to enjoy the last part, the loss of a natural birth, no baby shower, no friends or family visiting as they didn't know what to say. it was hard. Now I have been told we are high risk and we shouldn't even try for another baby. I'm hanging up my reproductive cape as they think history will repeat even earlier and a baby and myself will die, leaving my 2yo and husband with out a mother. I am grieving the fact that I'll never see those pretty two lines again- never grow a huge belly and get to term again.
I wish things were different.
Grief and loss change you forever. So does a nicu journey. I don't like the person I've become.
Sorry for babbling- just needed to get it out.
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11-10-2013 10:02 #1
Can't cope - need to let it all out.
Last edited by LysnDan; 11-10-2013 at 10:04.
11-10-2013 10:13 #2
11-10-2013 10:20 #3
Please don't apologise for getting it out. It's important for you to feel able to speak about what is upsetting you.
You'll always find a supportive ear here on bubhub.
Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app
11-10-2013 10:52 #4
It's just hard because I don't know where to go from here...
11-10-2013 10:58 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2007
Huge hugs, its difficult when we're just not sure what way we're heading. How does your partner feel in regard to more babies/the loss? Maybe seek a support group(on here even) for those who have dealt with loss and or the fact that they only have one child not by choice so that you can talk to others who've dealt with similar to what your going through.
11-10-2013 11:04 #6
I'm sorry OP.
11-10-2013 11:08 #7
He's upset in regards to the loss- but not as much as I am. He's very "everything happens for a reason"
(I hate that saying!)
Is there a specific group on here for this!? I looked everywhere to try place this thread and thought it fitted in here?
11-10-2013 11:31 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2007
11-10-2013 16:15 #9
Thank you for the advice. I'll try find the forums.
11-10-2013 16:22 #10
Big hugs xxxx
I know it's a bit far from you but have you heard about the Raphael centre in freo. If you give them a call someone will call you back and maybe give you some advice as to where to get help. They are part of fern house which might also be helpful .
You have been so much and you need to look after yourself. Your little girl deserves a happy mummy as much as you deserve to be happy. I do hope you can find the help you need to help with your grief and struggles . People just don't understand and that makes it feel so much worse and makes you feel alone .
Always here for a vent, rant or whatever you need.
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