My husband and I are in the process of separating.
Today I looked at some horrible rentals & visited centre link.
The lady I saw there informed me we could fill out 'separated but under one roof' forms. Filling them out was mind boggling but it has opened my eyes to daily tasks that need to change immediately to 'really' be separated (like making DH wash his own clothes & cook his own meals)
I can't decide wether to leave ASAP (a friend has offered us a room for the time being) or stay for a bit & try to implement these changes.
I feel like it would be better for myself & my daughter to stay & sort out everything out (child support, finances, assets etc) but can see my husbands heart is breaking & kind of feel like I'm rubbing salt in the wound.
He's not abusive or dangerous & I am actually open to getting back together with him if he can learn how to be a good husband & care for my needs.
Has anyone here separated from a husband they didn't hate, from a good father who was just a rubbish partner? I really don't know what I am doing.
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08-10-2013 16:17 #1-
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
Opinions & advice please
08-10-2013 16:29 #2
Maybe have a chat to him first if you can and see how he feels too?
10-10-2013 00:18 #3Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2013
Hi OP, I tried "living together but not being together", it didn't work for me. I think in my situation things needed to change for things to change (if that makes any sense).
If you can both discuss it and agree on how it needs to be to work for both of you and your DD within a set timeframe then it could be exactly what you need.
I've loosely followed your story and you genuinely seem like a hardworking and loving mother. It's great to see that you value yourself enough to demand better treatment or walk away. I wish you all the best!
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Mummy Potato (10-10-2013)
10-10-2013 00:42 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2013
A family friend of ours divorced but stayed living under the same roof for a while... They had just built a brand new house & had built separate master bedrooms on each end of the house. Their reasoning was that they were a great family, but they just weren't in love with each other anymore.
I really have no idea how it all worked out, as our families lost touch when my brother & their son moved to different schools.
I think it's a very selfless thing to do for your daughter... I think it would definitely be something worth sitting down & talking to your ex about... There would need to be boundaries set & I guess you would need to treat each other like 'room mates' as such.
12-10-2013 20:05 #5
Sorry you are going through this.
Yes, my ex and I were best buddies right til the end. But the loving feeling was gone
It's definitely worth trying to ok things out, always! BUT, only if you BOTH put in the effort.
If one is unwilling, it's absolutely pointless.
13-10-2013 08:49 #6
Pretty sure you can only be under the same roof for a short period before having to move out. I did this and it helped alot and as we lived separate lives for years before I left, the changes werent changes but normal life for me anyway.
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