finances are a touchy topic but one that couples really fight about
if i'm dating a very caring person, but they have no financial security
they are renting
they have changed career every few years trying many things
they probably dont have much for retirement
they spend freely on luxuries that i wouldnt spend easily on
they talk about how they want to build wealth in a way that sounds like an idiot talking aobut buying 20 properties when they have never bought any and dont show that they have the huge devotion and sacrifice and focus to really do that.
i've already been married to one person who pulled me down financially and cant risk.
As a rule i tend to go out with only people who have financial security, eg they own a house they have some secure income, not someone who has changed career every few years without much success for decades
they dont spend easily on luxuries they cant afford,
or if they spend easily on them they easily can afford them.
all this is a huge worry for me
what is all i can find out to not risk losing someone who i might be able to work things out with
and yet what are all the questions i should get answers to.
i know its noble to say money doesnt matter but its known to be a huge source of fights in marriages and i would prefer to be alone than to riskbeing brought down by someone.
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28-09-2013 11:16 #1Senior Member
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- Aug 2010
finding out about finances with a potential date.
28-09-2013 11:33 #2
Are you currently dating someone with questionable finances?
Who has not had a steady income etc for no real reason?
Im not so worried about the buying a house thing but the rest would worry me.
If you are asking would it bother me? Yes.
I am currently selling my house, because of my divorce. But I fully intend to buy another down the track.
28-09-2013 11:43 #3
Sounds to me like you are setting yourself up to not find a great guy, kind,caring, wonderful men, don't always have their own house, haven't always been in a job for decades.
Focus more on how they treat you rather than money, you don't know what has lead them to be in the position they are in.
I am now with a great man, whom i would not change for the world, he was still living with his parents when we met, he had just been made redundant, but none of that made me love him any less.
28-09-2013 11:49 #4
People fight over all sorts of things, my DH and I have many things in common and we agree on most major topics (raising children, how many children we want, religion, politics etc.).
We are both unskilled laborers (although I'm a stay at home mum now), we both have trouble saving and we only just bought our own home at 32 (with help from family).
We are really happy together, I wouldn't trade my life or family for anything. We always get by and although it can be frustrating going without certain things we really appreciate what we do have.
If someone I was dating started to question my financial stability I'd walk away (If I was well off I'd assume they were gold digging, if I wasn't I wouldn't like to be judged). I can understand not wanting to be burned financially, but it's just a very small piece of the puzzle and if nothing else fits you'll be well off but unhappy (and so will your partner).
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28-09-2013 12:37 #5
One of the most fantastic couples I know are renting and the longest they've each been in a job is about 5 years. Just saying, just because someone rents, doesn't stay in the one job, buys nice things etc doesn't mean they aren't awesome and secure.
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28-09-2013 12:57 #6
You have no idea the circumstances surrounding why someone might rent or change jobs. And you are making assumptions about purchases. For example if you saw my kid's wardrobes, you might think I spent far too much on brand name or designer kids clothes. Truth is, I'm an excellent OP shopper. Many people are stuck renting because property is ridiculously priced and they don't have anyone to help them break in to the market. They could be renting while they try to save up. They could LIKE renting and not want to have the responsibility and expense of home ownership. Work wise, they may have been made redundant a couple of times (like has happened to many contractors etc in the mining industry) and just taken the first job they could to get by.
Being so obsessed with their finances would be very off putting for many men too. I suggest you worry about your own finances, make sure YOU are financially independent and look for a man who treats you well that you get along with.
28-09-2013 13:36 #7
Agree with Atropos.
Focus on the person and relationship.
28-09-2013 14:23 #8
I understand a bit where you're coming from but in the same sense I'm now a renter for the first time in my life and I can honestly say I have no reason whatsoever to jump into another mortgage any time soon. I think I'd be a little concerned if a person I was seeing starting relying on me financially - but in regards to themselves I couldn't give two hoots!!
28-09-2013 14:40 #9
I think the OP means in and out of work. rather then switching careers, so to speak.
Correct me if I'm wrong OP.
28-09-2013 14:48 #10
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