Make up is not my thing either. Absolutely hate the stuff. Having my SIL tell a 12 year old me that I looked so pretty with make up and should wear it more often didn't help. All I heard was that I wasn't pretty enough without it. That and being her "fat little buddy" were just the ultimate confidence boosters
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14-10-2013 09:41 #91
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14-10-2013 09:50 #92
14-10-2013 09:52 #93
I am a great mum by your definition. My kids eat well, go to activities, wear clean clothes etc.
Me? I eat too much junk (though have cut back considerably and dropped 4 kgs), I don't get much exercise, my clothes are often daggy and ill fitting and my hair is often un brushed and sometimes unwashed
It might take the same amount of time to dress in daggy clothes as it does in nice, but you are assuming we all HAVE nice clothes that fit well that we can choose to wear. I don't have much that fits well or is hugely nice because I don't have time to shop for myself, I don't want to buy be things while trying to lose weight and IDGAF if random people think my clothes are daggy, because my true friends and family aren't that shallow.
I'm glad you have two minutes to tie your hair- some days I just don't, with three older kids needing to be taken to two different schools or three different sports or activities and a 1 year old who is very attached to me and breastfed and has her own set of needs.
Tidy hair and fitted clothes and optimum exercise are not my top priority just now. My kids are. But so you know, hair tidiness is not a measure of how much effort we put in to ourselves. Having healthy, active, well cared for kids is important to me, it's a measure, to me, of how I see myself as a mother. And being a good mother is something I want to be- FOR myself. So fulfilling that is a huge effort on my part for my own satisfaction. It's certainly more important than nicely fitted jeans or whatever. Maybe you should stop measuring others against your standards as we all have our own priorities in life.
14-10-2013 09:53 #94
I have a 4yr old DD and a 4 month old DS. DS has severe reflux.
1: any day we get out of the house is a good day and you can bet its either taken a lot of time and work and by then I am stressed or I have just said stuff it and thrown stuff in the baby bag,put mine and DDs shoes on and said ' lets go' regardless of how I look just so we can get out.
2: DS is a koala baby and when I get 10 minutes to put him down its used to get DD ready or quickly throw some washing on.
3. I prefer to spend money on the kids rather than on me and most of my daggy ill fitting clothes were not daggy and ill fitting when I bought them but after being washed a million times due to be vomited on, paint smeared on me etc etc they have lost their shape and colour.
4. I dont have the energy
5. If I do spend time making myself look nice I will mostly get spewed on 2 seconds before we walk out the door and then feel upset that I had wanted to look nice and instead am scrambling for another outfit- which is probably mismatched because I haven't had time to wash yet.
Pre DS with just one well behaved easy going child I used to wonder how parents would say things like they couldnt even find time for a shower or to eat lunch. Now with a high needs baby that spews every 2 minutes and as a result wants to be fed every 2hrs and doesn't want to be put down and only sleeps for short naps because his reflux wakes him (that's on the odd occasion I can get him into his cot for a nap instead of my arms) I feel ashamed I ever was so naive. I couldnt fathom that a baby could want to be held literally every minute of the day or they would scream their little head off, or that I would some days go through every outfit in DS wardrobe because he spewed so much.
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14-10-2013 09:55 #95
Im sorry but on behalf of all new mamas out there I think your post is a bit mean. I have a nearly 5mo DD who has reflux and some other health issues. Yes, she always looks adorable, she is my baby girl Also it only takes 2 seconds to put something cute on her. She isn't obviously old enough for parks etc. yet but I take the trouble to make her day interesting with play, outings etc.
Me? Sometimes I look like trash. Yes I try to do my hair and makeup every day, but when feeds can be hour long scream fests and day sleeps rubbish, sometimes it takes it out of me. When she does settle, sometimes all I want to do is eat, tidy up or collapse on the couch. I'm sure mums with older kids have different challenges but the overall theme is similar.
Also while I'm on leave money is tight. I feel guilty spending our money on hair, nails, clothes when we could be paying off our mortgage.
And when she is older? I hope she will thank me for being a good mama rather than looking pretty.
14-10-2013 10:03 #96Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Am I the only one who didn't find the OP rude or upsetting? I think the OP was coming from a good place and just genuinely interested.
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14-10-2013 10:13 #97
14-10-2013 10:30 #98
If I was to worry about my hair and clothes - for me - it wouldn't be putting effort into my own life or into myself, it would be putting effort towards pleasing others and my whole life revolves around making other people happy (mainly two small people) and I just can't be bothered ensuring other people get to see my brushed hair and neatly put together outfit.
But I certainly have days where I want to put on nicer clothes, neatly brushed hair etc for myself, and I will, but I won't do it to make other people think better of me.
Also in answer to the OP, the reason I don't brush my hair, is it is more than 2 minutes to get my hair neat. If I brush it dry it goes frizzy, I have nearly waist length hair so that's a lot of hair to boof out. If I want to brush my hair I have to wash it, brush it semi wet, let it dry flat and brush it again when completely dry. Though then it'll stay nice and straight for a few days before I wash it again. And so often I go - ill do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, oh crap it's been a week.
So I just whip it up in a bun.
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Purple Lily (14-10-2013)
14-10-2013 10:36 #99
Your new to the Hub arent you OP
For what its worth I didnt take offense to your post, I THINK what you may be trying to say is that sometimes Mums need to put themselves first and not totally drown in the image of 'Mum' as such??
Anyway I am dag central. I WISH I could blame this on my kids but I have ALWAYS been this way - I NEVER seemed to get 'into' fashion etc etc. I look presentable and clean - but fashion - not my thing. I have always thought it was waaay down on my list of important - its kinda liberating in a way haha!
I DO think your point re the mums make sure kids have great food and yet either dont eat themselves or eat cr2p is a valid one - because I do this. My girls get the best of everything and i make sure its healthy food yet some days i will survive on coffee after coffee till 2pm and then wonder why i have the shakes and feel crap.
I decided that enough was enough and am now on a clean eating rampage. I make sure i have it all organised the night before - and it feels good to fuel myself the same way I do my kids. I am not doing this for vainty though more for health.... i want to be here to dag around with my kids in 50 years!!
Re the clothes - if my local target sold sets in my size i would totally buy them!! I just cant coordinate fashion whereas the little girls are all in awesome sets - Target - theres a market out there for you!!!
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14-10-2013 10:41 #100
Wondering if the OP is actually my husband lol?
Hunny, why don't you make yourself look "sexy" for a change? *hands me a fussy baby and puts on play station*
Nobody even seems to notice when I make an effort anyway... Too busy fawning over dd!
Edit: and I don't wanna risk my husband pestering me for sex no thank you lol!!!
Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 14-10-2013 at 10:54.
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